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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is my real niece?

221 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 25/01/2017 16:42

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family Sad

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

OP posts:
DonttouchthatLarry · 25/01/2017 19:27

Well I always called my aunties and uncles 'auntie and uncle' not 'auntie x and her husband' or 'uncle y and his wife' - she's being ridiculous!

CrispPacket · 25/01/2017 19:28

thats so mean! :( My uncle married someone a couple of years ago went all the way to the other side of the world for the wedding and now they live here..i dont class her as an aunt. My other uncle isnt married but has 2DDs with his long term gf..i class her as an auntie. I'm sure your niece will consider you an auntie Smile x

MarasmeAbsolu · 25/01/2017 19:29

seems to run like this in some families

My DNs (sons of husband's brother) refer to DH as Uncle Bob, while I am only referred to by my first name. As a girlfriend in passing, I guess - nevermind the fact we've been married for yonks, and have kids of our own.

Writerwannabe83 · 25/01/2017 19:33

I have a niece and a nephew through my sister but I don't consider my BIL's children to be my nieces and nephews, I class them as my DH's nieces and nephews.

I am not their aunt just because I'm married to their uncle and my DH isn't the uncle to sister's children just because he's married to me.

The way I feel about my BIL's children can't even be compared to the way I feel about my sister's children.

That's just my background though and YADNBU to feel upset/offended by what was said. You are clearly very happy and excited about the new baby coming along and you're obviously going to love it so try not to worry about what the official label your relationship with the baby will be.

Congratulations on soon becoming a 'real' aunt Flowers

Lifegavemelemons · 25/01/2017 19:36

I'm divorced. In my exH's family they used first names of aunties and uncles rather than Auntie Mary or Uncle Fred, unlike in my birth family. I considered my aunties and uncles by marriage as very real aunties and uncles, interestingly my ExHs blood Neices and Nephews still consider me part of the family, and my kids consider their various parents to still be aunts and uncles despite their divorces (!) yes, my ex H and his siblings are all divorced at least once (!) it's about the relationships not the "blood". I am of the generation that called my parent's friends (and some of the neighbours) Auntie and Uncle - because that was the role they took on in our lives.

CheerfullyIndifferent · 25/01/2017 19:40

DH's nieces all call me auntie Cheerfully, despite the fact that I was a teenager when they were born even though they were teenagers when we first got together. No one - to my knowledge - ever told them to, which made me feel part of the family instantly. I refer to them as my nieces too. I am a great-aunt now, all on DH's side, as my siblings are bit younger and don't have children yet.

Your MIL is not only BVU, but also a bit mean. Sad

mathanxiety · 25/01/2017 19:42

She is a real niece and you are a real aunt.

Your MIL is a real pill.

Original poster
Mrsemcgregor · 25/01/2017 19:42

online and red FlowersFlowers

OP posts:
tooclosetocall · 25/01/2017 19:42

Hmm YANBU. What a rotten thing to hear, and for her to destroy your buzz about a soon-to-be newborn family member.

If you are married or have a partner then their nieces and nephews are your nieces and nephews too. This goes for step children & adoptions as well. In our family we have an adopted girl and I'm her Aunty good and proper!

Ignore your MIL. Sounds she's making her claim already (hers vs everyone else's).

Hulababy · 25/01/2017 19:48

I do know some people who think like this. To me it is an odd thought. I have such a nice relationship with DH's family and have known them for so many years, they are very much part of MY family too. DH and my family are the same.

I have two nieces via DH's side - two young girls who I love dearly and who I am very much a real auntie to.
Likewise I have a little nephew via my sister - and DH is definitely his real uncle too.

Hopefully nothing will ever happen between me and DH, but I very much would want to retain my relationship with my nieces if it did.

Hulababy · 25/01/2017 19:55

Also, I have never distinguished between my own aunties and uncles in terms of direct relation or in law relation. They are all my aunt/uncle regardless. Whether it was through marriage or not never really came into it, unless they married when I was a fair bit older (say teen or above, only 2 or 3) and didn't have that earlier bonding relationship.

Seeingadistance · 25/01/2017 19:56

I'm divorced but my ex husband's sisters sons are still very much my nephews, and they were both school age when I married their uncle. I'm close to both of them, and am delighted to be great auntie to my elder nephew's daughter.

She is very much your niece! And congratulations!

Kewcumber · 25/01/2017 20:01

Your Mil would burst a blood vessel in our family! My (adopted) DS who calls me "mum" despite only meeting me when he was 11 months is closest of all his aunts and uncles to his "auntie" who is my brother's ex wife.

What on earth would your MIL call a child who is not a blood relation to their own mother calling his non-blood related but legal uncle's ex wife "Auntie"

girlelephant · 25/01/2017 20:05

I'm an only child and adore my niece (SIL's DD). I would be hurt if she grew up & didn't see me as a "real" aunt

QueenofallIsee · 25/01/2017 20:13

I am not married to my DP of 15 years. His brother's son is my nephew. His younger brothers wife has 2 children from a previous marriage who are my neices. Their new son together is my nephew. My God children all call me Auntie 'myname. I wouldn't have it any other way, I adore all the little buggers and there is nothing I wouldn't do for them...I would be very hurt if someone suggested that my affection for them was worth less due to blood!

Allthewaves · 25/01/2017 20:17

I have the opposite mil. I'm an only child and dh has sibling - when niece was born mother in law told me I'd better step up as it's the only neice I'm going to have Hmm luckily she's bloody cute - neice not mil Grin

iogo · 25/01/2017 20:18

I think your mil was very rude.

However I think the dynamics that already exist in a family probably have a huge sway in how people feel. I have a nephew who is my DH's brother's son and is only a couple of months younger than my DD (just being clear on how related, of course I view him as my BIL). We don't have that close a relationship really (there's no real back story but DH and his brother are 7 years apart and just not that close). I don't feel particularly bonded with my DN (actually he's not that nice a kid) but I'd never say that to my DH or his family.

My DB is 7 years younger than me, we're much closer than DH and his DB and I just know I'll love his children more (if he has any).

It's absolutely lovely that you are so excited. Your DNs are lucky to have you.

BakeOffBiscuits · 25/01/2017 20:20

Gosh what a stupid and cruel thing to say!

I have 6 nieces form my own brother and sisters but I'm closest to my BIL's DD. She's 14 and comes to stay with me 3 times a year in the school holidays. We have so much fun and I love her to bits.

Of course your new niece is "real", enjoy her!

mambono5 · 25/01/2017 20:29

Strange thing to say, but I agree with her. I am not the aunt of my husband nieces and nephews. I treat them the same way I treat mine of course, they are my kids cousins after all, but if I wasn't with my husband anymore, I would probably never see them again. I send them presents and have them for sleepovers etc but on behalf of my husband if that makes sense.

reup · 25/01/2017 20:32

*I have a niece and a nephew through my sister but I don't consider my BIL's children to be my nieces and nephews, I class them as my DH's nieces and nephews.

I am not their aunt just because I'm married to their uncle and my DH isn't the uncle to sister's children just because he's married to me.

The way I feel about my BIL's children can't even be compared to the way I feel about my sister's children.*

You are their aunt though whether you are close to them or not! It's the proper technical term not just an indication of your depth of feeling.

reup · 25/01/2017 20:32

Oops didn't manage bold there

BarbarianMum · 25/01/2017 20:42

I feel exactly the same about my nephew from my sister and my nephewfrom my husband's brother. I've spent time with them, had them over for sleepovers, told them off, bought them presents, watched them grow up....And they are blood relations to my dc.
So my nephews. Regardless.

Andrewofgg · 25/01/2017 21:28

In my exH's family they used first names of aunties and uncles rather than Auntie Mary or Uncle Fred, unlike in my birth family.

My nephew and niece (older than DW's nephew and nieces by several years, my DSis being seven years older than I) have always called me and DW by our first names, by my preference. But my BILs' children called us Auntie and Uncle, at least when they were younger; we got them to drop it over time although until MIL (their GM) died five years ago they always used the "polite" form in her presence. and I am damned if their children, now four of them, will call me Uncle; it wouldn't be accurate and being called Great-Uncle would make me feel even more ancient than I really am!

PutDownThatLaptop · 25/01/2017 21:31

Well this is weird. I have never heard it said that a couple would not be Auntie and Uncle - that's how it works surely?
I am Auntie to DH's sister's children, and her husband is Uncle to mine.

Cherrysoup · 25/01/2017 21:44

Weird thing for her to say. My DH's sister's DC are just as much my nieces and nephews as my sister's DC are, despite there being no blood tie.

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