Bed blocking in hospitals

[SummitLove]

AIBU to think that actually a lot of this situation is being caused by families taking no, or very little responsibility, in caring for their elderly relatives?

Are we, as a society, now in a situation where many of us our so entitled we just expect social services or the health services to provide everything? Seems to have been a huge shift from families being involved in care to families expecting others to provide care for elderly relatives.

Mooching over this thought today and would love to hear responses from both sides.

Have three elderly people near us (one couple and one single) that we help out as their families appear to have washed their hands of them. They rarely visit, don't organise simple things like online shopping, or come and help with trimming the hedges in the summer. Honestly, it's been so cold these past few days that I would have expected someone to have called or check in on them.

SummitLove Its great if you can afford to care for your elderly relatives. I cant.
Plus I'm disabled myself.

For many people would have to somehow pay bedroom tax on the empty room they will need at some point in the future.
People have to go to work.
And there is no home help, meals on wheels or any other help available.

If you voted for cuts in social housing, care and benefits then you created this situation. Now deal with it.

Aunt has had to give up her whole life for my grandmother who refused to go into a home and has dementia and is in a wheelchair.

Sometimes there's a degree of selfishness.

Why would a mother want her daughter to give up her whole life to care for her?
You are supposed to want better for your children.

summit - can I ask what sort of job you do? And what constitutes 'emergency family care'? how long does it last?

notmypenguin has an interesting suggestion. Career breaks could be made law, in much the same way maternity breaks are. This would not solve all the problems as some people may not be able to afford this, but it could help some.

Women have always worked,in particular wc women.not working is a recent social construct
Women aren't forced to work,they make economic choices.pragmatic approach
One male wage often isn't enough for housing,food,day to day costs
IMO women working is a good thing,good role model,its positive
Caring responsibilities shouldn't automatically fall to women,nor should hospitals assume it

We had this situation this summer. My 94-year-old grandad was taken into hospital as he had ulcers on his legs which wouldn't heal.
my mum had given up her job six years ago to care for him and has been getting by on a bit of consultancy work in between her caring responsibilities. Despite her best efforts he was going downhill and the ulcers meant that he couldn't walk or even really move himself around. Added to that he had advanced vascular dementia, which meant that he kept pulling out drips and tearing off his dressings.
My mum has arthritis and I was was six months pregnant, meaning neither of us could lift him.
He needed a place somewhere with lifting equipment or staff and who could lift him for washing/toile ring/dressing but the care package couldn't be put into place due to cuts.
As it was we took him home, but a week later he was rushed back into hospital. It became clear he was dying but the hospices were all full, so he again blocked a bed for two weeks until he died.
He was 94, had worked and paid tax from being 14 to 70 and served in the Second World War. Until he was 90 he'd never needed hospital treatment and had rarely been to see his GP.
We feel that services failed him when hex was in need, due to cuts to adult social care.

Rafals You are really coming across as quite a nasty person.

Baggy No, I wouldn't vote for anything like that at all. Not entirely sure why you would think that when I actively get out and try and help elderly peoople regularly.

Formerly the point you made does make sense. DMil hated the thought of going into a home. Hated hospitals because she thought, she would not come out. She had the choice of having her children look after her. Lots of people checked in on.
For people who don't have choices she had, would it be so wrong to take up the offer that would help make life for everyone easier?
I do wonder why not even one person took up the offer of the rooms. It's designed like a hotel with people to help with medication, washing, making sure you are looked after and cared for. Not one person took the offer. It might have changed now after it was showed on news.

Career breaks to care for elderly parents would also be seen in the same way as maternity breaks by a certain type of employer: As another reason not to employ women. Given that it is generally women who are expected to care for everyone, all I can see is that it would make it more difficult for women to gain well paid employment and would increase the already large gender pay gap.

My DM is currently a "bed blocker".

She is in her late 80s and has been in hospital since the end of last month when she was admitted with a chest infection. Prior to that she had a stroke which has left her housebound, and needing help with toileting, washing and simply getting from her bed to the chair where she spends her days. She has been deemed fit for discharge for at least a fortnight now, but she needs carers to visit 4x a day. If you ask the hospital they say they're waiting for SS to contact them to confirm a care package is in place. If you ask SS they say they're waiting to hear from the hospital for a definite date of discharge so they can organise the start of care. The communication is terrible; we do what we can, but it's like pulling teeth.

My DB lives nearby, alone, and is an absolute saint - he works FT, but goes to see her before and after work when she's at home, does all her shopping, etc. But she need two people working together to do a lot of the things she needs, and anyway, he can't give up his job - he has to live.

I live two hours away, and I have a husband and grown children who also need me. I feel caught between a rock and a hard place; I ring her often, and visit when I can, but it just wouldn't be possible for me to drop everything and become a carer, even if I had the balls to take it on, which I don't.

DM is aware of her situation, and we've had many conversations where she has told me she wishes she had died when she had her stroke because she's no use to anybody and is just using resources, care and a bed that would be better used for someone who was going to get better.

It's really not straightforward at all.

It's a fair question but I'm glad to see you are taking in and learning from the answers.

The word "care" is very unhelpful. I think better to talk about identifying needs and helping to meet hem.

Thank you everyone. Please could someone tell me a more appropriate term than bed blocking? A couple of people have mentioned this as something they feel strongly about, and now, I can see the negative connotations. Apologies for picking up a phrase from the media and hospital staff and using it without much thought.

AIBU to think that actually a lot of this situation is being caused by families taking no, or very little responsibility, in caring for their elderly relatives?

A lot of this situation is being caused by family carers not being able to cope because they got zero support until either they end up in hospital themselves (or dead), or, they're mentally broken and refuse to take it any more when their loved one has to go to hospital, and refuse to have them back without help - and by help they're not asking for a moon on a stick, sometimes its just someone else to cover part of the 24hour period so they can get some sleep !!!

There are also older people who have relatives who have tried to help for years but have been told to but out (or fuck off in a lot of cases)… and eventually, they did

There are (as cited already on this thread), retirees who make moves to impractical "dream homes" that are miles away from their relatives, have windy stairs and no downstairs loo.. okay this is our family member.. we supported their move because they wanted to enjoy their life, but tried to encourage them to buy slightly more practical properties where they could stay independant for as long as possible.. but no way! It had to be the spiral staircase "with character" (i.e. shit-tonnes of maintenance) and a weird shaped loo that you couldn't fit bathroom aids into.

'My employer has emergency "family" care as part of our package which is awesome, and clearly shows they are very forward thinking. Maybe that's because they are aware of what someone termed the sandwich generation up thread.'

That's nice. Is it fully paid? We wouldn't be able to take it if not as we sail that close to the wind with finances, it's just the way things are. Not that it's even in option with zero hours jobs, temp jobs, agency work, self-employment.

We are also keeping people alive far longer than is 'natural'. Advances in medicine are incredible for an awful lot of people but for my grandma they have just prolonged her suffering. Back when she had moments of clarity she said she would rather be dead but the doctors keep her going. Treatment can't be stopped because she isn't compus mentis enough to make that decision.

Please could someone tell me a more appropriate term than bed blocking? complex discharge?

Hospitals use 'delayed transfer of care' OP

Most of the comments on here really underestimate the work of the domiciliary care workforce. My care staff care for 100 older people and a lot of their work is quite specialist - this is not the sort of work a lay person can do. Although my career is in care I won't be caring for my own mother as she lives 85 miles away, I need to earn a living myself and now my children are grown up I'd like a few years to enjoy myself before I'm old myself. my mother didn't care for her mother and I certainly don't want my sons to care for me, the very thought of living in a granny annexe and impinging on their lives makes me shudder.

baggy - sounds very similar to my situation, at least initially. Hospital communication was also an issue with us. One minute they needed her out of the hospital as she was deemed well enough, so I was rushing round taking time off work to find a suitable care home. Then I made some off the cuff remark to a nurse when I visited her to be told, that actually she wasn't expected to go leave the next day, she'd be in for a few more weeks. No-one thought to tell me and update me on any changes.

MiL lives a long way from us and a long way from her other kids (although they are closer than us geographically and don't have children)

She mentioned recently that she was thinking of moving to a place that was less remote than where she is now, and is looking at moving into a seaside town (rather than living very rurally) where it's better for her and the house is smaller etc. However it's a further 2 hours in the bloody car on from us (we are already a full day in a car journey as it is) Totally thoughtless- It might make her life easier but why the hell she's picked somewhere even harder to get to is anyones guess. Utterly selfish, as per.

Dreaming I haven't really checked it out properly as it has just been introduced. I think they've aligned it with our emergency childcare (so up to three/four months paid off per year if medically certified), and, we have access to an organisation in an emergency, or I think, if we had to travel with work, to cover care. The only thing is I think you get the total block of time rather than set time for children and set time for elderly relatives, so actually, it may not be very useful to many people.

Literally it was announced at the start of the year so I have no idea how it will pan out, nor have I heard personal experience from anyone that has used it.

BUT, and this is something that this thread has made me think of - it may not be suited for everyone. The cases that people are mentioning involving relatives with dementia, I don't think it would be appropriate to them. Also, i am unsure if it covers the entire UK or just a certain radius from our place of work. These are things I will be checking with HR tomorrow thanks to this thread.

I don't think I am, but you are entitled to that opinion.

I challenged you on the parts of your OP I thought were wrong and I disagreed with and I don't think I made any personal attacks. I am interested in whether you have taken on board any of the comments on this thread and have changed your opinion about the causes of the issues at all.

Tinsel and Famalam

Thank you.

We are also keeping people alive far longer than is 'natural'

I agree. Very often the person has very little or no quality of life.

that's a whole other topic can of worms though.

Summit fair enough, one of the three elderly people you mention is in hospital.
That doesn't change anything else though does it?
You still have very limited experience and information.

Things have changed but for lots of reasons. People didn't live as long with serious conditions decades ago. They were sent home from hospital to die, not to live for another 20 years with debilitating conditions.
An elderly person would be someone in their 60s not someone in their 90s who had been ill for 30 years.

Families lived near to each other. In the case of my area, often next door or in the same street.
Women were at home, kids took themselves to and from school and services were localised. People were not expected to travel to a centralised 'hub' for treatment.

Ex I agree, caring requires a lot of knowledge that until you've done it people are ignorant of. Using hoists, getting people up, dressed fed, toileted is hard and complex, especially if dealing with intellectual impairment as well as physical issues.

RafaIs you nasty person you, how dare you state the obvious