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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think she is my real niece?

221 replies

Mrsemcgregor · 25/01/2017 16:42

My dsil (DH sister) is currently in labour with her first dc, a little girl!

I was telling my MIL that I was so excited to meet my new little niece and she scoffed and said "she's not your real niece, your not a blood relation".

I am as excited about this baby as I was my db's children and feel like I am getting a "real" niece. Now I feel hurt and like I am not a "real" part of the family Sad

AIBU to think she is my niece and treat her as I do all my other nieces? (I have no nephews!)

OP posts:
user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 20:36

Nice casual ageism btw folks. Lots of "stupid old bat" type comments. What has her age got to do with it?

lotbyname · 26/01/2017 20:43

I recently had a baby and the notion that I or my mum would want people to love him less based on levels of blood relation!! How does your silaw seem, given mil is plainly loopy?

Original poster
Mrsemcgregor · 26/01/2017 20:53

The labour was a false alarm so it will be a few more days before I meet my niece!!

My sil is lovely and has never once suggested I won't be Auntie. As this is her first baby, and none of her friends have had babies yet and she has no sisters, she sees me as somewhat of a pregnancy and baby guru (oh how wrong she is Grin) I imagine I will get lots of cuddles with my niece and will be very happy to do so in front of my MIL all the time calling myself "auntie"

Thank you all

OP posts:
kazlau · 26/01/2017 21:02

What an old c#w your MIL is. Of course she's your real niece. YANBU. Horrible woman. Enjoy your cuddles when the baby comes because you will definitely be her real auntie x

user1484317265 · 26/01/2017 21:04

Again! Can't you just call her a cow if you really feel the need, why old cow?

Sarahrellyboo1987 · 26/01/2017 21:06

My partners sisters son is my nephew and I could t give a rats bottom what anyone thinks.
Blood does not define family - relationships do!
She is your niece. Tell your mum to stop being a turd!

iMogster · 26/01/2017 21:07

My Sis in law just had a baby. I love being a real Auntie!!

JennyWoodentop · 26/01/2017 21:08

If SIL & BIL consider you a "real" auntie to their child, then that's what matters and MIL can think what she wants - how rude to say it out loud though!

MIL has let slip what she thinks about your position in the family, what you do about that, if anything,is up to you. Personally I would disengage and let my husband manage his and the children's relationship with her - visits, Christmas and birthday cards & gifts, all the stuff people refer to as "wifework" - maybe he does all that already, but if I was doing it, I'd be stepping back. I would also think twice if she wanted favours now that I know she doesn't see me as "family", but I'd be relieved to know future caregiving duties would be off the agenda - no chance of her moving in to my house in later life. You reap what you sow.

Yoarchie · 26/01/2017 21:09

Stupid woman. Of course she's your niece. You are married!

You should have replied oh good that must mean you're not my real mil

BillSykesDog · 26/01/2017 21:09

Aw, lucky little girl to have you as an Auntie. My DNs on husband's side are huge great teenagers now and I adore them and we're very close. MIL is a nobber.

Chelazla · 26/01/2017 21:10

What a bitch! Cause you are! My dh loves his uncle to bits, 33 still calls him uncle. Taught him to fish, took him on hols one of his fave people! Ridiculous thing to say, never heard anything like this really. Thought my sil ignores my kids! I don't hers though she's uptight and best left to it!

Chelazla · 26/01/2017 21:10

Yo Archie GrinGrinGrin

Bubspub · 26/01/2017 21:13

Of course she's your real niece and you have the right to be totally excited! That's how families work, you gain some on each side and join as one! YANBU x

JennyWoodentop · 26/01/2017 21:18

Chelazla that's lovely about your DH and his uncle.

I'm rather a lot older than your DH, and the husbands of my late mother's sisters are very much my uncles and have been so my whole life, they are very much part of my family. I am much closer to both of them than my "real" uncles on my father's side.

dudette73 · 26/01/2017 21:21

This annoys me. What if they were adopted (as mine are)? Would MIL not want anything to do with them?

Blu99 · 26/01/2017 21:32

My dd is 10 months old now and I've been with my partner for 3 years. I'm an Auntie to my sisters two girls and we're all really close and spend a lot of time together. My partner found it flattering but a little odd that the girls instantly bonded with him and started calling him uncle. He had no experience with children before our dd and nieces. They adore him and he adores them. I think it's a reflection on the person tbh. If you're consistent in a child's life and make effort to have a relationship with them then, a blood connection doesn't matter. Your children are cousins and related by blood so she didn't think that through. Your MIL is an ASS

yellowfrog · 26/01/2017 21:40

Of course you're her auntie! I'd have very cross words to say to anyone who tried to tell me my aunties weren't my aunties just because they're not related to me by blood!

pishedoff · 26/01/2017 21:43

YANBU!

I only have nieces and nephew through marriage (Brother in laws children) and I'd say I'm probably closer and more involved with them than my husband is!! I'd be gutted if someone told me they weren't really my Nieces and Nephew Shock

HarryPottersMagicWand · 26/01/2017 21:54

I've just asked DH and he doesn't consider himself uncle to my sister's children, I don't consider myself aunt to SILs baby but that's probably because she doesn't bother with our children who she is aunt to, neither of us think of her DH as uncle to our children. But DH thinks of his uncle's wife as his aunt. I've got aunts and uncles who have been married, 1 uncle I think of his wife as an aunt but my aunts husbands (now ex's) I never considered my uncles. It's very odd. I think it's down to family dynamics and individual relationships. My cousin told me that he is uncle x to my kids and always buys for them at christmas. He will never have his own and we grew up close so I'm happy with that.

IFinishedTheBiscuits · 26/01/2017 22:05

Haven't RTWT but do think how rude! My sister's husband is just as much an uncle to my boys as my brother is. In fact when DSis and DBil first got married I completely forgot he was now officially their uncle and said to DS1 "who's your favourite uncle then?!" meaning my brother after he helped them with something (the way people do when you've only got one uncle). And DS said DBIL... Oops. Did feel bad for my brother (he wasn't there luckily) but my brother in law makes more effort with them.

MrsWakey269 · 26/01/2017 22:10

My Mil, Fil and all DH Family actually are like this. Its infuriating. Only a real member of the 'thier' family when it suits i.e. recently cos our 2nd baby is due june.

PassiveAgressiveQueen · 26/01/2017 22:40

my MIl tries to do family phoots and she tries to only get her blood relations in it, so leaving out me and my other sister in law

TheNewMrsGerardButler · 26/01/2017 22:51

Of course she is your niece.

I'm expecting my first baby next month and I think of my brother's partner as it's auntie. They're not even married yet but recently got engaged after 9 years and we consider her part of the family.

ShelaghTurner · 26/01/2017 22:57

I've always considered mine aunts and uncles, no question. But now you mention it, I don't think I consider DH's nieces and nephews to be mine. That may be largely because most of them live overseas and we don't see them that much. I'll have to ask him how he sees my nieces and nephew.

But that's just me and no doubt I'm wrong. I hope your little niece arrives safely.

mintthins · 26/01/2017 23:07

She'll be so lucky to have you when she has arrived AuntieMcGregor. Of course you are a proper auntie! . 🙄