Toddler behaviour and food on floor in cafe... AIBU?

[NettleCake]

DD is 18months and won't sit in a highchair for more than 5-10 mins (screams, stands up and tries to climb out!)

We have lunch out most days. Mainly cafes and coffee shops. DD runs off constantly to explore, so I end up chasing her, apologising as she gets in people's way. If the cafe has toys she'll play with them for about 5 mins then loses interest.

What do other mums do? We have things on in town most mornings and afternoons, so too far to go home for lunch.

Also she's very messy, throws food on floor, shakes juice etc. I pick up as much as possible but I'm busy chasing her or holding onto her so often leave some of the mess.
I've had a few cross looks from staff. Am I supposed to ask for a dustpan and brush? If I restrain her in buggy/highchair while I clean the floor she'll scream. DH says not to worry about the floor.

How do we eat out without upsetting people... and how long does this stage last?

OP I really admire the fact you've stuck with this thread despite a bit of a roasting. Some people really enjoy giving people a good telling off (when they've already had 5000 tellings off).

I found 18m tricky with my active girl too. Are there any groups etc nearer to you? She's at the age where a scooter sounds like a good plan so you can go to the park and she can scoot, and scoot, and scoot once she's got it. Tires them out. And cafes in parks tend to be toddler battle-fields anyway, depending where you are, obviously, if you fancy a change from a sarnie.

Op, my local children's centre is running a short course at the moment about imaginative play around the house. I haven't been because DS is a bit too little yet and so far we haven't run into similar problems, but something like that might help you to occupy her at home. You sound like you need a bit of support, which I don't mean as a criticism. We all struggle at times.

Also, DS is not walking yet but via the wonder of eBay I got him a waterproof puddle suit, booties and mittens so he can still crawl around outside. Is your DD all kitted out for outdoorsy stuff? I'm a great believer in running naughtiness off (I also own a spaniel )

Another wear-them-out activity that worked for us when dd was little was to put some music on and dance with her. I was fitter in those days...

OP, yes unfortunately at that age they have attention span of a gnat. Maybe your expectations are a bit too high? So if you are at home, whatever activity you choose, it will last about 10-15mins if you are lucky and you have to swap to something else. This doesn't mean you have to invent elaborate crafty activities. She will start getting into pretend play soon, so teddy tea party you can play together, aquadoodle mat instead of paints if you can't bear the mess, blow some bubbles, bounce a balloon about, put on cd with nursery rhymes, read books. I also ditto previous posters about going to the park, splash in muddly puddles, etc. You must be stressed and very tired going out twice daily! Good luck!

corythatwas - i completely agree that having a small child running around in a cafe is unacceptable (and posted to that effect upthread). I just take issue with posters who think that a toddler's refusal to sit still and do colouring is a failure of parenting.

It's not the refusal of the toddler that is a sign of failure, NoSherry, it's the refusal of the parents to restrain the child. In a child this age and size, the child's decision hasn't really got anything to do with it.

I may be slightly influenced by the fact that the child I religiously hauled out of cafes, took around with reins on, pinned down onto my lap etc. has now grown into the waitress carrying potentially dangerous hot drinks and crockery round confined spaces. I'd like her to be kept safe, in the same way that I kept others safe.

Oh God, OP that takes me back! I remember setting up art activities for ds1 at that age (because that's what you do, right). He'd cover everything in paint/pasta/playdough for oh, about 5 minutes then lose interest. Then I'd tidy up for half an hour.

He is now an 11 year old who really enjoys art and has excellent listening and concentration skills. At that age he just wanted to move and make a mess. Play consisted mostly of emptying things out, running in circles and jumping on things.

People who don't have this sort of toddler won't understand and will give you lots of useless advice about how they got their children to sit nicely or play quietly at home. Ignore it. Avoid cafes. Go to the woods/the park/soft play instead.

Could one of your friends distract your dd while you tidy? My ds was always ok if he was actually eating but needed to be out walking round the beer garden/ shop/ play area the rest of the time so we went to.pubs and garden centres where we could do that. He's 4 now and much better. If you are working what's her routine the rest the time? I agree 1 activity a day is enough, the rest of the time try and find activities that you both like at home. It's easier said than done I know. My ds is full on, needs constant.interaction and it's draining. When you need to.cook or do washing stick the tv on it saves your sanity at times!

Op I scan read 12 pages so apologies of o repeat anything that's been said.
My DS is 20 months with a similar attention span and dislike or being still!

At home he has access to all his toys so he'll turn robot on, get out a book, bang his drum a bit, set off his CD player all at the same time. Yes often I have to sot on the floor and look but occasionally I get to sneak for a wee, a coffee, to put the washing on. he doesn't get board cos he's got a bit of everything on the go but will then sit a d do a peg puzzle with me or draw (for 2 .minutes) as more focused play.

Saw a woman at soft play with a muslin under the highchair so he couldl literally just father it up. Genius.

If you're with friends can they not entertain DD whilst you clean up? If one of us gpes to the loo, till, on hands and knees pickong up carrots one of us will sing or tickle or cuddle or otherwise entertain the kids.

I strongly agree out need to clean up what you can and make an offer on the rest of its unreasonable, scrape together the mess on the table and give the highchair a quick wipe. DH is being an are if he thinks you should genuinely just swan off out leaving chaos!

It does sound like you're full on, of Shea in nursery twice a week can you drop a morning session? Then you could eat lunch at home then go out? Are you seeing the same friends 3 days a week for lunch?

I only give DS a bit of food at a time and if it gets thrown he gets no more. If I can't entertain him in his chair then wed go for a walk then try again.

Lastly where are you going for lunch? Our local art gallery is great cos the kids are safe to wander, Starbucks is great CP's its always full of kids so less judgement, the little coffee shop round the corner I only use without him or if he's asleep - can you review where you go? Its too cold to sit outside eating just yet

That's ok @kali if you don't bother they'll just leave it because it's a top class establishment.

My toddler drops stuff on the floor in the cafe, I apologise and most cafe onwers are fine pick up what u can and don't worry! Can't sit in the park in the rain can you!

I used to carry round a small dustpan and brush in the basket of the buggy, I was a waitress before I was a mum!

I'm with the 'you stop eating out until the phase has passed' gang. My DD never sat still and we just didn't eat out much!
Good places in the winter are soft play cafes and anywhere else specifically set up for little ones. But in a regular cafe- no- it's just not nice for anyone else in there. I'm always amazed how many parents try and take toddlers who won't sit still on long plane journeys- soft play, picnics and UK breaks the way to go. It won't be forever!

5 years on and i still rarely take both mine out to a restaurant due to them both feeling the need to start running around and making a lot of noise after 10mins.

At 18months there was no way I could stop my eldest child running around, hence we gave up trying to be 'normal' and totally stopped going out to cafes or restaurants, much easier that we dont.

That was the only answer for us. It's very normal that some children will not sit still at this age, no amount of distraction or discipline will work for them. I used to clean whatever I could but sorry, dustpan and brush is not your job.

I feel your pain OP! My two year old son is only now becoming easier to take into cafes .
It's really tough as a parent especially when you're trying to teach your child the way to behave but find yourself apologising and being run into the ground by people and their sideways looks
My advice would be to find a local stay and play, like a toddler group? Your little one will be around kids of a similar age then and you'll be around other parents who I'd bet my bottom dollar are going through similar stress with theirs.
I decided to stop putting myself in a position where I felt like an outcast because my toddler was being a toddler . It started to make me dread people.
The good news is this phase doesn't last even though it feels like forever 🌸

It sounds to me that if you have "things on" morning and afternoon most days that you may be doing too much

Does she get time to be out of her pushchair and run around to let off steam in a suitable place, or is she getting overtired and need a nap?
I would cut down on going out so much. You can still do activities together at home.

Ooh sorry catching up on posts I'd missed and for us this lasted under 2 years (basically from when started to crawl to when old enough to be happy colouring or A N other activity at the table (plus more able to understand negotiation/ bribery ;) Feels long at the time but much less stressful to just wait until the right time and do other trips more suited to them in the meantime.

But if you did softplay or something in the afternoon rather than a class then you aren't set to time so can come home and she can have a proper nap in her cot too! I'm sure you e tried putting her down in the afternoon. My DD is two and only naps in the afternoon since about 16 months.

I would either switch the classes to just afternoon ones or do something like soft play so it's flexible time to allow you to lunch at home

Why are you out all day every day- do you have an issue being at home with your baby? She is very young to take out to cafes every day, and probably grouchy with tiredness half the time. Are there bigger issues here OP?

Twicke if I didn't take 'long plane journeys' my ds would never see his family. Or me. I'm sure it's the same for a lot of people. What would you have us do?

While I understand the desire to hang out in cafes with your friends (and their little ones), yours isn't having it. It isn't fair to her, your friends, or the places she's throwing food/running around/crying down. It's selfish.

And, ftr, I personally know a small person who was of a similar nature. Unfortunately, said small person, when about the same age as your little one, reached up and grabbed a very hot cup of something that was near the edge of a table. He was hospitalized, required skin grafts, and has permanent scars down his ear, side of his face and neck. It happened in the blink of an eye, apparently.

Your DD isn't a cafe toddler. Some aren't. Take pity on everybody, consider her safety, and make alternative plans to fill your days. Hopefully, she'll outgrow the behaviour, but it sounds like that's a long way off.

Do people really sweep up in cafes? Surely the done thing is a fiver in the hands of a members of staff and a profuse apology for making a mess?

It also sounds like she does t get much time to run around as she's in classes all the time

I've had two high maintenance girls, both very spirited. #2 was less so as there were times when she needed to entertain herself whilst I helped the elder with something.

Do everyone a favour and spend more time at home, your daughter will benefit as she is in desperate need of some down time, you'll benefit as she learns to make her own entertainment and the cafe floor will be pleased too. At home don't set up activities constantly, just let her explore safely, then progress to sitting by her while she plays and finally excusing yourself for a minute to go to the loo etc. My eldest is 10 and still has friends who need to be entertained constantly as they have had activities or adult involvement in every single waking moment. Parenting is all about teaching independence, help her grow.

There are some perfect parents on this thread

DD2 (of3) was like this, still is a bit and those saying "you must teach them manners. Ok then, she's just about twitching at 4 🙄 And yes we always stopped her and yes she never "won" and yes it's taken her 4 years and counting to get what DD3 at 2 already knows!

So OP I feel your pain, I just stopped eating out, too painful sorry. Perhaps try educational distraction IPAD?