To turn down an invite to soft play because of germs?

[Skatingonthinice16]

Ds (7) has been invited to a soft play party, I don't want him to go because I think basically they are a complete germ fest but he obviously goes to school so is soft play any worse than that?
But then how often is soft play ever cleaned? Never? Someone I know took their child and their child went in the ball pool and got covered in poo. Who knows what lurks in the ball pool?! I'd hoped by 7 ds wouldn't ever have to go to soft play again. It's been about 2 years since we've been but my germ phobia didn't exist then so it didn't bother me.

Aibu to say no based on the fact I don't want us all to catch norovirus?

There's no guarantee they will get ill from soft play though. There's more risk of illness from school.

Yes. Even if they get ill it is worth not keeping them at home all the time. Babies vomit. Some a lot. My dd rarely kept a feed down. She had her first sickness bug around the age of your youngest. I managed to grab the baby bath as that was all was to hand. She chucked up in it a few times then fell asleep. She was a bit hot and off her food for a day or 2. I eased her back in starting with sips of water and bland food. It really wasn't the end of the world. She wasn't frightened or overly bothered. Instead of your question ask yourself whether its worth not leaving the house and giving your kids a variety of experiences just in case they get ill occasionally (which they will anyway)?

OP why are you still trying to justify your decisions when nearly everyone on here has said it is irrational and harmful?

When my small DCs have been ill I have calmed and reassured and comforted them, as is your job as a parent, then a day or two later it's all over and they forget about it.

I am certain if I gave my DCs the choice: never go to fun places and never get sick; go to fun places and occasionally get sick - I know what their answer would be! The second every time. Of course it's worth it.

But I fear I am banging my head against a brick wall here.

Would you have liked to have stayed at home throughout your childhood and not played with friends, gone to parties etc in case you got ill?

I can just imagine taking them somewhere and them really enjoying it and then the next day being really ill. Is it worth it?

Of course it is. All kids get sick at some point, even if they don't understand, they'll figure it out. Throwing up for a few hours isn't going to scar them for life.

I can't swim. My mom wouldn't let us learn, because she was scared of water. Now I want to learn, because I'm terrified of water. My kids can swim because I didn't want to pass my irrational fear onto them. I wish my mom had let me learn to swim as a kid like everyone else.

Hi op.
I have a phobia very much like your own. It really is terrifying and debilitating and unless you have it, you don't really understand it.

I definitely think it be worth chatting to your GP about how you are feeling.

For me personally, I told my GP this week about my own fears.

I haven't said anything about it to anyone until now and I have had my fears since I was a child.

What made me do it was for my children; I don't want them to miss out on things or unable to do things because of my fears. That isn't fair.

I have to say that it's scary and you need to be brave, but once you have spoken to someone about it, you feel such a sense of relief.

For me personally, I have a long way to go.

I know that I need help.

For you op, I think that you should you see a gp and reach out too.

to you.

No Down, they are very very very precious. Hence why I can't stand the thought of them being ill and scared

But you can stand the thought of them being deprived of friends, normal children's activities, educational experiences and indeed a normal childhood?

And bear in mind that, if and when they do catch these illnesses, they will be more ill than they need to be because they haven't been allowed to build up immunity by frequent exposure. Can you stand the thought of that?

Small children do manage to cope with short term illnesses, you know, and even longer term ones. 7 year olds are definitely old enough to understand what is happening.

OP, there is a charity called Anxiety UK who will be able to help you. Please call them. This is their number:
08444 775 774

www.anxietyuk.org.uk/our-services/anxiety-information/anxiety-disorders/emetophobia/

I advised you go to your GP, also that I really empathise with how you feel. The anti bac gel honestly has no impact on D&V bugs. Warm soapy water is the only method. Please listen to us.
You need to at least call your GP and tell them how bad things have got. If one tablet didn't work, there's others out there.
They could chase the referral, they could do so much to help. You need to have belief in yourself, you need belief that whilst unpleasant a bug will soon pass.
Your DH has the means to get you help ASAP. Your DH whilst he makes you miserable, wouldn't he feel better if the children went out. Can you ask him for help? A private psychiatrist, a private counsellor, anything that can help.
Yes there's people on here not being helpful, but there's people who genuinely care.
We're not trying to suggest things for any other reason than we know you can do this. I believe in you so much.
If you can't do it for yourself, then please for your DC.

Phobias respond well to cbt. There's plenty you can do online. Try the getselfhelp website as a start.

Are your dc immunosupressed? If not, they'll be fine. If they are you need a medical plan of action to get them out and about, unless you're planning to invest in some plastic bubbles.

You need to get help from family, friends, organisations, medication, anything to break this cycle. It will feed itself and get worse if you let it, it already is by the sounds of it.

The NHS are already so stretched though aren't they? They don't have the resources and nor should the little resource they've got have to go to someone who isn't really ill. I don't feel like I can access the service, I feel like a fraud doing so.
I'd go privately I guess. Dh has private healthcare through his company but won't pay the excess.
I have had CBT which my parents paid for but she said she couldn't help me as I was too tired.

You are really ill.

You have to accept that you need help and you aren't doing that. There is some fantastic support on this thread; think about what posters are suggesting.
To go to a gp isn't just for physical health- it is for mental health too.
The person you saw for CBT sounded shit tbh- couldn't see you as you was too tired? What a load of crap.
Go back to your gp and ask for a referral to someone else.

You certainly are ill.

I don't want to scaremonger, but if you don't get a grip on this you will end up restricting your children's lives more and more, to the point when serious concerns may be raised about your competence to look after them.

She said lack of sleep was used as torture for a reason and my brain wasn't getting any chance to recover so was getting stuck in these thought loops and couldn't break out.

My GP doesn't seem great for mental health. To be honest they've merged surgeries and even getting an appointment now is a task and a half. I feel the few spaces they have should go to someone who is actually ill with a proper illness.

So someone with a chest infection is more important than the wellbeing of your children?
Look op - no-one on here can make you do anything. But don't kid yourself that your behaviour is for the benefit of your kids. It is because facing your anxiety is too difficult. You are putting yourself first and it's wrong.

Yet again, Skating, you are ill with a proper illness - and, moreover, one that is harming your children. Please just make that appointment and keep it, and make sure that you tell your GP everything.

When your children look back, what do you think they'll remember? The odd bout of D&V? Or the isolation, loneliness and resentment that they were so limited in order to prevent a potential illness?

Your DH is failing them and you're making 1001 excuses why you shouldn't make any effort to get better. It's hard, bloody hard, but you owe to them and yourself as well.

I can just imagine taking them somewhere and them really enjoying it and then the next day being really ill. Is it worth it?

YES! A thousand times yes! Please give your children as normal a childhood as possible. You are being cruel depriving them of normal experiences.

I don't think yabu at all. I've never taken my kids to soft play as they're disgusting, germ ridden places. I take my kids to a local indoor climbing works (much, much cleaner and not as busy as soft play). Kids won't miss put just because they don't go to soft play, ridiculous statement.

Fireandflames, you need to read the thread. People aren't concerned about the children missing soft play, but because OP admits that she rarely takes them out at all due to her germ phobia.

What CheshireCat says 1000 times.

Your illness is making them miss out on so many things that make life exciting for them. Their father isn't interested in them. They will grow up resenting you both, possibly even hating you because they will be lonely and friendless.

If your phobia gets worse because you refuse to get help this may impact their behaviour at school, then the teachers may become concerned enough to get outside agencies involved.

Is your husband totally oblivious to your problems? Does he ever talk to you at all? Do you have any friends or family you can confide in?

Truthfully the first time DS had a bad vomiting bug he was scared but I reassured him and 6 hours later he was fine and eating popcorn. Now at 4 he recognises when he is going to be sick and sees it as as an inconvenient illness which is what it is

I don't see it as an inconvenient illness. I see it as something to be avoided at all costs.

Maybe it would be better if someone else did have my children. At least they could have abnormal life.

a normal