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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is my real niece?

221 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 25/01/2017 16:42

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family Sad

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

OP posts:
Munchkin76 · 26/01/2017 17:42

No difference lovely x my mother in law said this to me once x really hurtful x but enjoy the safe arrival of your new niece and don't let her spoil it x

Trifleorbust · 26/01/2017 17:44

Matter of personal opinion but she was very rude to say this to you. I would be really upset if my MIL said this to me and I think I would have to say something.

Areyoulocal · 26/01/2017 17:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pinkstripeycat · 26/01/2017 17:59

For anyone who says technically she is right - think about this - my husband is adopted therefore his parents are not blood related to him. Does that TECHNICALLY mean they are not his real parents?! NO! They are his real parents so this little girl will be your real niece

LookingforMaryPoppins · 26/01/2017 18:01

You sound lovely! What a lucky baby to have such a great Auntie :)
Your mil sounds bizarre! What a horrible (and incorrect) attitude to have.

My mil is the same sadly! We get on well and she is never unpleasant yet her (and her side of the family) simply don't consider non blood relatives as family. They get excluded etc. I sort of think that's just what they are like and don't mean anything by it but other times feel like its really out of order and they should be aware of their actions.

My SIL' child definitely usurps my own in the importance stakes, sadly her step child isn't even considered a grandchild! so sad and so wrong yet weirdly I'm sure no malice is intended!

icelolly99 · 26/01/2017 18:02

Children who are cousins of your children are definitely your nieces and nephews; I've never known anyone to think differently about this!......

harderandharder2breathe · 26/01/2017 18:02

Your MIL is rude, what a nasty thing to say!

As a child I considered all my (blood) uncles and aunts to be equal to their spouses as far as relatives. Now I'm an adult I'm not close to any of them but tend to only count the blood related ones simply because I have so many (including spouses I have 10 aunts and 10 uncles)

NeedaFanjob · 26/01/2017 18:06

mambono5

I dont think OP is talking about making a will or anything close. She is the babys auntie and is obviously looking forward to having her new niece. The question was,,,is she the auntie...and yes she is. I think the comment made to her was a little flippant and uncalled for. If OP and her hubby ever divorce, she may well stay in contact with her niece... I have an uncle who is married to my fathers sister. This aunt is a real bitch, but her husband, my uncle is lovely... If she ever divorced him or died I would for sure stay in touch with him.

Cineraria · 26/01/2017 18:07

Well, look on the bright side: that's MiL's next Christmas present sorted out then, isn't it? A dictionary with a lovely bookmark in the N section, where the definition of niece is underlined with a Post-it note would be perfect. That should save her from making any more embarrassing mistakes.

SarcasmMode · 26/01/2017 18:15

My aunts Ed husband is my uncle still even though they are divorced.

They were together since I was 3, married when I was around 9, had my 2 lovely cousins and divorced when I was around 22.

He's the uncle figure I grew up with. He still calls me his niece too as well as my sister. He gave me £100 for my wedding. When I was younger he'd come to my school events and actually brought his brothers along with him (from another country).

Maybe she's just ignorant.

Or maybe she's being a nasty cow.

Either way just ignore and enjoy the little baby Smile

Congratulations Aunty 👍🏻

reup · 26/01/2017 18:31

This thread is really winding me up as so many people are incorrect - it is set in stone and it's not a matter of opinion; aunts and uncles are not necessarily blood relationships. Any children of your husbands siblings are your nieces and nephews. There are no exceptions. This is the factual description of your relationship. It's not about how much you love them/look like them/share DNA.

PollytheDolly · 26/01/2017 18:37

That says more about your MIL than you.

Enjoy YOUR niece.

What absolute contrived bullshit.

Loreleigh · 26/01/2017 18:38

The attitude says more about your mother-in-law than about you! Family is not all about blood relationships, and the new baby is your niece whether she likes it or not. Maybe she's feeling overprotective, needy, attention-seeking, jealous or similar, but don't let her nasty snipe ruin your relationship with the new little girl. Welcome the baby, celebrate her and ignore any cruel statements that are simply out of order. Many families are made up of non-blood-related members, e.g. half-siblings, step-relatives, close friends that are as good as relatives, adopted or fostered members etc. You are related by marriage, the little girl is your 'real' niece and you have every right to be equally excited about her arrival as you were with your other nieces - it is your mother-in-law who needs to 'get real'!

Notmuchtosay1 · 26/01/2017 18:43

I'd say you are Auntie. I used to call my Dads sisters husband uncle. Must admit I don't call him uncle now I'm older. But then my Aunt won't let me call her Aunt either. Enjoy your new niece, I would love to be an Auntie. Being an only child I never will be. (OH has a niece and nephew but as OH is older than me and his sister is 8 years older than him it makes the niece and nephew my age, so I'm not like Aunt to them)

AlwaysBeBatman · 26/01/2017 18:43

I lived with my dad and my stepmum from the age of 11, along with my full db and two step brothers. I ADORE my stepmum and I'm closer to one of my stepbrothers than almost anyone else in the world.

My MIL however is fond of reminding me that they're not 'real family' and 'it's nothing like the bonds of blood'. It really upsets me as I consider my stepmum to BE my mum. TBH I think that's why she says it. Cow.

ptangyangkipperbanguuh · 26/01/2017 18:47

Well said reup !

Meluzyna · 26/01/2017 19:00

My Mum's first husband died three years before she met my Dad and had me.
First husband had a brother who had three children, so my Mum was their aunt by virtue of being married to their uncle.
They still call her Auntie Mary even thought they are grown up and have children of their own and furthermore I consider them to be my cousins and call their parents Aunt and Uncle too.
Your M-i-L is an offensive idiot.

mummyB1 · 26/01/2017 19:02

My mums brothers partner who has been with since forever not married I always refer to her as my auntie and my children are her great niece and nephew your mother in laws an we is a cunt

mummyB1 · 26/01/2017 19:05

Also my dh brothers/sisters children I consider my nieces and nephews

bibbetybobbetybooo · 26/01/2017 19:14

Well isn't your MIL delightful...

Of course you're her aunt. Bloody ridiculous to say you're not. I'm an aunt to my husband's siblings children as well as to my brother's children. I love them all unconditionally and there's no differentiating between them because some are blood relatives and some are relatives by marriage.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/01/2017 19:16

Stupid mil. Course you are aunts

I'm assuming her views been that she isn't mil to the daughters hubby as she isn't blood related 🙄🙄

AnonymousShe · 26/01/2017 19:31

Mrsemcgregor Ignore the old bat - what matters is your relationship with your niece. My favourite relative was not blood-related.

Lillithxxx · 26/01/2017 19:37

What a nasty MiL, I'm afraid she's really doesn't like you. Baby girl IS definitely your neice and how lucky she will be to have you.

sykadelic · 26/01/2017 19:43

I'm a bit like your MIL but it's based on my family history.

If you didn't have kids (and therefore could disappear on divorce without any connection) then no, I wouldn't consider you an Aunt. As you do have kids, then you're always going to be involved in some form so yes, you are.

I realise this isn't a popular view but as I said, my family history is such that divorce resulted in "aunts" and "uncles" disappearing on divorce. That said, if you're the kind of person that does it for friends as well, then it doesn't hold as much "weight" as it does if you only use it for family and therefore no drama saying it for all and sundry.

WildRoses · 26/01/2017 20:10

Your niece will be very lucky to have an auntie like you. X

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