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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think it is really rude not to reply to a party invite?

117 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 29/01/2017 21:43

Last Monday they were sent out, 12 of them for DS2's 7th birthday. Party is in 2 weeks. I see most of the mums every day at pick up and drop off. As of today I had only had 4 replies. I chased 4 of the mums who all came back and said sorry for the delay and accepted.

Pisses me off that I had to chase replies. I respond within a day or 2 of getting an invite. It really isn't difficult.

I have been irrationally about this and almost want to tell all of them to fuck right off and forget the party

OP posts:

ceeveebee · 30/01/2017 14:36

Strongmummy, OP didn't put an RSVP date on though, she just assumed everyone was psychic and would know she needed replies immediately...

Ladydepp · 30/01/2017 14:47

I have 3 dc's, they have each had a party almost every year since they were 3 or so. Oldest is 14. I have never had anyone turn up that hadn't RSVP'd, and I've never heard a friend mention it either. Is this just a MN thing? .

Why do you need to know so early anyway? I send out invites a few weeks in advance, send a chaser about a week before and then count how many have said yes. Anyone who hasn't replied is a no. Most party venues only need a week's notice at most.

I am as ever fascinated by what small things people can get annoyed about.

MackerelOfFact · 30/01/2017 15:23

I don't usually reply to party invites immediately, unless we definitely can't make it.

Yes, this. In my experience of sending out invitations or request, for work or social events or parties or anything, those that know they definitely can't come will respond first, everyone else will double-check and confirm once they've sorted out their arrangements.

Surely it's better that people take a week or so to get back so that they know for certain if they can commit, rather than getting a load of initial 'yes' responses that turn out to be no-shows?

If you need a response by a certain date though, you need to put it on the invite, people aren't psychic!

CactusFred · 30/01/2017 15:28

It is rude but only really if not replied a week before I think.

I had someone reply in the day to my ds party - very rude! But then two no reply at all despite bumping into the mum's and asking if they'd had the invite and them saying they'd check then nothing (even ruder!)

Coastalcommand · 30/01/2017 15:41

I am sorry to say it but if we're talking about setting the right example for children, can we call them invitations? Invite is the verb and invitation the noun; we can't expect children to understand this unless we make it clear ourselves.

TheNaze73 · 30/01/2017 16:38

You sound very uptight Op.

Surely life is too short?

SheldonCRules · 30/01/2017 17:07

It is rude, it takes second to check a calendar and text back.

I knew from others people don't reply or leave it till the last minute to keep their options open so put an RSVP date on and if no response didn't book them a place. The few non repliers didn't get a second invite.

bumsexatthebingo · 30/01/2017 20:04

Isn't that unfair to the kids though. If they get turned away or have no party bag/meal. I wouldn't want to do that as it's not their fault their parent cba replying. I wouldn't encourage my child to invite them again though.

BathshebaDarkstone · 30/01/2017 21:10

What about parties that parents have to book? DD had one a couple of years ago. Cue loads of emails apologising to the company, and eventually having to estimate numbers.

HarryPottersMagicWand · 30/01/2017 21:28

"Plus it's just not that important"

Wow, do you have that attitude towards your own children's birthdays? I bet you don't. Thankfully, I see these things as important to my child, so I make sure I can prioritise and 'be bothered' to take them. Some peoples attitudes are really disgusting.

If I do a pay per head party, I only do it for children who's mums I'm friends with. I can guarantee a reply then. I won't do it for parents that I don't speak to.

melj1213 · 31/01/2017 01:19

What about parties that parents have to book?

In those cases I will send invitations out and put an RSVP date that is maybe a week before the final numbers have to be confirmed. Kids places where you have to book pp around here are usually good if you tell them "We've invited 30, but I will confirm the exact number on when we have to pay the balance"

That way, people can reply and then I have only had to chase the few parents who haven't RSVPed, and it usually just takes a quick text of "Hey, we need to confirm numbers for the party on Saturday, so please let me know either way if your DC is coming or not. If I don't hear from you by Wednesday I will assume they definitely won't be coming and won't book a place for them. Thanks!" and the last few RSVPs come in and I've never had people turn up who haven't let me know they're coming.

BathshebaDarkstone · 31/01/2017 06:17

Lucky you. I did.

AliTheMinx · 31/01/2017 06:35

YANBU. Good manners and decency dictate that you reply as soon as possible to enable the host to plan accordingly and confirm numbers with the venue, etc. I always reply as soon as I am able (maybe after checking the calendar at home) and if there is any delay for whatever reason (e.g. waiting for other plans to be confirmed) I would thank the host for the invitation, explain the situation and promise to get back to them with a definitive answer ASAP. I was infuriated by the slow responses to my son's party. Several parents had to be (politely) chased numerous times... Gah!

emmyrose2000 · 31/01/2017 06:46

I agree. Not RSVPing is just plain rude and there's no excuse for it.

But surely putting an RSVP on the invitation is just plain common sense? Without an RSVP date, it's probably not surprising that people didn't actually.... RSVP.

I've never received an invitation without an RSVP date, but if i did I'd probably be terribly confused and wonder whether I was supposed to let the host know I was coming or not.

TheDowagerCuntess · 31/01/2017 08:03

It is rude not to RSVP, but you are being ridiculous chasing people up when the party is 2 weeks away.

I'd be utterly if I was chased up for an RSVP just over a week after I'd received it, and the party was two weeks away.

Especially if you hadn't put an 'RSVP by ...' date on it.

Themoleandcrew · 31/01/2017 09:17

I have three kids and both my husband and I work shifts. I still manage to reply within a couple of days. Even if we are waiting for our shifts to be confirmed, it's not difficult to send a quick message telling the parent that. It's just good manners.

Can you tell my daughters party invites went out two weeks ago and we've had 5/30 replies.

Rab19 · 31/01/2017 22:25

We invited the whole of DS2's class, football team & karate mates to his swimming 7th birthday. There was a mix up with the pool and the day before I was told we had to be in an hour earlier. I text everyone who RSVP'd and 44 kids turned up at the right time.

One child turned up an hour late as we were all getting out and the Mum started to shout and kick off till I pointed out she'd never actually told me they were coming and that's why I didnt tell her about the change!! She backed right down and we gave her a goodie bag etc. But her kid missed out because she couldn't be arsed to reply!

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