AIBU to take my baby girl out of nursery after seeing her 'key person' push a crying baby twice?

[Snf13]

My little girl is 10 months and started nursery only a month ago! She had a hard time getting settled and I sometimes found her shaking and in tears when I was coming to get her in the evening. Something that had never happened before. She always was a happy baby!
I put it down to her not being used to new people, other babies, noise, a different routine etc.. but something strange was that my girl was friendly and holding her arms to other staff members except her key person at nursery. I found this woman quite rude and cold and she was making me uncomfortable but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
So, after a month, my LO was finally getting settled, but...this morning when I brought her to nursery, I caught the care giver red handed: she was sitting on the floor staring at a crying baby (8 months old) and she pushed him quite violently with her hand, he fell backwards and then found his balance back sitting, but started screaming (more of being scared than in pain I think) and she pushed him again! She had no compassion at all, and just looked like she just didn't care/was annoyed at his crying! It lasted a few seconds and then she saw me. She wasn't even apologetic or flustered. She just stood up and started getting the breakfast ready. She even had some sort of defiant look in my direction and didn't say Hello or Good morning as she usually does! She just shouted at another staff member to pick my daughter up from my arms! It was like she was pissed off I had caught her!
So I debated all day about what to do and felt sick in my stomach thinking she might be abusive to other kids, and my LO, and tonight, I said that my girl was not going to come back.
When she asked why, I said that I was looking for a new nursery ( I didn't want to confront her as she scared me) and she didn't probe more. It was obvious that she knew why I was taking my girl out, and the only thing she said was: 'You know you have to mention it 4 weeks in advance and we'll keep your payment for February?'
She didn't even fake she was going to miss my LO (she fakes 'loving her' and 'her being so cute' every evening)
I took my girl and said I was going to come and pick her things tomorrow. I intend to come and report the incident to the nursery's director at the same time. However I am conscious that there was no one else who saw this woman's behaviour and it is her word against mine!

Sorry for the long email, so all in all, my questions are:

1. AIBU to take my LO (who just settled in) out of this nursery by fear she might not be cared for properly (or abused)?
2. AIBU to report this incident/this woman to the director?
3. Should I inform social services or is it too much?

Thanks for your advice/help!

If you google "creche scandal Ireland documentary "

Plenty of people put their children into a creche where the workers were filmed doing a lot worse.
The op was in shock and didn't know what to do, but has done something now. Well done for speaking up, I hope you find an easier solution to your commute though, that is an absolutely insane lifestyle. Best of luck and make sure the babies parents are told what happened.

Thank goodness she has been suspended and will be sacked.

So pleased you did what you did and I would be reassured by the prompt action of the manager.

OP good for you - and as for anyone who slated you - fuck them
.my respect to you for doing your best to work and provide for your baby . Please dont panic and I am sure this will be taken seriously - and you have been very unlucky this is pretty rare

Hang on in there xx

Well done OP.

I am impressed with their prompt and complete action over this - it shows that they believed you, never minimised or tried to play down the incident, were also horrified and did their very best to put things right and to do the right thing by the child. That kind of nursery is one that I would be satisfied to put my baby into now.

Good outcome.

Just wanted to come back to say well done op. It's people like you who make a difference in this world, it took a lot of courage and you may well have stopped this nasty piece of work in her tracks. Good luck with finding something to improve your circumstances, I wish you every success x

2014newme Not true. To work in a nursery again she will need an enhanced dbs with children's barred list check. The nursery must report her for the barred list if a) they sack her for this or b) she resigns before they can sack her. An enhanced dbs check will also show up 'any relevant information' the local police force hold on her. I would think an allegation of this sort would be disclosed (although does rely on her applying for a new job within same police force area). Plus, a new employer should take up a reference for her last job or ask questions about why one wasn't offered. So there are several mechanism which would make it hard to get a similar job.

It makes it hard but it doesn't stop her. She may not disclose she ever worked at that nursery she could say she,was training, unemployed, get a friend to write her a private nanny reference. Currently she is not dismissed nor has she resigned she could have started work yesterday somewhere else it wouldn't show on her disclosure yet or she could do so in another area. She could be doing agency work.
"she's never going to work in a nursery again" is I am afraid very naive statement. She is convicted of nothing and she won't be because the crap nursery had no cctv so it boils down to one word against another.
A family member was abused by a nursery worker. I have no doubt that despite police involvement they went on to work with kids elsewhere. The fact that an accusation was made doesn't mean a cconviction. Police said that The accusation would show on the record but I have no doubt that not everyone bothers to get records and not everyone would consider an accusation ad serious it can be explained away.
It's not hard for abusers to have continued access to children.

Example, I know our local church kids holiday club doesn't vet volunteers properly. Which is why my kids will never go there.

not everyone bothers to get records

It's a legal requirement if you're employing someone in this role. She can't start work without the checks being completed, whether in a permanent job or employed through an agency (and they won't have been completed by yesterday!). I accept volunteering is slightly different as the requirements were relaxed to encourage people to volunteer, but why would she choose to volunteer?

You sound as if you think people can walk into a nursery and start work! Recruitment in these settings takes months, largely because of the need for these checks.

She could start with an agency today, not all agencies are that scrupulous.

That's so good to hear, hopefully she'll never be allowed to work with anyone vulnerable again. You did the right thing, it must be so hard.

I'm so glad everything's working out. Must have been awful that day.

Ignore the petty snipping, some people live in their own little bubble and cannot conceive of a life that differs from their own.

Where are MNHQ? Troll hunting on this thread is ridiculous.

You have NO idea how you would react if you witnessed this. I'm guessing the OP didn't quite believe what she had seen and was in shock.

People do commute three hours each way to work. A good friend of mine used to do:

Half hour bus
Hour train
half hour train
15 min bus
15min walk.

And that's without waiting around for trains. And we don't live near London.

Troll hunting on this thread is ridiculous Do you know, it didn't cross my mind to report anyone. I just know my own commute used to be as difficult, so I said so and moved on.. but yes! We should have reported. MNHQ can't be expected to read every post!

OurBlanche, allowIsthinkalot, and everyone else who mention troll hunting and understand the reality of my commute: you're right, those people are ridiculous, just ignore them. There will always be ignorant, judgmental and incredulous people, mainly on internet forums.
This thread was not meant to take a 'sensational' turn, it was a genuine query about how to react morally and legally.
I obviously know that it was morally right to inform the manager of the KW's behaviour, and that the KW has done something very wrong, but I still struggle about thinking I may have destroyed this person's life because I caught her in one moment of weakness.
We can all get very tired/ impatient/stressed out. I wouldn't violently hit/push my girl or any other child, but I also know that my grandmother would slap my LO on the wrist to 'teach her' not to touch something for instance and that it can look pretty violent. (that infuriates me and I tell her off but that's how they raised kids in the old days)
So I tried to rationalise the KW's behaviour thinking that she may have had a good reason to push the child, but she pushed him hard, and twice, and the more I think of it, the more I can't find a rationale for her behaviour: from what I saw, the baby in question wasn't trying to hurt another baby or grab something dangerous or whatever. She just lost her patience quite badly I suppose, and you cannot lose patience when you work in the childcare industry. So I know that morally it was the right thing to report her, however I am naive enough not to have considered the legal repercussions of it, and how much it would impact on her career, the dynamic with the other staff at the nursery etc.

No, don't feel guilty for what may happen to her career. She didn't make a mistake. She physically pushed a child. It wasn't 'losing her patience' or anything remotely excusable. It's not like a parent getting frustrated with a child. It's her job to be nurturing, modelling the right behaviour and being kind and caring. Repeatedly pushing a baby is not getting cross and losing her patience (which would be bad enough in a child care setting) but enjoying her power over someone so vulnerable. It's cruelty and has no place in the nursery. Good for you getting it sorted. I would still report it to OFSTED but include the info about the nursery manager's response and police involvement. I would ask for CCTV to be installed before considering sending your dd back. Also, ask if parents of other children 'looked after' by this person are told aswell as the child directly involved.

I totally get your fear of rocking the boat. This is why we are educated to rise above it and blow the whistle, and we are protected when we do this these days.

I work in childcare and these people need rooting out. I blame the job centres tbh they pressurise totally unsuitable candidates into applying for roles they never wanted in the first place and the nursery managers are usually quite naive young women themselves who are under equal pressure to fill vanancies quickly in order to comply with numbers so the nursery doesn't have to bring in agency staff or refuse customers. It's a sad state of affairs.

Totally understand your feelings - a similar thing happened at my child's nursery, actually a worse incident. I remember feeling very upset at what people were saying online. You don't know how you'll react and how you'll feel until you are the one involved in a situation. I can completely understand your need to leave your child their for the day because of your circumstances - it's not easy.

OP - your grandmother slaps your baby's wrist and you tell her off? Is this when you take your baby abroad to visit her or is she in U.K.?

I don't think you should worry about having 'destroyed (the key worker's) life' as she was happy to push the baby and to reduce your DD to shaking and tears.