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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think it is really rude not to reply to a party invite?

117 replies

FunnysInLaJardin · 29/01/2017 21:43

Last Monday they were sent out, 12 of them for DS2's 7th birthday. Party is in 2 weeks. I see most of the mums every day at pick up and drop off. As of today I had only had 4 replies. I chased 4 of the mums who all came back and said sorry for the delay and accepted.

Pisses me off that I had to chase replies. I respond within a day or 2 of getting an invite. It really isn't difficult.

I have been irrationally Angry about this and almost want to tell all of them to fuck right off and forget the party Angry

OP posts:
hoddtastic · 30/01/2017 07:51

It's not the scale of the party- that would be really awful! if it helps we'd ditch almost any couple of hours social thing for one person if there was something else coming up- ie if DP had a ticket to Rugby and pals were up for a weekend away he'd not go to rugby.

We reply late to things- unless I know for sure there's no chance of us bailing out (when we reply immediately / like everyone else) I just wouldn't prioritise one person doing one thing over all of us.

I don't think / haven't noticed invites dropping off so perhaps people appreciate the honesty (and the returned treats their DC get?)

What's increasingly happening now is the kids have team spots / matches so that's clipped our wings somewhat Sad but perhaps made us even more likely to scarper when we can!

bumsexatthebingo · 30/01/2017 07:52

I doubt people are relaxed about it Hodd. They probably just have better manners than you so don't want to cause a scene over it. Where I live parties are now often in activity/trampoline places where you are paying £10-15 per head that someone would have to pay for your child who didn't turn up. Fine if you think you may get a better offer but at least have the decency to decline so that the host doesn't end up paying for your child's place!

questioningitall · 30/01/2017 09:07

I got fed up with lost paper invites (including being chased by other mums when DC had lost theirs!). Paperless post is great. You can see when they've been received, send a map and then chase RSVP with a polite note when you need to know numbers.

Most of the mums at DCs schools do a save the date text or email month or so in advance so they have an idea of numbers. Helps if you've booked something that requires advance info on numbers / ages etc.

Coastalcommand · 30/01/2017 09:16

YABU. Sounds like you're sucking all the fun out if the party before it even starts. As for telling everyone to fuck off and forget the party, surely it isn't about you?

Katy07 · 30/01/2017 10:00

Surely when you get the invitation in your hot little hand you ask your child if they want to go, then you check your diary / calendar to see if you can get them there (and if you can, you log it in so you don't forget), then you text the parent on the mobile number thoughtfully provided on the invite. Job done, 5 minutes. So where do the other 6 days, 23 hours and 55 minutes get spent? Confused I'm with you OP Brew

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 30/01/2017 10:17

Katy that's my approach. Hardly supermum or smug, just easier to get it done.

Anyway I now have 11 out of 12 responses and so can pay for the party knowing that the majority of the children can attend.

Still don't understand why you wouldn't even acknowledge having received the invite on the basis that I see all of these parents every day at school....

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 30/01/2017 10:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NavyandWhite · 30/01/2017 10:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Lymmmummy · 30/01/2017 10:39

I think it is personally rude - but others do not - you are with me in my gang

Best not get upset by it - it will be absolutely nothing personal to you or your child merely a case of other parents not thinking in the same way you do or being busy and responding quickly to invites not being something they make a priority of

I really hope the party goes really well I know how stressed it can feel organising them x

NavyandWhite · 30/01/2017 10:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HandsomeDevil · 30/01/2017 10:49

I often don't reply until the weekend after invitations have been received, when I can sit down and work out how feasible it is for us to get there when we know what else is going on (bearing in my DH is a shift worker and I have more than one child to accommodate). I'm not offended by being chased though - on a couple of occasions I've been chased for a response to an invitation that never made it home in the first place, so IMO it's fine to check that people have actually received their invitation.

Original poster
FunnysInLaJardin · 30/01/2017 11:07

Navy only because I chased them. If I hadn't no doubt I would still be waiting

OP posts:
NavyandWhite · 30/01/2017 11:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Note3 · 30/01/2017 11:14

I'm with you OP. I think it's rude, but then even worse than that are the people who don't bother to reply and then turn up! Can honestly say I've been gobsmacked at that one. Oh and then the ones who bring along their younger and older siblings (without checking it's ok - and I'm not talking babe's in arms but kids who fully take part in the party and eat a load of food) and who then come up and ask for a party bag and cry when you explain you don't have one for them. Whole barrel of laughs some parties are!!

TinyTear · 30/01/2017 11:27

I invited 5 children to my daughter's 5th birthday... sent emails to 4 (didn't have the contact of number 5) and got invitations on book bags of all

i don't do drop off or pick up so don't see any mothers...

3 replied yes
1 replied yes and apologised it wasn't earlier as she saw me in a class meeting
1 NEVER REPLIED - guess what, the never replied one ended up doing a dump and run - so someone who didn't reply to the invitation, i had to contact details for her and don't even know her surname or where she leaves, dumped her daughter at the door with another parent and said 'back at 4'

they are all only 4/5 years old!

so yes, rude not to reply and show up - and even ruder to do dump and run when you don't even know the parents

we could have been anyone, the girl could have an accident and we wouldn't know how to reach the mother!

BeMorePanda · 30/01/2017 12:17

I will usually RSVP, but really kids parties aren't high on my "importance" radar. Sometimes I forget. I'm rubbish at checking books bags too so I often miss invites lurking in there.

But if you want to go through life thinking other parents are rude because they don't subscribe to your way of doing things, you are of course free to be like this. Good for you.

IME most people turn up to parties. Usually with siblings.

melj1213 · 30/01/2017 12:33

Navy only because I chased them. If I hadn't no doubt I would still be waiting

You only sent the invites out (literally) a week ago.

It is still two weeks until the party.

You put no RSVP deadline on the invites.

The other parents are not being unreasonable to have not RSVPed yet, and yet you have "chased" them for one because you think it's rude that they have dared take a week (which is a totally reasonable amount of time considering the time scales here, IMHO) to get back to you. If it was that time sensitive that you get an immediate RSVP you should have indicated that on the invites.

SeaWitchly · 30/01/2017 12:43

Gee Hodd, if that is your attitude I am surprised that your children get invited to parties at all.
And I agree with PP who say that is a shoddy way to act and imo a bad example to your children... yeah just leave people dangling when they invite you to something that is important to them and if something 'better' comes up feel free to say you don't feel like it now, you would rather do something else more worthwhile or interesting.

It makes it so much worse that it is a small child that you are disappointing too.

Why don't you do everyone a favour and just decline the party invitations, that way everyone is happy. You won't be letting people down at the last minute and you will also be free to be spontaneous and plan events for yourself at a moment's notice. No-one need feel obliged, hurt or disappointed.

But I suspect you are also the type of person who if nothing better did come up would be quite readily presenting yourself at the door of the soft play with your child and invitation and probably consider the party hosts oh so lucky that you decided to take time out of your whirlwind social life and grace them with your presence Hmm

Strongmummy · 30/01/2017 13:30

It's bloody annoying and rude, totally agree. I work full time and still manage to respond to RSVPs by (usually well before the deadline). However, some kids don't remember to give the invitations to their parents/parents don't look in school bags and so unfortunately it is a fact that you will have to chase responses.

NavyandWhite · 30/01/2017 13:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeordieShorefg · 30/01/2017 13:51

OP you sound reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeallllly highly strung.

ShesAStar · 30/01/2017 13:53

I don't usually reply before a week because I have to make arrangements for where the other DC will be. Plus it's just not that important, I always RSVP but I had no idea people expected it within the week. If OP had chased me after a few days I'd find it a real PITA. Too intense - relax!

IWantATardis · 30/01/2017 14:11

I don't usually reply to party invites immediately, unless we definitely can't make it. I usually have to find some childcare for whichever DC isn't invited, and that involves checking DHs rota or ringing around babysitters. And I'm also often guilty of putting the invite to one side with the intention of checking childcare etc that evening, and then getting distracted by other stuff going on.

I agree that putting an RSVP date on invites is a good idea if you want a firm idea of numbers sooner rather than later.

I got chased for an RSVP for the last party invite we got. Party mum put an RSVP date on, which was 2 weeks after the invites were handed out. Fine. Party mum then sent a group message to most of the mums in the class 3 days after the invites were handed out - so well before the time she'd asked us to RSVP by - asking if we'd got the invites, because no one had RSVPed Hmm and she wanted to know if anyone was coming to the party. I did wonder why bother putting that RSVP date on the invite if she actually wanted RSVPs more than a week before that.

Strongmummy · 30/01/2017 14:17

If someone puts a reply date on an invite you rsvp to that date. If you need to sort childcare etc...you tell the person you need to sort childcare and will be late with the rsvp. It's polite and really not that hard to do! People don't put a reply date on an invite for a laugh. I wish people would stop pretending their lives are somehow more hectic than others!! Shows such a disregard to others.

bumsexatthebingo · 30/01/2017 14:23

The op is definitely being overkeen. I usually put the rsvp date for the week before as that's when venues tend to want the balance around here. Around half will have replied by then. Then you get more in dribs and drabs throughout the week including some on the day 'sorry, forgot to reply. Can they still come?' As if you have the option to say no. Then, of course, the ones who turn up without replying. Yet are clearly aware there have been invitations to know the venue and time. Just for some reason don't think the rsvp bit applies to them. They are the most likely to bring siblings/cousins/neighbours they are minding with them as well. But I'm sure these people can't help any if this and it's me who needs to be more understanding Hmm

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