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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is my real niece?

221 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 25/01/2017 16:42

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family Sad

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

OP posts:
oneleggedfatbird · 26/01/2017 23:21

I like auntie bunny Smile

Twinklecomic · 27/01/2017 00:41

My favourite uncle (by a million miles) was my mem's sister's husband. He was more an "uncle" to me than any of my blood relatives. Such a nice person. Don't mind your nasty spirited ML. (Welshgirl40 has the measure of her).

Smitff · 27/01/2017 00:48

I think your MIL has alternative facts about who can be an aunt.

Totallypearshaped · 27/01/2017 01:05

You have to hope that there are no adopted babies ever then, as according to your MIL there's no "blood" to make a family there!

Your MIL sounds a little crazy, and not in a good way.

Of course you're an aunt. And your DSs are this little baby's brothers in a way, more so as your BIL's bio family haven't had or adopted kids yet.

Extended and blended families are all over. Having some sensitivity to that is essential.
I think MIL didn't get the memo about a lot of things.

You sound lovely and welcoming mrs . I bet this little girl will love you much more than jealous MIL! I have the good fortune of lots of nieces, nephews, godsons, goddaughter, and some step nieces and nephews, and some blended nieces too. All super. The more the merrier.

Get shopping for your little baby niece. Pics of outfits please!
Good luck to your sil for the birth and beyond: recovery, breastfeeding and all that and dealing with a rather crazy and possessive sounding mum

BeaLola · 27/01/2017 01:11

I met my wonderful DS when he was 4,( we adopted him).

When he was a little bit older he declared me his Real Mummy - he had loved the Velveteen Rabbit story that I had read him at nighttime and said that because he loved me so much he had made me his real forever Mummy. And that is what I feel - REAL.

You are already a lovely real Auntie , sad that your MIL is so bitter, hey ho you niece will adore you.

And for completeness here is the actual quote from the book:

When a child loves you for a long, long time, not just to play with, but REALLY loves you, then you become Real.

harleysmammy · 27/01/2017 01:18

My sister in law and my sister are great aunties but my son has always called my best friend auntie and shes just as good an auntie as any blood aunties he has. Ive never really thought about aunties and uncles that arent blood being any different to blood aunties and uncles, thinking about it though i actually like my auntie by marriage alot more than my blood aunties haha! Of course she's your real niece, shes being silly. You have just as much right to be excited x

AbernathysFringe · 27/01/2017 01:25

I think it's dependent on how close you all are, really. There are disclaiming 'in-law- suffixes to his sister, his mother, they aren't your sister and mother, so I suppose they are more your nieces and nephews-in-law, though since there's no such term, it's more just an unwritten feeling in my opinion. However, some people feel like their MILs and SILs are as close as real mothers or sisters, so, yes, all relative, no pun intended.

Teresa64863 · 27/01/2017 05:51

First, that is the correct name for this relation.

Secondly, on that basis your husband would not really be a relation as you are not blood relatives and the same would apply to adopted children etc.

Thirdly, what a sad old world it would be if we were only able and entitled to love blood relations.

She probably regretted it the minute she said it!

mathanxiety · 27/01/2017 06:02

Actually (and this may be kinda tenuous as arguments go I will admit) since you have two DCs with your DH, you and he are blood relations as you have relatives by blood in common, and therefore everyone he is related to is your relative too.

Veryslovenlymummy · 27/01/2017 06:34

My brother recently separated from his wife, and my children kept asking me if she would still be their aunt. I said of course. They still love her to bits, and the feeling is mutual, as well as her mum, sister and niece too (who aren't "blood-related" to us), as do I. Once an aunt, whatever the connection, always an aunt.

Original poster
Mrsemcgregor · 27/01/2017 07:08

My niece is here!!!! A very healthy weight and mum and baby doing very well Grin

OP posts:
AllTheWittyNamesAreGone · 27/01/2017 07:22

Congratulations auntie MrsemcgregorFlowers

diddl · 27/01/2017 08:45

Hooray!

Congratulations Auntie!!!

(And to the parents as well of course).

FfionFlorist · 27/01/2017 09:41

Wonderful news, a new baby, nothing lovelier.

When I was a teenager I very clearly remember finding out or working out that some of my many aunts and uncles weren't blood relatives. It hadn't occurred to me before because...you know they all loved me and I loved them, it didn't make one iota of difference to me then or now.

Andrewofgg · 27/01/2017 17:54

Oh wonderful!

Flowers galore and spoil her rotten!

tooclosetocall · 27/01/2017 18:15

Flowers Mrsemcgregor, enjoy the sweet newborn smells and cuddles with your niece.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 27/01/2017 18:43

Hurrah for the arrival of your new niece! Stuff MIL. She's a bitter trout.

BeaLola - your story made me well up, it really did. What a beautiful thing for your DS to have said to you. I've never read the Velveteen Rabbit and think I ought to (but with tissues at hand!)

Bubspub · 28/01/2017 11:21

Ah yay! Huge congratulations! She will be very loved by you no doubt x X

CaraAspen · 28/01/2017 11:37

Of course she is your niece! Your mil is woefully ignorant or possibly:

"dalmatianmad

Your mil is a twat, ignore...."

AngelBlue12 · 28/01/2017 11:51

My children still call my brothers ex wife Aunty as she is still their cousins mum. And they adore my BIL.

Your MIL is BU.

bibbetybobbetybooo · 29/01/2017 20:11

Awwww! Congratulations Auntie OP!!! Xxx

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