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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To turn down an invite to soft play because of germs?

318 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 21:22

Ds (7) has been invited to a soft play party, I don't want him to go because I think basically they are a complete germ fest but he obviously goes to school so is soft play any worse than that?
But then how often is soft play ever cleaned? Never? Someone I know took their child and their child went in the ball pool and got covered in poo. Who knows what lurks in the ball pool?! I'd hoped by 7 ds wouldn't ever have to go to soft play again. It's been about 2 years since we've been but my germ phobia didn't exist then so it didn't bother me.

Aibu to say no based on the fact I don't want us all to catch norovirus?

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/01/2017 12:15

Small children who can also help your dd and her social interaction though.

You know you need to make changes for their sake as well as your own - ideally that needs to start with a visit to the Gp or your HV but small things like inviting a friend round for coffee are steps in the right direction.

GimmeeMoore · 27/01/2017 12:17

You're not mentioning a partner?is there another parent around?or solely you
If there is another parent do they adhere to your habits and routines

elektrawoman · 27/01/2017 12:20

OP I am not sure if you want help with your OCD or not? It sounds like there are quite a lot of issues here and you need more help than we are able to give. You sound very anxious and isolated. Are you willing to go back to your GP or health visitor? You have still avoided my question about what your HV said at your DCs 12 month check....I am quite worried about you tbh.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 12:21

I saw HV at nine month check and told her about the anxiety and she just said ahhhhhhhhh yes ahhhhhh and that was it.

OP posts:
GimmeeMoore · 27/01/2017 12:25

Ok,talk to GP have a candid discussion.if it's hard to talk about write it down
There are many ways to potentially treat your anxieties- GP can discuss
Is there anyone that can support you?

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 12:28

No im on my own.

OP posts:
EustaceClarenceScrubb · 27/01/2017 12:31

What happened to the DH earning 90k you mentioned in your last thread? That was only a few weeks ago, have you split up or something? This is making no sense now!

VilootShesCute · 27/01/2017 12:33

Op you are basically me. I could have written this. I have started taking medication for my anxiety and I make sure dd doesn't miss out by letting other people take her everywhere. You're not being ott despite what others have posted, you have a phobia, it's horrible to have but you can't help it. I waited 9 months for a cbt appointment and was told I needed to sort other issues first so am now waiting again after they recommended another therapy but it's worth hanging on in to be seen. We can't all be perfect can we. I suggest you stop the antibac stuff completely as it is the cause of many of the germs becoming too powerful to control, and THAT is scarier than what we have in our minds. Soap and water works better, it's proven. It makes me feel better just having a packet in case of dire situations but I rarely use now. See your gp again maybe about your anxiety regarding this, it can overrule your life and make living bloody hard work. Good luck.

Iamastonished · 27/01/2017 12:33

So you and your children are prisoners in your own home due to your irrational anxieties, apart from when your son is at school?

If you went back to your GP and told him/her the full story I'm sure you won't be brushed off. Please do this for the sake of your children. It isn't healthy.

Do you have a partner who can support you?

Awwlookatmybabyspider · 27/01/2017 12:33

Is it not bad mannered to bring up other threads.
What happens in Vegas and all that

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 12:34

I don't count him.
In every way that matters im on my own.

OP posts:
Iamastonished · 27/01/2017 12:39

"I don't count him."

That's very telling. Why not?

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 12:50

He's only here two weeks out of every month and we don't see him much even when he is here. He doesn't do anything with me or the children. He shows no interest in anything to do with them.

OP posts:
HopefullyAnonymous · 27/01/2017 12:51

It's the DCs I feel sorry for. They will miss out on so much.

Haudyerwheesht · 27/01/2017 12:52

Well OP you've been told yabu and actually you seem determined to protect yourself not your kids. A virus will do them if Infintely less harm than a germophobic mother limiting their life experiences and passing her anxieties on will.

You need to try and think about whether protecting yourself is better than protecting your children.

coffeetasteslikeshit · 27/01/2017 13:03

What I don't understand here is how you can admit that you have a problem and yet do nothing about it? I know you're waiting for a CPT referral but why don't you start working on some CBT yourself while you're waiting.

Start by reading the article posted earlier and actually believing it. If you don't believe it then google around it to get more info. Then start decreasing the use of antibac, which is a terrible thing imo. Take some positive action yourself. At the moment your comments sound like you want to have a phobia.

Haudyerwheesht · 27/01/2017 13:06

Has your DP recently changed jobs? A month ago he was working from home?

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 13:09

No he works from home the two weeks he is here. But he basically just stays in his office and we can't make any noise and then he comes down for dinner and then goes and watches tv.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 13:10

Because whilst part of me knows it's not a normal response the other part of me is still too worried about germs to do anything.

OP posts:
MiladyThesaurus · 27/01/2017 13:13

OP have you considered that your children maybe, occasionally getting a D&V bug really isn't all that bad an outcome?

When you do a risk assessment you need to consider both how likely something is and how serious it would be if it happened.

Even if it were extremely likely that talking your toddler to the library would result in a D&V bug (it isn't extremely likely, btw), then you have to realise that it isn't actually a serious outcome. Yes it's unpleasant and they'll feel bad for a day or two but that isn't a serious outcome. In fact, given that you can't go out now because you're scared of it, needing to stay at home to recover would have little actual effect on your life.

Please do get some online CBT (your GP can refer you for that immediately even if there's a wait to see a counsellor in person) because that will help you to start thinking more clearly and get your life back.

elektrawoman · 27/01/2017 13:14

awlookatmybabyspider - because I think in this case there is a lot of other stuff going on that the OP hasn't mentioned which is contributing to her phobia. I don't think anyone just saying to her YABU is going to make a difference.

glitterazi · 27/01/2017 13:16

glitterazi I don't think the OP is being soppy or daft, I think she's ill.

Yes, saw that after posting, so I apologise for saying you're soppy or daft as it genuinely does look like illness.
I know how crap overworrying things can be.
I say this kindly OP, but if it's starting to impact on your children, which it is as you're starting not to let them out for fear of catching germs, or stopping them from using the toilet if they're out, then you really do need to do something about it.

VacantExpression · 27/01/2017 13:21

Please go back to the GP OP, you need some help to work through your issues before they effect your children more than they already are. I think you already know this though

GimmeeMoore · 27/01/2017 13:31

Your partner can be pay for private psychology?he's not there day to day
Can he contribute financially,you'll be seen quicker if you go private

Iamastonished · 27/01/2017 13:33

Please stop burying your head in the sand and accept that you really do need help. Why won't you go to the GP?

I'm sorry your DP is so uninvolved. Is he not even aware that there are some issues?