Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is my real niece?

221 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 25/01/2017 16:42

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family Sad

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

OP posts:
KingJoffreysRestingCuntface · 25/01/2017 21:47

You're a real Aunt.

Your MiL is a real bitch.

Swirlingasong · 25/01/2017 22:14

What a horrid thing to say! Of course you are her aunt. Mind you, my in laws always seem to forget that dh is an uncle because none of his nephews and nieces are part of their family which I find oddly upsetting sometimes, probably because of the underlying idea that only blood can make you a real part of the family.

Vanillaradio · 25/01/2017 22:46

Of course you are her real aunt. Ignore Mil. And by the way I have an aunt who I still consider to be my aunt even though she divorced my dad's brother/my uncle sometime in the 90s. Family is about more than blood ties.

Willialwaysbelookeddownon · 25/01/2017 23:04

Haven't read the whole thread but you would very much be a real auntie in our family.
MIL was being a cow mine would say similar

ArcheryAnnie · 25/01/2017 23:44

Your MIL is bonkers. She's your niece. That's not even anyone generously stretching the definition - that IS the definition.

Catherinebee85 · 25/01/2017 23:48

Weird thing to say and more than a bit twatty! Ignore her and make them love you more than they love her. Muahahaha

Aspiringcatlady · 25/01/2017 23:53

My ex says this to my DS, that if someone is related to you by marriage they aren't related to you at all... Its just weird. I refer to my DH as "Uncle" to my niece and I refer to my DSIS husband as "Uncle" to my DS... Why is everyone so obsessed by bloodlines. You don't have to be blood to be a good aunt/uncle/brother/sister/step parent. Would your MIL say that to someone who adopted a child?! Hmm

PandoraMole · 26/01/2017 00:01

She's very weird.

I have always been auntie to my BIL's kids. He and STBXH have never been close but he and his wife and the kids have stayed in touch with me even though I left his brother last year.

Fwiw when I was small I could never really get my head around who was a 'real' auntie/uncle and who was one by marriage.

My mum's cousin is my 'auntie' and her son calls my mum the same.

DD's Godfather is a STBXH's best mate but has always been 'uncle' (much to MILs disgust but she's a batshit crazy fruitcake from hell). DD is closer to him than either of her 'blood uncles' and he's been amazingly supportive of all three of us since the break up.

Genetics has sweet fa to do with it IMHO.

elliejjtiny · 26/01/2017 00:14

Definitely a real auntie. Hope all goes well and enjoy your new niece. I love being an auntie.

Willyoujustbequiet · 26/01/2017 00:15

Yanbu

She will always be your neice. If you get divorced she will still be your neice.

I have been around for my stbx sis in law dd her entire life. More than 20 years. Just because i got rid of her abusive prick of an uncle does not mean she stops being my neice.

EmeraldScorn · 26/01/2017 02:44

I always marvel at this aspect of married life because in fairness how family dynamics are when all is well in the marriage is entirely different to when/if things fall apart.

It's lovely that you intend to treat this little baby how you treat your brother's children but the reality is if you were to get divorced it's unlikely that you'd still be seen as Auntie to your ex husband's niece and therefore you aren't her real niece in the technical sense.

I'm auntie to my siblings children but I'm not an auntie to anyone else's children and I don't pretend/wish to be. I don't think marriage has to be inclusive of every extended family member, he has his nieces/nephews and I have mine - That when if the relationship was to end, I'd still be an auntie and he'd still be an uncle.

Whatever works for you though OP, if you feel she is your niece then that's great. Your mother in law was obnoxious and her remark wasn't necessary at all, just ignore her.

SparklyUnicornPoo · 26/01/2017 03:06

Pfft, course she's your real niece.

Due to huge families I have 11 aunts and 10 uncles, I tend to think of them in their couples because cards and gifts are always from Uncle A and Aunty B, but I don't really think about which ones blood related to my parents, unless I'm trying to explain my family tree to someone (most of them have large families, lots of grand children and great grandchildren etc and one day I will work out where each one fits)

newmumwithquestions · 26/01/2017 03:32

She's wierd.
You're right.

I was quite old before I worked out who were 'blood' aunties and uncles and who were through marriage. Didn't make a jot of difference.

NeedaFanjob · 26/01/2017 03:35

Just a heads up to those saying its not a real niece unless its blood. Thats not true. You are LAWFULLY an auntie to your husbands siblings children. Just as he is an uncle to your siblings children. It doesn't matter whether you prefer your own siblings children or not. That is the law and the OP is definitely an aunt to this new baby.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/01/2017 03:46

That was a truly cuntish thing for her to have said to you :(
I only hope that she doesn't decide to treat her new DGD preferentially to your DSs, that would be even worse, but I feel that it might go that way - she's pretty much nailed her colours to the mast, hasn't she?

FWIW, I agree with you.

mambono5 · 26/01/2017 07:49

NeedaFanjob

You must be right, but practically, what does it change? I won't be an auntie anymore if I get divorced or lose my husband. I don't have to put them on my will either - I don't even have to put any oh my own kids on my will in this country.

ThumbWitchesAbroad
massive leap, why would the MIL treat her grandchildren differently? She might not feel that her daugther in law is their aunt, but that has nothing to do with the fact that children come from her daughter, and the others from her own son. They are still her grand kids equally.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 26/01/2017 10:28

No, not a massive leap - taken from this comment:

Mrsemcgregor Wed 25-Jan-17 16:49:45
cora no, that's the weird thing. I don't usually feel pushed out but now her DD is giving her a grandchild (and a girl at that, we have 2 DS) she seems to be less keen on us.

mambono5 · 26/01/2017 11:04

That's just sad, the grand mother prefers her daughter to her son. Nothing to do with not considering the wife as an auntie, or the husband as an uncle. It's true that, sadly, people showing preferences is not uncommon.

In real life, how many people keep in touch with their nieces and nephews- in-law after a divorce? The majority of kids see their grand parents and cousins when they are with the parent from that side, not the other.

BiddyPop · 26/01/2017 11:30

I have similar - but I still count all DNieces/DNephews, whether mine by my Siblings (Sisters), by DH Siblings (Sisters), OR by the DW's of DBrothers of either of us - to ALL be both my and DH's "real" DN's.

In all 3 (or 4!) cases, while there may not be a specific blood link to me, there is a clear link by marriage to both DH and I, and they are thus part of our extended family.

diddl · 26/01/2017 15:18

Hoping that your niece is now here, Op!

SparklestheUnicorn · 26/01/2017 17:27

Yes you will be (or are) her rea Auntie! I have 2 nieces and a nephew from my sister, the same from my step-sister and a nephew and a late niece from my DH's brother and wife. I love them all equally. When my niece on DH's side died, let me tell you I felt the loss just as painfully as if she'd been blood related.

Enjoy your new addition to the family!

mammamic · 26/01/2017 17:33

What a totally weird thing to say!

Of course you are her real aunt and she is your real niece. I don't think many people would differentiate. It's your children's cousins - in exactly the same 'blood' way.

Horrible, sly way of looking at the world. And I bet her daughter would be mortified and horrified that her mother is speaking about her child in this way.

When the time is right, I'd slip that in...

'I know your mum doesn't think that I'm her real aunt as I'm not a blood relative but I hadn't thought of it that way at all and I really hope that we can be as big a part in her life as we are in my siblings' children's lives.'

Witch

reiki73 · 26/01/2017 17:37

Aww, Aunty bunny, that's really sweet 🙂 Enjoy getting pressies for her!

Katherine2626 · 26/01/2017 17:39

Family is a word for people who feel they are bound together by love, shared history and all the best of emotions. Your Mil is being a really silly old bat to say that - you are married and your husband is her uncle, therefore you are the baby's aunt. End of.

user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 17:39

It depends. There is no right or wrong here, some people consider their partners nieces/nephews to be theirs, some don't. Either is fine, its not set in stone.