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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To turn down an invite to soft play because of germs?

318 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 26/01/2017 21:22

Ds (7) has been invited to a soft play party, I don't want him to go because I think basically they are a complete germ fest but he obviously goes to school so is soft play any worse than that?
But then how often is soft play ever cleaned? Never? Someone I know took their child and their child went in the ball pool and got covered in poo. Who knows what lurks in the ball pool?! I'd hoped by 7 ds wouldn't ever have to go to soft play again. It's been about 2 years since we've been but my germ phobia didn't exist then so it didn't bother me.

Aibu to say no based on the fact I don't want us all to catch norovirus?

OP posts:
elektrawoman · 27/01/2017 10:17

You say 'at least they aren't ill' but you yourself are ill OP and you need help.

MsHooliesCardigan · 27/01/2017 10:18

OP what is so terrible about a child having a cold?

Cakingbad · 27/01/2017 10:19

Your child is at risk from drowning if they don't learn to swim.

That is a much greater risk than the risk from the occasional illness which they need to catch to build their immunity

Please go back to your GP and tell them you need help urgently because you can't take your toddler anywhere.

GimmeeMoore · 27/01/2017 10:20

Children are robust,they have Marvellous ability to recover quickly and minimum fuss
Please do talk to your GP,as avoidance of library,playgroup is limiting their and your social interaction
Children and babies immunity builds over time,but there is no reason to avoid social situations

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 10:21

Nothing too worrying about a cold. Just inconvenient.
It's mainly d and v bugs that worry me and they are just so contagious. I have definitely been worse over the winter as they are much more prevalent this time of year.

I guess I know it isn't reasonable - or isn't the norm - but I still feel like it's better than them being ill.

OP posts:
RhodaBull · 27/01/2017 10:22

Virtual glove punch, Skatingonthinice16.

I used to take ds to soft play (a nice new one!) until a poo was spotted on the slide, then I never darkened the door of a soft play place again.

Never went in playgrounds. In fact, when ds was little he thought playgrounds were called "chickenpox" Blush as I'd said, "No, chickenpox," about the local one (dd was baby, so didn't want her catching it when tiny).

Don't like crowded shops/cinema and I freak out if someone is coughing or sneezing near me... and if someone says they've been sick - AARRGH! I am very much a seat hoverer if I have to go in a public loo, and make sure I use tissue/my sleeve etc to touch/bolt the door.

Going to school gave dcs a healthy (?) dose of ailments, but all the same I wouldn't look for germs, and I do think some places are truly disgusting.

PeggyMitchell123 · 27/01/2017 10:24

You need proper help, your ds2 is going to find it really hard at nursery when he does go. Not only has he not had any outside interaction but he also will have no immune system. You are limiting your children a huge amount. I would be booking a gp appointment and insisting you need help asap. It's not normal to keep your baby indoors 24/7 out of fear of germs.

geekyboo · 27/01/2017 10:25

So what if your kids get sick ? As a normal healthy child, they'll get over it quick and be better if for it .

TaliDiNozzo · 27/01/2017 10:27

OP, are you in a position to pay for private treatment for your anxiety? I say this as someone who has suffered with OCD and it can be utterly crippling. If I thought my issues were affecting my DCs the way yours are, I would be devastated. Without judgement, you need some serious help before this gets any worse.

Your DCs are missing out on normal and valuable childhood experiences because of your anxiety and while I have sympathy (because I know anxiety is debilitating) this is really not fair.

elektrawoman · 27/01/2017 10:30

OP can I ask again, did you discuss this with the nurse/health visitor at your DCs 12 month check up? As from what I remember, I was asked about what social interactions/playgroups the DCs went to.

GimmeeMoore · 27/01/2017 10:33

Actually, most adults & children who get norovirus will make full speedy recovery
But this isn't actually about getting ill it's your perception and behaviour regard illness
I'd recommend you see GP regard your behaviour/beliefs about illness. There are many treatment options

glitterazi · 27/01/2017 10:38

OK, is MN on the wind up this morning or are we seriously being invaded by over neurotic, soppy, daftiness?! Grin
What with just being on the "it's too cold for children to go out and play PE" thread to coming straight to this, it's making me think what the hell chance have kids got nowadays when parents won't let them play out as it's too cold, or go out to play as "germs - they be out there!"

2014newme · 27/01/2017 10:42

Yanbu
There will be other parties. Health and safety founds balls covered in rat pee in one near us. It was shut down as a consequence. Don't think most are that bad but they are not really clean

GimmeeMoore · 27/01/2017 10:45

Verminous is different from dirty.big difference.so most soft play is ok. Exposure to dirt is ok

Sirzy · 27/01/2017 10:48

Can people please read the thread before posting about things like rats urine, I am not sure given the further information that the OP has given that is really a helpful response!

CoconutAmericano · 27/01/2017 10:57

You owe it to your children to go back to your doctor and get professional help for this. Your phobia is getting worse by the sounds of it, do you really want to get even sicker.?because ironically you are sick.

MsHooliesCardigan · 27/01/2017 11:00

glitterazi I don't think the OP is being soppy or daft, I think she's ill.

dylsmimi · 27/01/2017 11:08

Op I agree with everyone - you do need to see your gp again and say things aren't working and you need further help. If that is too hard can you contact your health visitor and ask her to come to see you and tell her - I appreciate Drs surgeries may not be where you want to go
Children being ill is never fun but they bounce back incredibly quickly. Ds1 and I both had a vomiting bug - the next morning I still had stomach pain and felt weak and he was asking for cake for breakfast! He was in nursery at the age of your little one and had all kinds of bugs but bounced back quickly and a day snuggled on the sofa with mummy and cbeebies did him no harm
Please get help

Quartz2208 · 27/01/2017 11:36

Is it just d&v bugs, if so whilst unpleasant they are fine afterwards and I speak from having one that was awful (I threw up every 15 minutes for 12 hours) felt sick for 2 days and then I was fine.

Its a small price to pay for being able to live out and about. Yes sometimes accidents might happen at soft play (its children) and they do need to clean it up

You need to speak to your GP and get help

EustaceClarenceScrubb · 27/01/2017 12:00

I just can't face them being ill. I know they are missing out on things. I can't see us being able to go on holiday again for instance. But at least they aren't ill.

That is totally OTT. People get ill all the time, you can't live your live trying to avoid it. Also, just because germs are out there, it does not mean you will catch something from them. You not going to the library because germs are on books- WTF? That is why we have an immune system. How do you think the rest of the world manages? We all get ill from time to time OP, that really is the norm. Your obsession with germs isn't. Please go back to your GP. I feel so sorry for your baby cooped up inside all day.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 12:06

It is mainly d and v bugs, yes.

I so often plan things but then we don't do them because when it comes to it id rather stay at home than have the children be ill. I kind of have to risk assess stuff in my head before agreeing to anything. Generally most things are too risky now. I don't like taking them out to eat either. If we have to then I take some spray and clean the tables and chairs and particularly the high chair before we use them. I'm kind of on the verge of taking our own cutlery too.

OP posts:
Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 12:08

I know that ds didn't catch anything from the library or soft play when we used to go. Or public toilets when we still used them. Or eating out. But maybe we were just lucky.
I do think he caught a vomiting bug from swimming once when he was about 18 months. He's only ever had two or three vomiting bugs but that was the only one where he wasn't better after about twelve hours.

OP posts:
EustaceClarenceScrubb · 27/01/2017 12:10

Ahh, I've just seen you are the same poster who had a thread a few weeks ago about a financially abusive husband who earns loads but you can't afford to buy new clothes for yourself. I think your problems run deeper than your germ phobia TBH. I am not surprised you are struggling, please go back to your GP, you really do need help with all your issues.

Sirzy · 27/01/2017 12:13

Do you go and visit friends? Maybe that would be a good starting point?

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 27/01/2017 12:14

Not if they've got small children. Small children who go to childcare.

OP posts:
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