Bed blocking in hospitals

[SummitLove]

AIBU to think that actually a lot of this situation is being caused by families taking no, or very little responsibility, in caring for their elderly relatives?

Are we, as a society, now in a situation where many of us our so entitled we just expect social services or the health services to provide everything? Seems to have been a huge shift from families being involved in care to families expecting others to provide care for elderly relatives.

Mooching over this thought today and would love to hear responses from both sides.

Have three elderly people near us (one couple and one single) that we help out as their families appear to have washed their hands of them. They rarely visit, don't organise simple things like online shopping, or come and help with trimming the hedges in the summer. Honestly, it's been so cold these past few days that I would have expected someone to have called or check in on them.

'It's a meagre allowance anyway (£62 a week) and on top of that you could have other dependent family members including children, as well as holding down a job. '

And it's taxable, too! Yes.

Space, money and distance. Our society is more disparate than ever, and a perfect example is the regular threads telling people that if they can't afford a home where they grew up they have to move. The govt is creating half of this issue by breaking up communities through HB caps in expensive areas, meaning parents don't get parental help with childcare and the elderly aren't near their kids. Then everyone gets all surprised when there isn't any familial support. And all the whole services are being cut, and charities are expected to pick.up the slack.

TheFirst

If you read my OP you would see no care was being offered by the families :-)

If a person can't make a cup of tea for themselves then surely they can't make any meals for them selves so will need more than someone popping in occasionally.

My father needs 24 hour care & help with every function except eating & drinking. He was a bed blocker for several months because no nursing home would take him. We need state run nursing homes with the funding to take all who need the care.

whatsthepoint - as someone higher up has said, I think we are talking different levels here. I would have thought that most people who can feed themselves and get out of bed unhelped wouldn't be bed blockers as in the main they could go back to their homes. popping over once a day to someone nearby to make a cup of tea is one thing. But what many of us are talking about are people who need almost constant care because they can't feed themselves or take themselves to the toilet unaided. these are the people that normally have to go into carehomes, along with the mentally ill - who I imagine also would need constant care. this is a totally different ball game to poppy in once a day to someone nearby.

My father needs 24 hour care & help with every function except eating & drinking. He was a bed blocker for several months because no nursing home would take him. We need state run nursing homes with the funding to take all who need the care.

I looked after my grandmother for years after my grandfather died. None of this involved a cup of tea and checking the bloody heating.

People aren't stuck in hospitals because they need someone to come and hold their hand and make sure the coal is in. They are there because their houses are unsuitable, the most common thing being that the only loo and bathroom is upstairs and they can't manage the stairs any more and there is no money to build a downstairs wet room or install a stair lift (which in itself is a risk as they become more frail).

Or that their homes are actively dangerous in some way, faulty wiring for example and sending them there will be deleterious to their health.

Or that they have complex medical needs that can't be monitored by someone who lives an hour away.

"Bed blocking" is also a really nasty pejorative invented by the previous Tory government to conveniently blame elderly people for their illnesses.

I won't be looking after my mother if she becomes infirm, she has been abusive and vile her whole life to me and I won't be willingly put in that situation again. MiL can also get lost, she was coming here when she retired, but then decided to try and fix DH up with someone else when he went to look after her last. Both women have other relatives who they think are just splendid, so the onus will be on them... I won't hold my breath though.

I think we stil have notion of sweet little old ladies knitting quietly in the corner and bouncing toddler on knee. That is not what most bed blockers look like. Many are severely demented, violent, unable to recognise their family, doubly incontinent, loud insomniacs who need round the clock care. It is not that many relatives don't care (although there are a few) but that a young family in a terraced house they are bursting out of cannot take in an elderly aunt who lives 150 miles away.

We have a patient who is medically fit but has late stage dementia. They have been in hospital since late September and no care home will take them so far. Patient needs constant supervision, nwih would family be able to cope with that. I think at this point the patient will sadly die in hospital :(

Social care is the problem. Not family. All of the 'bed blockers' I have ever met have been failed by the lack of social care, not family.

DPs uncle built a granny annexe for his parents. Spent their own money and time on it, asked his parents what they wanted and what would be helpful, checked every step of the way with them that they were happy with the idea. His parents currently have a two storey home that they have to sleep downstairs in because they can't walk up the stairs, they can't drive anywhere as his dad is confused and his mum has hip problems.

When the annexe was all ready to be moved in to, their parents said "no thanks - we'll stay in our house".

but poisoned - the money for that would have to come from the taxpayer. why should taxes be increased to pay for the carehomes of elderly people who may have much more money/property than younger people?

I think we stil have notion of sweet little old ladies knitting quietly in the corner and bouncing toddler on knee. That is not what most bed blockers look like. Many are severely demented, violent, unable to recognise their family, doubly incontinent, loud insomniacs who need round the clock care.

This exactly!

I want my DM to move into suitable housing close to me instead of a big cold house falling to pieces around her 100 miles away with few neighbours to help as she "doesn't like people knowing (her) business". If she was just up the road I could call in on her several times a day, the DCs could call in her & keep her company, we could do jobs for her. But she won't do this and she's likely to fall down the stairs one day. Really frustrating and really sad.

Aunt has had to give up her whole life for my grandmother who refused to go into a home and has dementia and is in a wheelchair. She can afford a carer once a day which enables her to have a shower and eat something. Without that money she wouldn't be able to cope.

I live 3 hours from my nearest parents. I have a job and a DS. I wouldn't be able to care for them right now if they needed it.

I would never be willing to take on full time care as my aunt has and I would be horrified if DS ever feels he has to do that for me. I want him to have a life, I haven't had a child so that he can wipe my bum.

I agree there may be some discrepancy here about what constitutes bed-blocking. In my experience it is rarely caused because the individual can't cut their own hedges, or needs someone to pop to the shops for them every now and then, etc. It's much more commonly severely poor mobility meaning the person can't toilet themselves, get dressed etc; health conditions / drug regimes that are going to require long term regular nursing input (e.g, hoists, complex insulin monitoring) that can't be managed at home; or chronic confusion in the context of dementia or similar meaning the person isn't safe to be left alone for any length of time.

I might just stay now OP, to see what other gems of advice like tea and hedge trimming you're going to cite as ways to ease the NHS crisis.

Now that women are 'encouraged' (read: forced) to work, suddenly the economic value of their unpaid caring work becomes obvious!

Yes, there's much less availability for caring work, whether that's for children or the disabled or elderly or sick.

Rather than berating people who clearly don't have the capacity (try caring for anyone on top of doing a full-time job!) we need to better recognise the enormous contribution that people who care for others make to society by campaigning for truly flexible work at all levels - not just low-level jobs - and better supporting those who take time out of paid work to do this unpaid but incredibly important work of caring for others.

Rant over...

Eddie I'm sorry, that must be super frustrating for you. You've kind of just highlighted what someone was telling me upthread about some families wanting to provide the some care, and actually having the network to provide some care and to share it out, but the elderly person just not wanting to move from their own home.

Just caught up with some posts. Yes to the fact that a lot of the older population now have dementia etc and are therefore very hard to care for. My grandma is doubly incontinent, can't hold a conversation and gets very angry and upset as evening draws in. For my aunt it's like having an oversized toddler but one who is regressing rather than progressing.

As someone with an actual toddler the only thing that makes it manageable is the fact that they are small enough for me to fairly easily be able to do changing etc and I know that every day brings them a step closer to independence. I can't imagine what it's like coping with the opposite.

Summit I read it.
This is your question

AIBU to think that actually a lot of this situation is being caused by families taking no, or very little responsibility, in caring for their elderly relatives?

A lot of this situation is caused by people who won't take responsibility?

No it isn't. As I have pointed out in my response.

The three elderly people you are referring to aren't even in hospital.

You won't see me popping in to trim my mum's hedges or make her a cup of tea because 15 years ago she decided to move a 10-12 hour round trip away to a house with two bedrooms in the middle of nowhere.

If she ever needs substantial care there will be nothing I can do about it. Not down to me rejecting traditional notions of family and responsibility but because she did.

I think we stil have notion of sweet little old ladies knitting quietly in the corner and bouncing toddler on knee. That is not what most bed blockers look like. Many are severely demented, violent, unable to recognise their family, doubly incontinent, loud insomniacs who need round the clock care. It is not that many relatives don't care (although there are a few) but that a young family in a terraced house they are bursting out of cannot take in an elderly aunt who lives 150 miles away.

Too true.

NotmyPenguin If you'd read the thread you'd see that "try caring for someone whilst having a full-time job" is something I already do.

Not sure what "high level job" actually means, but I totally agree that flexibility is key. My employer has emergency "family" care as part of our package which is awesome, and clearly shows they are very forward thinking. Maybe that's because they are aware of what someone termed the sandwich generation up thread.

TheFirst - Actually yes. One of them is in hospital, hence, why I started this thread. And hence why I started thinking about it whether there had been a shift in how we care for the elderly.

I might just stay now OP, to see what other gems of advice like tea and hedge trimming you're going to cite as ways to ease the NHS crisis

I might just e-mail it to our Chief Exec.

Have you accepted that you might be wrong at all OP or are you still convinced that tea and hedge-cutting are the issue.