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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Toddler behaviour and food on floor in cafe... AIBU?

420 replies

NettleCake · 01/02/2017 13:36

DD is 18months and won't sit in a highchair for more than 5-10 mins (screams, stands up and tries to climb out!)

We have lunch out most days. Mainly cafes and coffee shops. DD runs off constantly to explore, so I end up chasing her, apologising as she gets in people's way. If the cafe has toys she'll play with them for about 5 mins then loses interest.

What do other mums do? We have things on in town most mornings and afternoons, so too far to go home for lunch.

Also she's very messy, throws food on floor, shakes juice etc. I pick up as much as possible but I'm busy chasing her or holding onto her so often leave some of the mess.
I've had a few cross looks from staff. Am I supposed to ask for a dustpan and brush? If I restrain her in buggy/highchair while I clean the floor she'll scream. DH says not to worry about the floor.

How do we eat out without upsetting people... and how long does this stage last?

OP posts:
Floey · 02/02/2017 18:39

YABU. I cannot imagine why you are inflicting that child on people. Stay at home and teach her some manners for god's sake

whomovedmychocolate · 02/02/2017 18:42

Oh FFS. Sorry but this sounds ridiculous.

OP: You as a parent are responsible for your child's safety, it's not enough to throw up your hands and say 'well I gave her a book but she got bored' you need to be realistic. Most two year olds will not sit quietly while Mummy sips lattes with her mummy mates.

And teach your child to clean up while you are at it. Do it when she's little and she won't object. Make it fun. If she doesn't enjoy it, then she may not be such a messy bugger in the future. Win, win. No use saying well how do I do that while looking after her. I daresay you manage to eat, pee, drink and talk while looking after her. Stop doing one of those and get on with it.

And you are allowed to make your child sit. Straps are there for a reason, it does no harm to fasten them and keep your child safe and if she wails, well that's what kids do, deal with it.

What on earth do your friend's make of your attempt to manage lunchtimes?

Doublechocolatecake · 02/02/2017 18:44

I agree with Floey YABVU keep her at home until you have taught her some manners. Clearly you allow her to get away with that behaviour at home which is why she deems it's acceptable to behave like that in public.

No judgement, we've all most likely been there at some point where some kind of discipline needs to be instilled.

sneeders · 02/02/2017 18:48

Do you have a one o'clock club or play group with an eating area? some do. Otherwise do you think you might just do morning or afternoon group and do lunch at home, might help

MommaGee · 02/02/2017 18:52

Do people really sweep up in cafes? Surely the done thing is a fiver in the hands of a members of staff and a profuse apology for making a mess?

Cos some of us would rather tidy up after pur own children that treat the cafe staff like hired minions? And imagine in a cafe that has kids on all day - they'd never have time to do anything else I'd everyone acted like the kids can dp what they want cos I bunged the shop staff a fiver

kazmina10 · 02/02/2017 18:58

Don't do so many activities. Eat at home.. much less stressful and not ok to leave a mess for others to clear up or let her run around.

SeaCabbage · 02/02/2017 19:00

I Hope this thread has helped you to rethink things a bit.

IMO a one hour nap at 10am is just not enough. By 18 months you might find it better to have an early lunch and put her down, in her cot at 12.30 so that she can have a really good sleep.

some of her behaviour is probably through being over tired and as others have said, over stimulated.

I would also advocate a walk in the park to feed ducks etc rather than a very sociable time. Although that is harder work for you unless you have a friend who could go out with you sometimes.

Do you let her just mooch about at home while you are busy doing things?

misskatamari · 02/02/2017 19:06

I haven't rtft, so apologies if this has been mentioned - but something I often do is take some newspaper folded in my changing bag that I can put under the high chair when eating out. Most of the dropped food ends up on it and I can just bundle it up and bin pretty easily

PetalMettle · 02/02/2017 19:08

My ds is eating the whole time he's in highchair. When he gets bored/starts to throw food we leave. I pick up any dropped food in a napkin (and tip!)
I also give him water in a cup with lid so he can't make drink mess

paxillin · 02/02/2017 19:10

We ate at home or in the park until they would reliably sit for a bit. The other diners didn't bank on sitting in a nursery and protecting exploring kids from their hot drinks, I don't like sweeping restaurant floors and the screaming in stressful for me and other diners.

MrsDc7 · 02/02/2017 19:28

petalmettle that's a really good idea

Twicke · 02/02/2017 19:29

Bummymummy- thought it was obvious in the context (i.e. Relating it to choosing to eat in cafe with child who doesn't want to sit still) that I meant people going on holiday (hence the UK break as alternative option), rather than necessary trips such as seeing family. My point was that I wouldn't cause myself unnecessary stress doing trips that don't suit a wriggly toddler- that's all!

MrsDc7 · 02/02/2017 19:29

Sorry I meant misskatamari I've been awake since 4... sorry!

angielou123 · 02/02/2017 19:30

Oh no! I would of left before things got out of hand. I just didn't go to places like that when my 8 yr old son wouldn't sit down. My mum had a milestone birthday one year when he was about 2 and we'd arranged to go out for a family meal. I had to leave before we'd even ordered coz he just would not sit down. I can't stand the looks you get off people. Thankfully my 3 yr old is much better and we can actually go places.

MrsDc7 · 02/02/2017 19:31

I don't eat out with my kids at all. It's too stressful and the two youngest are too young to sit quietly while we choose, order and wait. I would much rather do a picnic or go home

Alasdair53 · 02/02/2017 19:32

It seems excessive to be out most of every day. When does she have time just to be...to play with her own things, make dens in upturned furniture, play with big boxes?

3luckystars · 02/02/2017 19:32

I stayed at home until they grew out of it.

Stepmum123 · 02/02/2017 19:40

Our rules at home when DSS was little were you throw it and it's gone, he quickly realised it's better to keep it on your plate/high chair.

As for the behaviour does she do the same at home if she does and you accept that behaviour at home why wouldn't she do it while you're out too?

elektrawoman · 02/02/2017 19:40

My DS was just like this. Once he had learnt to walk we just had to give up going to cafes. It was horrible for everyone.
And before all those perfect parents say 'it's how you train them', my other two DCs are fine in cafes. My DD is 3 years younger than my DS and given the choice I would rather go to a cafe with her! Yet we have 'trained' them the same - it's just the way some children are, they can't cope with some situations.

When DS was little I avoided cafes like the plague - instead I invited people round to my house for lunch, or went for a picnic or to soft play. My saviour was a playgroup that allowed you to bring a packed lunch - DS would run around in safety, I could chat to my friends, give him a sandwich, then he would sleep in the buggy on the walk home. It was my favourite day of the week! No not as glamorous as eating in a cafe but you just have to change your expectations.
I'm afraid children rarely turn out the way you expect them to - that's life.

My tips as one mum to another - make life easier for yourself, don't compare your child to others, don't worry about what other parents are doing, relax and enjoy your child, you know her better than anyone else so do things that play to her strengths rather than are a battle. This stage is hard work, but once it's over and they are older it will seem to have gone in the blink of an eye. Smile

OreoHeaven · 02/02/2017 19:43

If you are chasing your child round the cafe then you're not really getting any quality time with your friends anyway!

Lovingit81 · 02/02/2017 19:44

I can't believe how many righteous unhelpful idiots there are on here!! There are some helpful posts on here but also some total arseholes. Of course you don't have to stay at home but eating out every day with a toddler would stress anyone out. For those of you saying to teach the child manners, get a grip she's 18months old. I say do the park a couple of times and rest assured you're not alone. Toddlers are hard and you have a spirited one, congratulations!! Clear up after yourself and smile at the judgers. Best of luck x

LoopyEmma1 · 02/02/2017 19:51

My DS is 19 months and exactly the same. Other people with calmer toddlers might judge but we embrace the fact he's so wild and full of energy. We tend to avoid small cafes though because of this and try and only take him to baby friendly places just now. He gets fed up of toys within minutes and off trying to get out a door and after he's eaten immediately wants out the high chair. We just try and take him places to burn off all his amazing energy. We're certain it will pass eventually😨

Original poster
NettleCake · 02/02/2017 20:03

keep her at home until you have taught her some manners. Clearly you allow her to get away with that behaviour at home which is why she deems it's acceptable to behave like that in public

I disagree that an 18-month-old should know how to behave in public (or understand the concept of manners!) I will teach her these things, but in a gentle way, when I feel she is ready.

Until recently she was content to sit in a highchair, babbling to the other babies and chewing on bits of bread. I had a couple of suction toys for the tray that kept her amused. Now she's steady on her feet she is desperate to explore!

I agree the cafe environment isn't working right now. I'll try some afternoons at the park and invite some friends to our place for lunch and play-dates.

My friends do help when we're out, but they have their hands full with their own toddlers (who also run off/tantrum/cry but not as often as DD!)

A playgroup where you can bring lunch sounds great! I'll ask around and look into local groups too. Problem is we're out of town so need to travel for most things.

Outdoors and in shops she's always on reins, but won't tolerate in cafes.

OP posts:
MommaGee · 02/02/2017 20:06

nettle I'd give some throught to cutting back a bit too. if she naps so early I imagine mor ing classes are hard work anyway so maybe slow morning at home a couple of days and then afternoons out

MadMags · 02/02/2017 20:07

You need to spend some time alone with your child!

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