To turn down an invite to soft play because of germs?

[Skatingonthinice16]

Ds (7) has been invited to a soft play party, I don't want him to go because I think basically they are a complete germ fest but he obviously goes to school so is soft play any worse than that?
But then how often is soft play ever cleaned? Never? Someone I know took their child and their child went in the ball pool and got covered in poo. Who knows what lurks in the ball pool?! I'd hoped by 7 ds wouldn't ever have to go to soft play again. It's been about 2 years since we've been but my germ phobia didn't exist then so it didn't bother me.

Aibu to say no based on the fact I don't want us all to catch norovirus?

Skating If you don't go to the GP what do you think will happen? What does your husband say?

I think this thread should go into Mental Health rather than AIBU. Maybe it might get some advice from people who have experienced something similar. I feel your problems have got to the point where you really need a professional OP.

I am also really shocked your husband hasn't noticed anything. You can't even go to the library or a public toilet yet he wants to book a holiday abroad? If I had hardly left the house with my baby, my DH would definitely have noticed, and if my mental health had got to this point he would be getting me some help! Why is he not doing anything?
Skating I am trying to help you, but I feel out of my depth here, you really need to see a doctor and quick.

I agree elektra. This thread makes me so sad that the OP and her children are missing out on so much. Eventually the school might pick up on it and ask for help from outside agencies.

It's fairly inevitable that you will feel like nothing can help, because thinking that is how your brain justifies to itself that it's ok for you not to see a doctor.

It's incredibly hard to go and see a doctor for something like this, because in a lot of people they normalise what they're thinking, and then you believe that what you think is a good thing. It can seem like not feeling so scared would mean you cared less about your loved ones, and caring is so important to all of us, that I totally understand why it would feel like changing that could be a bad thing. The key part of going to see a doctor is that they will help you get better in the ways you want to get better - worrying less doesn't mean caring less, but that is often only something you can see once the situation has changed.

I've seen the difficulty that illness like this can cause, and I would urge you to remember that every single person deserves a chance to get better - even you, even if you feel you don't. You clearly love your children immensely, and even if you don't believe that you deserve to get better (though we all believe you do) and even if you don't believe that it matters very much if they go out, or meet up with friends, remember that it will matter to them if you are unhappy and afraid, and they (and you) deserve to see you not unhappy and less fearful. Going to see a doctor (or getting a telephone appointment to start with) can be a great way to start this process. Various charities also have phone lines where there is someone to listen to you.

Wishing you all the best - though things may feel insurmountable and though you may feel that the disasters are never ending, things do change and you can get better. I've seen it myself, and I believe that you can you do it - you care so much, and you can use this care to give you the strength to start the process.

I remember being ill. Twice. I'm sure I was ill a lot more than that but illnesses just weren't a big enough of a deal to remember.
The first of the two that I remember was because I got a big treat of a bottle of Lucozade in the lovely orange cellophane that we weren't normally allowed to have as it was so expensive. the second because I remember scratching my spots on Christmas day and missing the main unwrapping frenzy because i slept later than my siblings. No trauma from actually being ill - just what i was missing out on. Your DC will have a lot of childhood memories of missing out on stuff. Pamper them when they are ill (Lucozade for me) and let them have fond memories of being pampered.

You have post natal depression. You MUST see the doctor. You say they are precious but you won't get help for them by accessing help for yourself, instead you are actively damaging them. That is actual cruelty. But you can't see that because you are ILL. It's not your fault. Instead you think they might be better off without you. They won't. They need a healthy mother. Please don't think the trauma of growing up without you in their lives is better for them. That will screw them up even more. There is one simple answer. Go to the GP. Take this thread and show the GP. Be brave and just do it even though the prospect is very scary. Do it for your children. Don't let them down.
Why stick with half a life for you all, when there is a better life waiting if you just reach out for help. Then you can tackle the DH problem if you need to. Baby steps first though. See the GP - preferably one you haven't seen before. Change surgeries if you think that will help.

I can just imagine taking them somewhere and them really enjoying it and then the next day being really ill. Is it worth it?

I took DD out for a lovely day yesterday. She had so much fun and she didn't want to come home. Then this morning she started throwing up. And when I fretted about this (blaming myself for not being vigilant enough) she said she had a lovely day and wanted to go back. I've taken her to lots of similar places before and she never got sick; it was just bad luck this time.

I was brought up by a mum who worried like the OP, probably as a result of untreated PND. She still lives by her fixations, in her 80s, and we had very warped childhoods. Please get help OP. It's the best thing you can do for you AND your children. You know in your heart of hearts this really isn't right, and you'll restrict your children more and more as they get older, suffering more and more anxiety.

Do you not think your child's "sensory issues" may be caused by your ridiculous fears? Poor kid, get help for yourself, before you pass it onto your children.

Humans have survived millions of years with much worse germs.

And quite frankly stating a soft play is worse then a war zone is a disgusting insult to people who are currently going through that actual hell.

No tired I don't. I was 'normal' until a year ago and he's always had these sensory issues, right from birth. So I maybe a shit and terrible mother now but I wasn't always.

I know it isn't a war zone obviously, I'm sorry I used the wrong comparison. What I meant was it feels dangerous and makes me feel frightened, as though my children are in terrible danger.

Your obviously not a terrible mother, far from it x

You clearly care a lot for you kiddies, you just need to sort yourself out Hun, try and figure out what changed to make you this way.

You didn't always feel this way, so you can un-learn it x don't let this beat you.

Also I never meant to sound rude, sorry if I offended you, hope you get the help you need & get back to being happy x

So do you know what triggered it a year ago. Knowing the starting point is often the start to overcoming it.

Yes I had dc2.
It was a difficult pregnancy and even worse birth and she was poorly.

But that cant be just it. People have difficult pregnancies and horrific births and poorly children there must have been a moment in that you are reliving and feel trapped in to do with sickness that means you cant bear the thought of it again.

Was she sick/aspirate and look scared and is that what you cant let go off. I dont mean to pry but honestly the starting point for any of this is knowing the trigger point

You are not a terrible mother. You are a mother whose life is ruled by her anxiety.
It feels terrifying and like your kids are in terrible danger? But they aren't. That's your anxiety speaking. You NEED help. Please see your GP. Be honest about how your anxiety is affecting your life.

I haven't rftf but I think I understand now what's going on with you. ..if you've only had this phobia for a year, can you see your way towards a place where you don't have it? It does sound like it's ruling all your lives.
My ds is the same age and also possibly has ASD. A party invite is a rare and precious thing and your ds should accept it.

OP, I'm going to give you the Anxiety UK phone number again: 08444 775 774 Mon-Fri 9:30am - 5.30pm Text Service: 07537 416 905

Maybe you will find them easier to talk to than your GP.

Please reach out for some help. You can get this under control and make a better life for you and your kids. You sound like a really kind mum. You deserve a better life!

OP please please get help. Anti-anxiety medication can work wonders and make CBT work better.

My mum was severely anxious - it affected her life, and ours, and has rubbed off on to me and my sister, She ended up being hospitalised as it became so bad. Please please go and see the GP again. Tell your husband how you feel. Please don't let this carry on. You can get better - mental illnesses can get better just like physical ones. Please go back again. In fact print out this thread and give it to the doctor to read if you cant say it yourself. xxx