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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is really rude not to reply to a party invite?

117 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 29/01/2017 21:43

Last Monday they were sent out, 12 of them for DS2's 7th birthday. Party is in 2 weeks. I see most of the mums every day at pick up and drop off. As of today I had only had 4 replies. I chased 4 of the mums who all came back and said sorry for the delay and accepted.

Pisses me off that I had to chase replies. I respond within a day or 2 of getting an invite. It really isn't difficult.

I have been irrationally Angry about this and almost want to tell all of them to fuck right off and forget the party Angry

OP posts:
7SunshineSeven7 · 29/01/2017 21:45

Its only been a week. People have lives and other stuff to do Confused

ceeveebee · 29/01/2017 21:48

Did you put a deadline for RSVPs to be received by?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 29/01/2017 21:48

Goodness me hold you fire. The party is 2 weeks away. I understand fully if it were the night before and you had to ring round all the parents and you were tearing your hair out not getting a reply, but not 2 weeks before. You've got 5 replies already. You're only waiting for 7 more replies. Relax. By cancelling the party. Itll be your ds your hurting.

CheshireSplat · 29/01/2017 21:48

I had our first whole class party a couple of weeks ago. 25 invites. Over half responded. Of this that didn't one did come. None of the others did. A couple of people replied late because their children had taken the invites out and stashed them in places that their parents didn't find them immediately. Those parents were mortified. I have no idea if the other invites never got home or were just ignored.

IN the end I decided to chill out about it as I was getting a bit bitter and it was only me it was upsetting!

Did you put an RSVP date on? If not, I personally wouldn't expect to reply within a couple of days. I'd assume a week or so.

When DH was little, he'd hide invites because he hated parties. Poor MIL.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 29/01/2017 21:50

God OP, how dare you interrupt peoples busy and important lives with such mundane things as party invites. It's not as if a text saying yes or no takes 20 seconds or a verbal yes or no in the playground take seconds. .....oh wait.

YANBU. I think it's really rude. I always reply straight away because either something will already be on so I can decline, or kids are free so I can say yes. Texts takes seconds to send. My DC has a party coming up. Invites were sent out the first week of term. 11 haven't bothered to reply. Sod them, I won't be providing extra party bags. Some I chased up this week, all with the same "oh I've been trying to catch you/was just about to tell you." I'm in the playground every day. Catching me isn't difficult.

AmeliaJack · 29/01/2017 21:52

Get over yourself - seriously.

You don't chase after less than a week that's really rude.

Before replying to a party invite my DH and I have to coordinate calendars to check that at least one of us is available to take the child in between all the other things that we have going on at the weekend, that the invitee is available to attend, that another child isn't doing something that precludes additional arrangements and possibly sort out a car share with another family.

That's all in addition to checking that the child actually wants to go.

It can easily take us a week to sort out. Your kids party is at the top of your priority list, it's not at the top of mine.

I always respond in good time but I'd be deeply irritated if you chased me before the week was out.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 29/01/2017 21:56

Harry I'm with you all the way Grin. I am tempted to only book places for those who have responded. Except of course I won't because I don't want to upset DS2

It takes a few seconds to text, or tell me in the playground a yes or no.

I think judging from the replies I must have much higher standards wrt to responding to invites. I didn't put an RSVP date because I would have thought that good manners dictate you respond within a couple of days!

OP posts:
Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 29/01/2017 21:59

Seriously Jack I have 2 DC and a DH and it really does not take a week to co ordinate whether a child is free for 2 hours a week on Saturday.

Sounds like you are one of the types of mums who really piss me off. Its a yes or no, or even a maybe. Just a yes I've had the invite and I'll get back to you would be better than nothing at all

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 29/01/2017 22:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 29/01/2017 22:03

yeh navy I know. This is just one of the things which really really annoys me.

Its fucking slack tbh

OP posts:
HarryPottersMagicWand · 29/01/2017 22:06

I agree funny. How ridiculous that looking at a calendar, speaking to a partner and asking a child if they want to go, takes a whole week. Smacks of 'my life is so busy and important and I'll reply when it's convenient to me, regardless of the fact I'm appearing rude.'

And people wonder why their children don't get invited. I won't be inviting the non repliers again, and one is one of DDs best friends!

NavyandWhite · 29/01/2017 22:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Believeitornot · 29/01/2017 22:08

It usually takes me a while because I work and don't actually see the invite straight away. It might end up tucked in a book bag. Then I stick it on the fridge and as I'm busy with work and survival, I do forget Blush

Walk a mile in my shoes and all that

melj1213 · 29/01/2017 22:10

It's been a week, with another two weeks till the party, with no RSVP date FFS ... YABU about the lack of RSVPs under those conditions.

If you want RSVPs by a certain date, put that on the invites, people are not mind readers that you want them 2 weeks in advance of the party.

MarciaBlaine · 29/01/2017 22:13

People are busy! No matter that it takes 2 mins. You need to stop being so precious.

melj1213 · 29/01/2017 22:15

I agree funny. How ridiculous that looking at a calendar, speaking to a partner and asking a child if they want to go, takes a whole week. Smacks of 'my life is so busy and important and I'll reply when it's convenient to me, regardless of the fact I'm appearing rude.'

For some people it can take that long, because maybe they have other commitments as well as your kid's party?

Maybe they are a blended family with half a dozen schedules to co-ordinate, or they just have a lot on and they are waiting to hear back if grandma can take DD1 to their football tournament so that DH is free to take DD2 to swimming and you can take DS1 to the party ... or even just that the party is 3 weeks away so they have had other priorities that week and will get round to it when they get a moment.

bumsexatthebingo · 29/01/2017 22:16

Yanbu. About a third don't reply imo. I chased the non repliers by text last party I did and 2 of them ignored the text as well! Also people who bring extra siblings when it's not soft play.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 29/01/2017 22:16

Believe I work as does DH. I check book bags every night and reply within a day or two. Its really not hard. Its just a matter of being organised.

Harry just us then? I'll invite your DD next time and you can invite my DS. At least we will know where we are!

OP posts:
Believeitornot · 29/01/2017 22:20

Well done you for being so organised Wink

I have a four hour commute each day and little time at home on my work days. So I prioritise the dcs homework and school letters/admin etc. Party invites are a bit lower down I'm afraid.

NavyandWhite · 29/01/2017 22:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

user1477282676 · 29/01/2017 22:24

I reply within 1 or 2 days OP but on here you will find a LOT of people leave it much longer. They say "Oh I forget" or "I'm busy!" but really...how hard is it to glance through your child's book bag each evening?

That's something everyone should do.

Then you look at the invitation and see if you can go via your own calendar.

I think people wait till' last minute just in case they get a better offer or just in case they can't be arsed on the day.

It's rude.

bumsexatthebingo · 29/01/2017 22:25

No problem with people who don't reply straight away but 1/3 of the kids I invited hadn't replied the day before the party (had had invited for 3 weeks). Most of them said they'd been meaning to let me know their child was coming. I felt like saying when? On the way in the door? It leaves you with the issue of whether to potentially overpay for kids who don't come or leave some without a meal/party bag. Really rude and unfair to the kids as they prob don't get invited to many parties due to the parents bad manners.

MusicToMyEars800 · 29/01/2017 22:26

I always reply asap, even if I have to hunt the parent down in the jungle of the school playgrounds, but I don't always reply in the first couple of days, depends on when the party is.. but there have been times when I've been crazily busy and just forgot which I then feel awful about.. all I can say is give it a day or 2 and see how many replies you get.

NavyandWhite · 29/01/2017 22:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2017 22:27

I'm irritated by your lack of compassion for others. We aren't all superstar, mega organised parents with boundless energy. Some of us have good soft skills instead. I'm chronically ill and it used to take me ages to reply because I didn't have the energy and needed it for other things like collecting my dd from school or having a shower. I don't think you'll have heard of spoon theory. It's a disability metaphor. Replying to the text would have taken me over the number of spoons I had for the day and then I wouldn't have been able to feed my dd or some such.

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