Page 3 | to think it is really rude not to reply to a party invite?

FunnysInLaJardin · 2017-01-29T21:43:48+00:00

Last Monday they were sent out, 12 of them for DS2's 7th birthday. Party is in 2 weeks. I see most of the mums every day at pick up and drop off. As of today I had only had 4 replies. I chased 4 of the mums who all came back and said sorry for the delay and accepted. Pisses me off that I had to chase replies. I respond within a day or 2 of getting an invite. It really isn't difficult. I have been irrationally [angry] about this and almost want to tell all of them to fuck right off and forget the party [angry]

Whywonttheyletmeusemyusername · 29/01/2017 23:05

Exactly what the OP says, and HarryPotter !!! Its rude, and there is no excuse. And this is from someone who works full time, and single mum to 4 kids

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2017 23:11

HarryPotter. As you have a disablilty, it's unsurprising you know of spoon theory. Op is talking as though everyone should be supermum like her. It's a fair assumption she would not know about spoon theory. My post was not designed to be patronising. It's unfortunate you took it that way. And again, it isn't that simple. Because I wouldn't have even had the energy to go in dds bag. I would have got home and collapsed on the sofa - if I made it that far - otherwise it would have been the floor. Dh did all that stuff and told me about the invites.

hoddtastic · 29/01/2017 23:13

we often end up being late to reply, because like it or not, if we have a chance to do something fun for 5 of us (ie a weekend away at the last minute) i'd rather do that than hang round in a church hall at a 7 yo party. Sometimes we get a better offer, if we do, i will take it, i will also be absolutely fine if you get one the same day as my kids party.

I don't have the inclination to make 5 people hover round the house for an entire sunny, beautiful weekend when we might fancy being at the beach with our mates in a tent or in their holiday home to fulfil a party invitation.

Doowappydoo · 29/01/2017 23:14

I'm pretty organised and always try to reply straight away but on occasion I haven't - sometimes invites haven't made it home and I have, in the past, had to wait until I could arrange lifts with another parent before knowing whether or not we could make it.

I think it's slightly OTT of you to get pissed off less than a week after handing out invites when the party is 2 weeks away. You need to put a RSVP by date on if you want a reply by a certain date. If you don't people probably don't think there is a particular rush.

People have all sorts of things going on in their lives you may know nothing about.

FixItUpChappie · 29/01/2017 23:14

I agree with you OP.

Doesn't take much empathy to understand that many parents are anxious to know if their kid is going to be sitting there excited about a party that's not going to happen. Basic manners to let the host know as soon as possible - so other arrangements can be made and expectations managed if there aren't many or any yes's. If we can make a party we send a quick thank you for the invite too - it's nice when your kid is invited to things.

I speculate those who don't respond must have a wealth of kids in their family or friends with same age kids that can bulk out any event so don't need their kid to have school friends.

Bunnyfuller · 29/01/2017 23:15

I'm with you OP. I understand if they get lost, but most don't, it's just people not bothering their ass to reply. It's 2 hrs, for goodness sake.

I had this with a hairdresser in the last 2 weeks ignored my texts until I asked her on her FB page how to book an apt. She said she had been in hospital, but bizarrely had posts going from after my texts thanking her for haircut!

Too many rude people. Bet they're different when it's them awaiting responses.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2017 23:15

hodd - If that is your mindset, wouldn't it be best to just decline every invite?

Bunnyfuller · 29/01/2017 23:17

I put on a Halloween party for kids in our road once. No replies, then 3 mum's with 6 kids arrived an hour after the invite.

And acted like I was the baddie for not delaying everything. Never again.

FixItUpChappie · 29/01/2017 23:18

if we have a chance to do something fun for 5 of us (ie a weekend away at the last minute) i'd rather do that than hang round in a church hall at a 7 yo party. Sometimes we get a better offer, if we do, i will take it,

what a self-absorbed attitude. Just decline if your going to be an ass about it. There is a kid on the other end of that invitation who might not be as popular and fortunate as your own.

hoddtastic · 29/01/2017 23:20

no, because sometimes we are free/here- i don't reply to the last minute usually (and only then when i've worked out what all of us are planning for the weekend)
But summer and Xmas are crazy, if the weather is amazing and we get a fun offer then I will always do that, we'd be crazy not to. I am always honest about something coming up (ie we have been offered a weekend away/tickets to a festival) but it can be as late as the mid week of the week before that we're offered it, if we've accepted i'll tell the host what's happened too (honestly) and if they choose to be angry about that then it's their choice, I am not and wouldn't be were tables turned. It's 2 hours of a party for one kid vs a weekend of fun for an entire family. no brainer really.

Doowappydoo · 29/01/2017 23:20

hodd sorry - don't really agree with the "leave it late and see if we get a better offer approach" if you're not sure decline but I think that's pretty rude.

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2017 23:24

hodd had posted the exact same shit on other threads. I remember now. She really doesn't seem to care about rudeness. Her family first and all that.

glitterazi · 29/01/2017 23:26

Ooh, not read all the replies but do not even get me started on people who don't respond to party invites.
As a mum to someone who has a birthday in the middle of the summer holidays, it is an absolute pain in the arse arranging birthday parties as soo many people are SO rude and don't even bother letting you know whether they're coming or not. When you break up from school mid July and the party is in August, how are you supposed to chase them?
With a mobile number at the bottom of the invite it takes seconds to say yay or nay to whether you're coming or not.
Most places demand numbers upfront, or a week or so in advance which is kind of hard if some haven't even bothered to get back to you!

AddToBasket · 29/01/2017 23:28

YABU, it's not rude, there are loads of reasons why it can take this long to organise family arrangements for something three weeks ahead.

Party invites might be your priority but they aren't mine. Why didn't you just ask the parents when you saw them?

sixandoot · 29/01/2017 23:28

YANBU about it being rude to not respond to an invitation.
YABU to a) not put an RSVP date and b) in the absence of an RSVP date expect people to respond two weeks before the date of the party.

Ladydepp · 29/01/2017 23:28

YABU - of course it's great if everyone can RSVP instantly but it's not always doable for several reasons:

I have 3 dc's, if DH is not around at the weekend then I have to sort out logistics and this can't always be done instantly
I plan to RSVP to invite but I get distracted and forget
my dc does not give me the invite and I eventually find it scrumpled at the bottom of their bag
you are an annoying smug wannabe supermum and I know it will piss you off to not RSVP to your precious party

It's normally 2 or 4 if I'm late to reply.

glitterazi · 29/01/2017 23:34

Most of them said they'd been meaning to let me know their child was coming. I felt like saying when? On the way in the door? It leaves you with the issue of whether to potentially overpay for kids who don't come or leave some without a meal/party bag.

Yes to this. Will never forget the party I had to pay for the meals upfront with no idea if they were even going to come or not.
Ended up with six extra party bags and six extra party meals as had to pay 3 days in advance with the final numbers.
At £7 a head that was a lot of money and food to throw away on ditherers.
It was either that or think "screw you, I'll assume you're not coming then so don't be expecting any food if you turn up." I'm too nice though and should take that stance in future.
As it is, we don't bother with parties any more and have birthday days out instead as they're much less hassle and reliant on other people.

hoddtastic · 29/01/2017 23:35

i don't think it's rude, it's not about you/your kid, it's not personal. At all.

I don't think anyone anywhere is sat at home wondering if we can come to their party. I can't do everything, I say the same to the kids when they aren't asked to stuff too. I really don't think it's rude, a weekend away for five people not happening because one of the 7 year olds has a 2 hour bounce in a church hall on the sunday morning? That's just not going to happen. Some weekends we clear the decks totally and i will take the birthday kid out/have the family over here to make up for it. No kids notice one kid missing from their parties. For the past 3 years my DS's best friend hasn't been to his party and vice versa because they had other commitments, it's a kids party, not a kidney transplant!

Mummyoflittledragon · 29/01/2017 23:41

You must live in a very different community from me and a lot of other mumsnetters then hodd. Because no one at dds school would act like this. I've in the past had to chase rsvps when they've got past the rsvp date. But never have people dropped out because they decided last minute to go away for the weekend or because they had a better offer. And if only a handful of kids are going, yes, your dc willl be very much missed.

foxyloxy78 · 29/01/2017 23:53

I am totally only booking spaces for the kids who rsvpd. That's the point of an rsvp. I had about 50% of the class not bother to reply. Does not matter, still a decent. Umber and ds will be happy. Very rude not to rsvp by the given date though.

ColdCottage · 30/01/2017 00:05

Just realised I've done this.
Ds invited 2 weeks ago via my mum to a fried of hers grandsons party. Just had the thought at the time of opening it, that we could probably do it but needed to check the diary and I totally forgot.

Ds is only 2 and only knows Birthday child via my mum and her friend. Sweet to be asked but as I don't actually know child or mum it kind of fell off my radar. Am I a terrible person? Feel bad.

Mummyoflittledragon · 30/01/2017 00:10

No Cold that makes you human.

hoddtastic · 30/01/2017 00:20

i think i must mummy, but that's ok, the people in my community seem quite relaxed/understanding about this kind of thing, which is a blessing given we are all pretty slack about it.

Bunnyfuller · 30/01/2017 00:25

I kinda get the 2 hrs in a drafts hall, but what about parents that have booked something more, Hodd? And meanwhile you sit it out in case nothing better shows up? Do you approach your own friendships like this? What do you think your children might take from this example? Have you ever asked anyone how they felt about being last choice?

I rather think the invites for your children will start dwindling as the children get older, and it's sad that you think it's ok to treat people in such a disposable way.

Believeitornot · 30/01/2017 07:33

we often end up being late to reply, because like it or not, if we have a chance to do something fun for 5 of us (ie a weekend away at the last minute) i'd rather do that than hang round in a church hall at a 7 yo party. Sometimes we get a better offer, if we do, i will take it, i will also be absolutely fine if you get one the same day as my kids party

Bloody hell thats rude! There's no way I'd do that.