To think she is my real niece?

[Mrsemcgregor]

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

If MIL is such a pedant stickler for formality, then every time she refers to herself as this baby's grandmother, say "Yes. You are her maternal grandmother and DBIL's mother is her paternal grandmother."

....but in answer to the question, she's being an idiot and congratulations on becoming an auntie! (I'm pretty sure the dictionary defines "aunt" as either the sister of one's parent or the wife of one's uncle. Come to think of it, you could show that to MIL!)

It's a funny one. My DH had all his nephews already by the time I met him, so I consider them his nephews, and not mine. But I think if any more were to come along I might feel more like their aunt.

All my aunts and uncles were just aunts & uncles when I was a child - I had no idea who was the blood relation and who'd married in.

Shitty thing of your MIL to say though!

You are married to her Uncle, therefore you are her Aunt, therefore she will be your niece imo.

I guess if you divorced she would no longer be your niece as it's an "in law" relationship?

You are her uncle's wife and therefore her auntie so of course she's your niece.

DSIL's two girls are my nieces. I held them both at a couple of days old and they're definitely my nieces!

I guess I can see the point that if I ever split from DH then most likely the relationship would no longer exist, unless I stayed close to dsil which I guess would depend on manner of break up.

But for now I am auntie. I am going to be the best damn auntie a little girl could have. Now I need to go baby shopping!

It is a stupid comment to make, You are her aunt by marriage and there is kind of a blood link now through your dc.

I tend to refer to my DB's children as my DNs & SIL's children as DH's DNs, but they are all treated equally & we both think of them all as "ours" IYKWIM

Your MIL is being nasty.

I feel a bit odd perceiving my DH's nephew as mine since he is only a couple of years younger than me and was grown up when we met. My brother's children (same age as my kids) are definitely DH's nephew and niece though.

Of course she is your neice but if you look back at a lot of MN threads there are a lot of people who think their OH's family have nothing to do with them - cards not to be wrote, calls not to be mad, conversations not to be had

When DH and I got married I married into his family whilst he married into mine; I've never understood the posters who feel that the 2 families are totally separate

God I wish someone had told my aunts this years ago so they weren't a big part of my childhood. I really must stop my closeness with DP's sister's kids. And as for my nieces and nephews adoring DP, that shit has to stop.

As far as the new baby is concerned, your MIL is batshit crazy, ignore her. As far as MIL's relationship with you and your DH goes, that might need some discussion with your DH in the first instance? Sorry OP, she's being a cow!

To all those, who say the person is no longer an aunt or uncle once divorced, I do see the logic but I disagree. My aunt and uncle divorced. Ok this was when I was an adult. However, as the father to my cousin, her ex to me will always be my uncle. Her new husband is her husband but I don't see him my uncle. There is no history there. I have a history and familial ties with her first husband.

OP, even if your marriage were to end, you'd still be their aunty. My parents divorced almost 20 years ago. All my cousins on my mums side still call my dad their uncle! My aunty on my dad's side died 27 years ago. Add my parents divorce into that mix. My aunty's sons STILL call my mum their aunty. Why wouldn't they?! Yanbu. Your Mil is an obtuse twat.

littledragon absolutely!

My Auntie B died at the end of last year. And I wept buckets.

She was my mother's SIL. Her brother (my uncle) married her not long before I was born.

She was my real auntie. When I was kid, a stroppy teen, a young adult flailing about in the world... all the way through to now, her as an elderly lady, me as a middle aged woman.

I have loved her all my life. She, and her amazing, gravity defying beehive, were an integral, important part of the tapestry of what made me, me. You don't get realer than that.

Go love the new arrival. Be her Auntie "Mrs Like Ewan Mc a Lot " Never mind what anybody else thinks, real is as real does.

I can see this from all angles, although I still think you are an Auntie!

Growing up DF had 2 siblings and I was close to my cousins the in-laws were my Auntie and Uncle, when they both got divorced, we lost touch with the in-law (one fled the country). One sibling has had two long-term partners since and neither have considered themselves to be my Uncle and I was only about 10 when this started.

Both DH and I have siblings with children, our DC are the oldest, sometimes we refer to them as being his DN or mine usually when my DB kids are being feral or DSIL child is playing up but we love them all and treat them equally. I am very good at being an Auntie as I love spoiling children and having fun. It's so much better than being the parent who has to send them to bed, school etc.

If I ask my DC (adult) about the IL then they would say that the ones that have been around since before they can remember are their Aunt & Uncle and the recent additions are just X someone they like but as an extended family member (except ex-SIL who they never took to). This is because there has been no close bond developed during growing up.

As if a child could get too much love. Your MIL is an idiot, OP. You'll be a wonderful auntie.

online your post made me well up, thank you. I lost my dearest auntie a year or so ago and I miss her dreadfully. She was, truly, part of the fabric of my life. She also adored my DS. Aunties are amazing!!
Enjoy the baby cuddles mrs and ignore batshit MIL!

Of course she is your real niece! As a niece myself I consider all my aunts and uncles to be my real aunts and uncles, whether they are my parents' siblings or married to my parents' siblings. Your MIL needs a grip.

How nasty. Congrats on YOUR niece xxx

Niece/nephew means your sibling's child or your husband's sibling's child. There is no alternative word for the latter. You might not be close to them but that is the name of your familial relationship. It's only in MN that I've heard people ever doubt this.

I tried looking up what ones nephews wife was to you - I suppose just nephew's wife but I'd quite like another niece.

niece-in-law perhaps reup ?

We arent married but count both nieces and nephews on each side of our families the same. They have always called us aunt and uncle. We have been together 15years so it would be a bit weird i think if they didnt. Your mil is being an arse.

Red

I'd offer you a tissue, but mine appears to have got a bit soggy. I miss the way we were. Auntie B was so tiny, now I look back in photos. But to me she seemed so tall and strong. She had more than the usual helping of indomitable spirit. I learned what it meant to step forward and be counted from her. We shared not one smidgen of DNA with her, but the bond was strong, and real. Very very real.