Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to take my baby girl out of nursery after seeing her 'key person' push a crying baby twice?

196 replies

Snf13 · 30/01/2017 22:25

My little girl is 10 months and started nursery only a month ago! She had a hard time getting settled and I sometimes found her shaking and in tears when I was coming to get her in the evening. Something that had never happened before. She always was a happy baby!
I put it down to her not being used to new people, other babies, noise, a different routine etc.. but something strange was that my girl was friendly and holding her arms to other staff members except her key person at nursery. I found this woman quite rude and cold and she was making me uncomfortable but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt.
So, after a month, my LO was finally getting settled, but...this morning when I brought her to nursery, I caught the care giver red handed: she was sitting on the floor staring at a crying baby (8 months old) and she pushed him quite violently with her hand, he fell backwards and then found his balance back sitting, but started screaming (more of being scared than in pain I think) and she pushed him again! She had no compassion at all, and just looked like she just didn't care/was annoyed at his crying! It lasted a few seconds and then she saw me. She wasn't even apologetic or flustered. She just stood up and started getting the breakfast ready. She even had some sort of defiant look in my direction and didn't say Hello or Good morning as she usually does! She just shouted at another staff member to pick my daughter up from my arms! It was like she was pissed off I had caught her!
So I debated all day about what to do and felt sick in my stomach thinking she might be abusive to other kids, and my LO, and tonight, I said that my girl was not going to come back.
When she asked why, I said that I was looking for a new nursery ( I didn't want to confront her as she scared me) and she didn't probe more. It was obvious that she knew why I was taking my girl out, and the only thing she said was: 'You know you have to mention it 4 weeks in advance and we'll keep your payment for February?'
She didn't even fake she was going to miss my LO (she fakes 'loving her' and 'her being so cute' every evening)
I took my girl and said I was going to come and pick her things tomorrow. I intend to come and report the incident to the nursery's director at the same time. However I am conscious that there was no one else who saw this woman's behaviour and it is her word against mine!

Sorry for the long email, so all in all, my questions are:

  1. AIBU to take my LO (who just settled in) out of this nursery by fear she might not be cared for properly (or abused)?
  2. AIBU to report this incident/this woman to the director?
  3. Should I inform social services or is it too much?

Thanks for your advice/help!

OP posts:
SleightOfMind · 31/01/2017 11:32

Why is OP getting a slating on here? She's clearly described the difficulties of her working day and was obviously in shock after witnessing this incident.
How many of us have had something shocking happen and been too stunned to deal with it effectively in the moment - that's without the employment & childcare pressures OP is struggling with?

Some, nasty, judgy responses here.

Well done OP for removing your child and reporting. I remember being a working single parent in much easier circs and weighing up where to compromise when things go wrong is incredibly tough.

Your daughter is lucky to have you!

littlepooch · 31/01/2017 11:34

I would not be happy with the nursery managers response. I'm sorry but reading this is filling me with horror. Seriously- just because you've pulled your daughter out what about the other kids there?

littlepooch · 31/01/2017 11:34

I would not be happy with the nursery managers response. I'm sorry but reading this is filling me with horror. Seriously- just because you've pulled your daughter out what about the other kids there?

SquinkiesRule · 31/01/2017 11:39

I hope you can get the written report to her quickly, email maybe?
The woman assaulting that poor baby should be sacked on the spot and charges brought, god knows how many little babies who can't fight back have been tormented by this monster.

PinkTrotters · 31/01/2017 11:39

SleightOfMind because it is not OK to leave your own child or other children in the hands of an abuser. If that's being nasty and judgey then so be it!

Smudgykohl · 31/01/2017 11:42

Op I seriously hope you are a troll. No mother in gods green earth would leave their child with an adult they had just seen push over a baby twice. I don't give a fuck if you have to work.

I'd have been screaming the bloody place down until the police were called. She physically abused a BABY. Fuck off would I have been going anywhere

KayTee87 · 31/01/2017 11:44

sleight surely the compromise wouldn't be the child's safety though?

The more I think about it, the more I'm sure this can't be real as leaving a baby there would go against every instinct in most parents body.

Snf13 · 31/01/2017 12:08

I asked for advice, not getting abuse. Why are people mentioning I should get reported because I have to commute with baby? Should I repeat again?
I am working in London, I live in Surrey (moved there to afford a home for my child!), it takes me 3 hours door to door to get to work as I don't drive. I have no family in the UK, so I am completely alone here. I have no choice but to commute with baby so that she can be closer to me during the day (closer to my office) instead of living her to a childminder for more than 12 hours a day in Surrey.
I haven't started this thread to get judged. My situation already is difficult enough, I am aware that this is not the best life for a child but what other choice do I have? I wasn't supposed to be left by DD's dad when he heard I was pregnant! Anyway.

OP posts:
Snf13 · 31/01/2017 12:12

I left my baby with another staff member yesterday. I still felt sick knowing this other person was around. I removed baby now, have reported the person over the phone and in writing, and am meeting up with the nursery manager later on.
People judging me and thinking am a troll are making me sick. Don't you realise some people don't have the luck you have to have a support network?

OP posts:
Bedsheets4knickers · 31/01/2017 12:22

Op well done for reporting ,
In future please don't hesitate for a second if you see anything . You need to shout these type of things from the roof tops . The second you see it .. it's all our jobs to protect every child . That poor baby . I feel enraged .

2014newme · 31/01/2017 12:23

Have you reported it to ofsted though. That's what you need to do. Nursery otherwise may completely ignore your complaint.

Bedsheets4knickers · 31/01/2017 12:24

Her name needs reporting , she could go on to work somewhere else

HarryPottersMagicWand · 31/01/2017 12:26

Is there really no where nearer you can live? You mention looking for a job closer to home, why can't you look for a home closer to job?

I also am struggling to accept that anyone would walk away and leave their child with a child abuser, surely you could have phoned work and said what had happened. I honestly can't bet my head around how you could do that, then to not confront this woman! I'd feel sick if that was my baby, and to know you stood there and said nothing!

ThirdThoughts · 31/01/2017 12:27

Please check your eligibility for parental leave. You may be able to have time off of work whilst you arrange new childcare. Is your work something that could be done from home some of the time?

2014newme · 31/01/2017 12:30

She could turn up working at your next nursery if you don't take action. Free to abuse children because parents see it and don't report it.

RandomMess · 31/01/2017 12:32

Op I just want to give you Flowers I'm sure you were very much in shock yesterday, I am disheartened at the abuse from others on this thread rather than supportive advice to ensure that Ofsted are informed etc.

Having lived in the SE and having zero family support (but a hands on DH) people who don't just have no idea of the realities.

I agree exploring emergency parental leave is a good short term option.

Kronutpearl · 31/01/2017 12:32

This thread is making me shit myself about putting my 10mo in nursery Confused

user892 · 31/01/2017 12:32

Well done OP. Report to Ofsted today as well. I think the shock of what you witnessed clouded your judgement to keep quiet whilst on the premises and leaving your daughter yesterday. Sometimes we're so wrapped up in our daily goals we miss opportunities to act. It's normal Flowers

Strongmummy · 31/01/2017 12:33

I don't think it was clear OP that you commuted with your child. Apologies. I hope this situation is resolved asap and you find work closer to home. I would definitely explain the situation to your work.

Cherryskypie · 31/01/2017 12:39

Wow. 3 hours to get from Surrey to London. That's amazing.

MiaowMix · 31/01/2017 12:40

One hour bus, one hour train, and half an hour walk, from Surrey to London?

That really is an incredible journey to do on a daily basis. How unusual for it to take so long to get from commuter belt to London.

And a half an hour walk at the other end in London is just hideous bad luck. If only there was some kind of public transport network in London that enabled you to get around quicker...

KayTee87 · 31/01/2017 12:44

Wow. 3 hours to get from Surrey to London. That's amazing.

^i don't know the south well but yes, I'd have thought it was more like an hour on the train?

OurBlanche · 31/01/2017 12:48

Well, I don't live in Surrey but, where I used to live if I wanted to get into the closest city I would have to walk for about 45 minutes to the nearest bus stop, catch a bus 40 minutes in the wrong direction, into one town, then a second bus to the right city, another 40 minutes.

So OPs journey doesn't sound far fetched to me... excpet the half hour walk in London, but maybe she works out of the City itself! Who knows?

MipMipMip · 31/01/2017 12:51

Well done OP, you've done the right thing. And you're clearly doing the right thing for baby - she has an amazing role model in you.

ApproachingATunnel · 31/01/2017 12:52

Why does it matter how long OP commutes to work?Hmm Why all the pisstaking? Could it be perhaps that walking gets OP to work quicker than having to wait at the bus stop for a bus which might not be that frequent and might not stop right outside OP's workplace anyways?
Her commute is none of out business, can we go back to the point of this post please?

Swipe left for the next trending thread