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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

347 replies

user1485342611 · 25/01/2017 15:25

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 25/01/2017 16:21

I dont think 12 year olds have any lesser rights than adults however if a child stands up and offers a seat to a needier person then they might just turn into considerate adults on public transport.

diddl · 25/01/2017 16:23

"Your friend should have brought her daughter up to offer her seat without being asked"

What about all the adults who didn't offer?

I wonder why the woman asked a child, or why the man didn't ask himself?

BigbyWolf · 25/01/2017 16:26

Sorry brasty, are you saying that adults used to be more tolerant and accepting of children's behaviour in the past? And that they expected consideration in return, i.e.; children standing for them on buses?

Sorry if I've misunderstood what you're saying.

Kewcumber · 25/01/2017 16:26

My 11 would unquestioningly give up his seat for any adult - in fact wouldn;t wait to be asked but would offer!

donkeystone · 25/01/2017 16:27

I don't think the fact they've only paid half fare means they should stand first. There are many different concessions, as with trains, and to have those who paid least stand first is ridiculous. The most able ought to stand first. I would offer my own seat before I'd ask an under 10, for example, to do it though, as they'd be more likely to fall or thrown about by the bus.

Yanbu OP, though the 12 year old's mother should have been the person to prompt her or offered her own seat first.

Sirzy · 25/01/2017 16:27

If a child/young person offered me their seat no way would I accept it. I have no greater need for it than them so it's first come first served!

Original poster
user1485342611 · 25/01/2017 16:28

I'm presuming the adults who didn't offer were just rude and inconsiderate. Children on the other hand are often just unaware that they should offer their seat, because they weren't taught this. If a stranger nicely asks them to stand so that an elderly person can have a seat, the lesson might sink in. With adults, it's probably too late. If they don't know by now......

OP posts:
LuluLovesFruitcakes · 25/01/2017 16:28

I make my 4yo stand if there's an elderly person with a wheelchair getting on with nowhere to sit Shock

CatAmongPigeons · 25/01/2017 16:29

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

Yes, your friend was ridiculous. A 12 year able-bodied child should always give up a seat for an elderly person with a clear mobility problem.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 25/01/2017 16:29

I think making a general announcement could be embarrassing for an elderly person. Far better to just discreetly ask someone to give up their seat.

OP posts:
Catherinebee85 · 25/01/2017 16:29

For a terrifying moment I thought you were suggesting it was unreasonable for the 12yr old to be asked. So glad you're of the opposite view!

At 12 I would have jumped up anyway. To be honest it should have been anyone asked to get up not this person singled out to get up because they're younger.

My mum would have been mortified to have heard I'd had to be asked and hadn't just done it voluntarily but unfortunately we live in a different world now.

It the mother were my friend if have to be very honest with her and tell her she's being ridiculous!

LuluLovesFruitcakes · 25/01/2017 16:30

Wheelchair Hmm walking stick !!

donkeystone · 25/01/2017 16:30

All adults? Should a 12 year old on a full bus give up their seat if an able-bodied 30 year old got on?

Not at all. If the 30 year old was fit and well and able to stand

BigbyWolf · 25/01/2017 16:32

Well that's what I think Donkey

brasty · 25/01/2017 16:32

Yes I was suggesting that

donkeystone · 25/01/2017 16:34

I make my 4yo stand if there's an elderly person with a wheelchair getting on with nowhere to sit

Presumably this would be at the front of the bus and in the priority area for wheelchairs, in which case you should move, most definitely.

Original poster
user1485342611 · 25/01/2017 16:34

I did tell my friend that the woman was just trying to make sure the old man was okay, seemed to have asked nicely not commanded etc.

But she's up on her high horse. I don't get the impression her daughter minded, but my friend can be a bit defensive if anyone says a word to her kids.

OP posts:
TheCustomaryMethod · 25/01/2017 16:35

What makes the 30 year old more worthy of a seat than the 12 year old?

I'm pretty sure when I was a child that I asked my parents why children were expected to give up their seats for adults (ie. any adults) and got the answer 'Grown-ups are more likely to be tired' which I accepted.

I think there's something in that - healthy children do have lots of energy, and won't be on the bus (for example) coming home from a 12 hour shift/having been up all night with a poorly baby/having spent a week on night-shifts/working in a heavy manual job etc.

I'm not saying all children always have more energy than adults - but in the scheme of things, it's probably the adults who are more likely to be the more tired.

Touchmybum · 25/01/2017 16:36

I'd like to think any of mine would have stood without prompting. I have a 13 year old, and am pretty certain he would.

expatinscotland · 25/01/2017 16:36

Oh, FFS, there are some very special snowflakes on here. Tired. From what, toiling down the mines 12 hours/day? Jesus wept. And people wonder why 'Kids today have no respect!'

expatinscotland · 25/01/2017 16:37

Teach 'em to go upstairs or work their way to the back, there, problem solved.

larrygrylls · 25/01/2017 16:39

Of course 12 year olds have fewer 'rights' than adults, in many respects. They also have far fewer obligations.

I tell my 6 and 7 year olds to stand up for any adult who looks in need of a seat (old, pregnant or even tired). They run around all day for pleasure, so standing cannot really be an issue...

PovertyPain · 25/01/2017 16:40

Good grief! I read on here on a regular basis how these children are the future doctors, nurses, etc, I can only shudder at what they will be like if they are taught the world should bend to their 'wants' at this age. It's all about the poor delicate flowers needing respect while still needing the adults to feed, clothe and care for them.

Did it ever occur to the posters suggesting that the adults don't give up their seats before the children, are behaving in such a way because THEY were taught that they were just as entit to the seats when THEY were young. 😒

PovertyPain · 25/01/2017 16:41

Entitled*

brasty · 25/01/2017 16:41

Actually kids today are pretty much the same as always. It is some parents who have changed.

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