Toddler behaviour and food on floor in cafe... AIBU?

[NettleCake]

DD is 18months and won't sit in a highchair for more than 5-10 mins (screams, stands up and tries to climb out!)

We have lunch out most days. Mainly cafes and coffee shops. DD runs off constantly to explore, so I end up chasing her, apologising as she gets in people's way. If the cafe has toys she'll play with them for about 5 mins then loses interest.

What do other mums do? We have things on in town most mornings and afternoons, so too far to go home for lunch.

Also she's very messy, throws food on floor, shakes juice etc. I pick up as much as possible but I'm busy chasing her or holding onto her so often leave some of the mess.
I've had a few cross looks from staff. Am I supposed to ask for a dustpan and brush? If I restrain her in buggy/highchair while I clean the floor she'll scream. DH says not to worry about the floor.

How do we eat out without upsetting people... and how long does this stage last?

Your Dh may enjoy it, but your dd clearly isn't, and I can't imagine you are.

is your dh running around chasing after dd when your in the pub with him? Im just struggling to see how he came be enjoying these days out as if he's doing his share of running around after your dd then he will be gulping his meal down, or eating a cold meal and it hardly a family meal if only one adult is actually sat at the table as the other one is walking around with a small child.

Or is he enjoying these meals out because you are the one running yourself ragged so that dd doesn't cry, while he gets to sit at table and eat a hot meal, and ignoring the mess?

It's a bit crap if he tells you leave the mess on the floor if he's sat at the table while you're running around after dd. Why isn't he asking for a dustpan to clean it himself? Food on the floor can be a slipping hazard and he really should be clearing it up if your the one looking after dd, it sounds like you're doing everything on these meals out, you need an extra two arms ops, your dh needs to use his.

I hate soft plays with a passion, but it was one of the places dd could wander about safely to a degree while dh and I took turns to have a quick bite (which is why it's usually burgers as they are quick to make, so no sitting about waiting for order to arrive, and quick to eat, so not wasted as gone cold by the time dd is wrestled to table.

What is she like at mealtimes at nursery? I doubt there's the ratio for a staff member to be one on one with dd at mealtimes while she wanders around, how are the managing it? Where I work, at 18 months they start eating in same room with the older children, and start to learn that we don't leave the table until everyone has finished eating, as they watch the older DC. Would this be possible with your DDs nursery? For her to eat lunch with the older DC if she's not already?

I agree, well done for sticking with the thread OP and taking the advice on board. I don't think many people would have been as receptive!

This stage doesn't last forever. Once she's a little bit older you can say before you go in that she must stay at the table,she can sit on highchair or on your knee but there is NO getting down. Children tend to find it easier when the rules are clear, I think when they can sometimes get down and walk off but then your meal comes and you want them at the table and they can no longer walk about can be confusing and make the behaviour worse as they are pushing and trying to test what is/isn't allowed.
You've then got all the entertaing to do-books,toys,colouring at table. It's HARD WORK!!! You have to decide if the nice meal outweighs the stress of trying to keep a toddler entertained!

I would say do whatever it takes to make life easy and enjoyable at this particular phase. So don't waste all your energy teaching her to sit in a highchair because more than likely in another 6/12 months she'll be ready to do it and it will be much easier.

She maybe op. You sound exhausted by it too.
Talk to your dh. He maybe having a nice time but you and your dd aren't!
It isn't fair on either of you ( nor the staff and running behind a vbar is so dangerous).
It won't last forever!

As an ex waitress if i didn't mind a mess if parentshad made the effort to clear up or if they apolgised, but food smeared into furniture and floor gave me the rage.
Places maybe child friendly but it doesn't mean you shouldn't atleast make an effort to clean up after yourself
I even clear my rubbish if i go to mcdonalds.
You do at hone, so why not out?

Your Dd sounds similar to mine. She's fine in the highchair at home because its got a 5 point harness and she cant escape. When we're out and she's in the highchairs she can escape from she wants out and she can scream very loudly. She's happy to sit in there to eat but before and after is a nightmare. I tend not to take her out to eat very often at the moment. I also get about wanting to be out. At home If I'm busy doing chores she will play but as soon as my bum hits the sofa she climbs all over me and won't play. At toddler group she's fine and will go off and play letting me drink coffee. We go out every day even if its just a quick walk around the street on reins just to break the day up a bit.

I'd also look at her sleep pattern as they seem a little off. Big sleep at night then again in the morning. Could you try keeping her awake until after an early lunch then a nice long 2 hour nap in the afternoon?

Nettlecake I just wanted to say fair play to you for sticking with this thread and taking the advice on board. You have had a bit of a roasting!

True

I am sure you have had more advice on this thread than you know what to do with - but you mentioned that your DD doesn't like messy play, and maybe finds pubs too noisy as she keeps trying to leave. Could she be having sensory overload? Maybe she finds some situations too much to handle, hence the constant movement?

I cannot stand parents who allow their little horrors to trash the place, make a cursory attempt to clean and then walk out leaving food all over the floor and a vile mess for the waiting staff.

When my daughter was a pain to eat out with a simply didn't! Is it such a hardship to stay out of cafes during the worst months of this stage?

If you insist, then yes you should travel with a massive supply of wipes a clean up properly.

little horrors

Say no more. So glad everybody isn't this judgemental.

Because what do I do with DD while I'm asking for brush/sweeping? She'll run off causing chaos or scream in buggy/highchair

Op how do you think other parents cope?

I do find it rather odd that you are out for lunch every single day. Spend more time at home with her, where she is comfortable, has her own things around her and can behave that way without bothering anyone else.

We just didn't eat out at lunchtime for a couple of years.

Also, if she needs you to be with her one to one at toddler groups I'd sack the toddler group. She's not ready for it, which is completely fine. In the nicest possible way OP, you're doing too much with her and your expectations are too high. Spend some time in the house dusting the skirting boards and sorting the washing, maybe go to the park. Have a bath. Or sit her in it with toys. Or get the washing up bowl down and get her one of those magnetic fishing rods. Small children are dull! But this too shall pass.

My first was a dream eating out. I didn't realise how easy he was until DS2 came along and was like how you describe your DD. I tried everything, but unfortunately had to avoid eating out for about 2 years in the end. We now only go to places where service is quick and give him loads of attention. It's still tough going, but is getting better as he gets older.

You need to keep her restrained in the highchair. If that means using extra reins and ignoring her screams, so be it. Be forceful, don't take any old truck from her - state forcefully that she is in her highchair until all the rest of you have finished eating, and stick to it! Ignore her screams, she's doing it for attention and to get her own way! My little boy tried that. It didn't last long because me and hubby both did what I just said!!

I'm sorry but that shedload of shit, OP, "won't teach her manners until I think she's ready" is making excuses (at best!)
From really really tiny, me and hubby spoke to our bubba, including saying please and thank you. When he got a bit older and was reaching out for toys, we'd say please and thank you. Why on earth would you let her get away with being a complete b..... brat until then? You are making your life unnecessarily hard. The staff in the cafe will hate you for leaving a mess and by clearing it up you are teaching your child that being polite, cleaning up after yourselves and not screaming the place down to get your own way are behaviours to be applauded, and bad behaviour will not be tolerated!!

She's a baby - not a brat!

And frankly, anyone who refers to their husband as 'hubby' and baby as 'bubba' isn't really in a position to give out advice to anyone.

My eldest was like this - he was a terror. When he was a bit older we did go to cafes loads as I was pregnant again and had a difficult pregnancy. I was fortunate in that he liked food - and would sit as long as it took him to eat everything! As they get older distraction, chats etc work better.

Going places that are canteen style so no waiting for food are good, siting by the window is good as more distractions, or sitting in a corner out of the way so there is a bit of space for her to have a fidget after eating without getting in anyone else way. I do think you need to rethink things though and accept that you have to eat fast and leave when she starts getting more difficult.

@nettlecake well done for coming back. You have had a roasting but also listening and willing to try new things

I said before about changing her sleep pattern. A long sleep after lunch will help

She needs to learn how to sit nicely when eating. As others have said to try this at home and make her sit in high chair after each meal - increasing the time each day

If out and scream you say no and put in buggy and go outside / home. She will learn quick

And what does hubby do in the pubs at weekends - run round after dd or leave you to do it ? Can't see how he thinks that is enjoybake

Good luck

Jiggle
Wtf does it have to do with ANYONE what I call my HUBBY and my BUBBA??
bubba was a family term because one of the many nieces and nephews we have said it.
As for her not being a brat?
She screams until she gets her own way, runs off when it is highly bloody dangerous to do so and isn't being taught manners- PLEASE elaborate as to what of that isn't brattish. Oh and make sure and tell me where in the wonderful world you live so myself, hubby and bubba can avoid you like the proverbial!!

That should say JIGGLY at the top but my phone autocorrected.

I run a kids cafe and see lots and lots of mums struggling with this problem! You could try reducing your cafe lunches to once a week to keep your DC familiar with the environment but keep your stays short enough to retain your sanity. Your DC will grow out of it but your stress probably feeds the excitement a bit!
Etiquette-wise an offer to clear up never goes amiss (our policy is to do it ourselves but the offer is always appreciated), nor does a big tip, and keeping your child out of potential harm's way (serving areas etc) is a MUST obviously...