Toddler behaviour and food on floor in cafe... AIBU?

[NettleCake]

DD is 18months and won't sit in a highchair for more than 5-10 mins (screams, stands up and tries to climb out!)

We have lunch out most days. Mainly cafes and coffee shops. DD runs off constantly to explore, so I end up chasing her, apologising as she gets in people's way. If the cafe has toys she'll play with them for about 5 mins then loses interest.

What do other mums do? We have things on in town most mornings and afternoons, so too far to go home for lunch.

Also she's very messy, throws food on floor, shakes juice etc. I pick up as much as possible but I'm busy chasing her or holding onto her so often leave some of the mess.
I've had a few cross looks from staff. Am I supposed to ask for a dustpan and brush? If I restrain her in buggy/highchair while I clean the floor she'll scream. DH says not to worry about the floor.

How do we eat out without upsetting people... and how long does this stage last?

I'm a Nanny and eat out with my current youngest charge from when she was 6 months each week and she has learnt that she eats her food nicely if she throws it/screams we go home.
Any food on the floor I get a baby wipe and get on my hands and knees and clean up, if it's that bad I ask for a dustpan and brush - i also clean down the highchair and table.

You need to reach your child to sit nicely and yes it can take time...letting your child run around a cafe when they are hot drinks is a disaster waiting to happen.

Maybe you need to look at your child's routine that maybe a 10-11am isn't the best time for a nap and is tired as not enough sleep?

I feel for you. DS is the same. I don't eat out unless he's napping, we're somewhere very kid friendly or I'm with DH/ another child free adult. This often means rearranging my day so that we are in town for shops/ bank opening and getting home early afternoon and feeding DS snacks in the buggy.

It won't last forever.

I do always clean up after his mess though.

OP you are being selfish, you do not have a cafe child, so work out what she is other than tired , and work with that. You do know you can usually buy food the seventh circle of hell that is soft play center, it would be perfect for your dc, because at the moment you are turning a random cafe of your choice into your own personal soft play center, not fair.
I used to love going shopping round town pre dc, still fine when the dc were tiny and slept most of the time, then I started planning the actual shopping round their long nap in the buggy, Hyde park, picnic, then nap for Oxford street then I had to online shop for a year as shopping with 3/4 yr olds is unfair on them, now I go shopping whilst they are at school. It's what happens when you have dc you have dc, needs change.

Eating in a cafe witn a toodler is exhausting and not wortn the hassle. We used to do several things

• bring our packed lunch, eat in the park or stroller as we're walking around, or in the car

Or buy some food from a supermarket etc., eat in park etc.

Don't eat out so often op. Take a packed lunch get a takeout coffee and go somewhere where your toddler can run around.

I don't think you should never go into a cafe because you have a child, but Everyday is a bit much. Do you not think. As for her running around well she's 18 months old. What do you expect, but. Its her safety that could be at risk. People carrying hot drinks.
If it spilt on your dd. Would you blame the innocent soul just carrying a tray. Like in user's case.. When it'd be your fault for letting her run around. Harsh but true. Its a cafe. Its not a play ground.

Sounds so stressful. Why do u do it? I stopped taking DD1 out and DD2 between 18 months till 3 yrs. DS was fine n would sit. It was just too much for me to handle n I couldn't put other people thru that never mind the dangers of it.

Not fair to leave mess either.

Much easier to take to play centres n even then hate the tables in the middle with trays of coffee n tea n them.

There are two major elements to training and modifying behaviour...

1/ Prevent the unwanted behaviour from occurring, because practice makes perfect and repetition makes habit.

2/Teach the behaviour you DO want - proof that to a number of locations until the subject generalises that this behaviour is expected EVERYWHERE, no matter what context.

Ok so thats what I teach dog owners, and you are doing the same thing many dog owners do - you are allowing the unwanted behaviour to occur and trying to train in the wrong environment.

Teach the required elements of 'cafe appropriate child' at home - sitting in a high chair, not flinging food, not shrieking, whatever else you think you should add in there.

Avoid environments where you cannot train/modify behaviour - so no busy cafes, no distracting environments - instead set yourselves up to succeed by packing snacks and eating in the park where you CAN train/modify behaviour.

I don't believe that children should be seen and not heard, but I also don't want my child to be a source of irritation. I like eating out, so from a very young age, we've taught my daughter how to behave when we're eating, at home and out. She sat in her high chair until we'd all finished, and we'd give her some small toys or crayons etc. If she started to throw food etc, I would leave, and I always, always cleaned up because staff shouldn't be expected to clear up the mess a toddler can make.

Her running around is dangerous, let alone really bloody irritating. You need to figure out alternative ways to feed her whilst you work on managing her behaviour in to something that's appropriate for eating out.

Sorry if it's harsh, but as well as a parent you're a human being, and surely treating other patrons and the staff with respect should be a given?

One thing I will say is. No one expects an 18 month old baby to sit eating with impeccable manners. Of course she's going to get restless. Any child would do..

DH says not to worry about the floor

He's wrong. Does he often act so high-and-mighty?

I feel for you. My DS hates cafes too and turns into a monster! He's hated cafes since pretty much birth when used to meet the antenatal mummies and he'd just scream. Now 3 and he really plays up if he gets bored.

I just try and avoid it as much as possible. I bring a packed lunch for him or buy a plain cheese sandwich from Boots and let him eat it in his pushchair while I walk round town if, like at this time of year, it's too cold and wet to sit in the park. There is one little café that is very toddler friendly and has a little soft play corner so if I'm starving and can't wait till we get home I'll get my lunch there and let him play.

Weirdly he is quite good if we go to a restaurant or pub as a family and he gets his menu to play with etc. But I always bring a massive bag of toys/ colouring and the fall back tablet with Cbeebies just in case. He hardly ever eats any food when we are out, so it's just trying to get through the experience as calmly and relaxing as possible for us! If he starts to play up, throwing food about screaming etc then we go, that's it. It's not fair on anyone else IMO.

Stick her in highchair or buggy so she's contained and you can clean up the mess.. Job done. Or just stop eating out every day. It doesn't sound fun at all.

Stick her in highchair or buggy so she's contained and you can clean up the mess.. Job done. Or just stop eating out every day. It doesn't sound fun at all.

What's wrong with your home, OP?!

Your dd sounds overtired, and would probably behave a thousand times better if she were able to potter around at home with her own things rather than having to sit in cafes whilst you talk to your friends, and be hiked off to activities morning and afternoon. Doing an activity once or twice a week, maybe, and the occasional lunch out, but every day? I feel sorry for your dd.

Eating out every day really is a lot. I thought we ate out a lot with our dc when they were small but it was only once a week. Even then we called it a 'smash and grab lunch'. Dd1 was happy to sit in the high chair with a sticker book or crayons but only for about 10 mins, once they food arrived she could concentrate on that then we'd have to leave. Probably 40 mins in total at the most. Can't really expect much more at that age.

We worked through it though, was worth it in the end, they quickly got better at sitting nicely. Every day sounds too stressful for all concerned though.

As other people have said, over stimulated (honestly, I struggle to understand why some people have to be doing things and activities etc every day, but that's just my introverted view on life), tired, possibly bored as well.

Perhaps she doesn't see eating in a cafe as a treat or a special occasion because you do it almost every day. Hence the boredom. Personally I take my son to a cafe or something similar once every couple of months, I've done this since he was a baby and I've rarely had problems, because he sees it as a treat. He enjoys it more as it doesn't happen often. Before he started school, whenever we were out and about I'd always pack a lunch, if we for some reason couldn't find somewhere to sit and eat, he'd eat in his pram

I think soft play is your friend for the time being.She gets to run around and burn off energy.And you get a cup of coffee.I think the cafe is not working out,so just give it a miss for a few months.

I worked in a cafe and the most annoying thing was people letting there toddler run around, not because I'm mean but because I'm handing trays full of very hot drinks/food soup etc and I do not want to burn your child.

As for mess we do expect that on the floor and really don't mind, most people have a attempt of picking up the big bits and it will take us two seconds to sweep it up

plan your activities for either am or pm, so you don't have to eat in a cafe. it's not reasonable for the staff or other customers to have to put up with that and frankly she's probably bored/tired of sitting in coffee shops anyway. everyday seems odd, is that for her benefit or yours?

We even had parent how thought it was cute when their toddler wanders behind the counter or into our kitchen and would laugh and smile..... it's really not!!!! I don't think people understand how hot certain parts of a coffee machine can get

she has learnt that she eats her food nicely if she throws it/screams we go home

How do you know she has learnt it? Genuine question. Mine didn't make the connection between throwing food = naughty behaviour until much older.

What would I do? I'd stop going until it was less stressful for all concerned.

How can you be enjoying yourself when you're chasing after your child and constantly apologising and worrying about upsetting other people?

If you're meeting friends, have them round to you instead. You're being unfair on the staff, other patrons and yourself. Also on your daughter as she's obviously bored shitless if she's haring about creating a racket.