re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

[user1485342611]

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

The people who have a go at 'bad-mannered' young mothers and children, wouldn't dare to huff at a cocky teenage male.

Gah! Still no one explaining why able bodied kids have to defer to able bodied adults and give up seats. I have missed out on 22 years of seats on buses and trains and I want to catch up but I need guidance. What is the underlying principles of adult seat rights over child seat rights? I am not going with something like adults are children's betters surely?

The people who have a go at 'bad-mannered' young mothers and children, wouldn't dare to huff at a cocky teenage male.

Speak for yourself ! I've seen some terrifying and foul-mouthed mothers of young children using public transport - far scarier than teenage males. Personally I wouldn't 'have a go' or 'huff' at anyone, though. Meeting rudeness with rudeness never leads to a good outcome.

The people who have a go at 'bad-mannered' young mothers and children, wouldn't dare to huff at a cocky teenage male.

They're probably more in danger of being punched etc by a cocky teenage male.

There is no standing upstairs, so perhaps all these poor children could go upstairs where there is no chance of them having to give up their precious seats.

Presumably all the upstairs seats were taken, or there was no upstairs.

I walk with a stick and will ask someone in the priority seats to stand if a bus is full and no one gets up, whether it's an adult or a child.

Fwiw teenage girls were the 2nd most likely group to offer their seats when I was pregnant.

Going back to the OP, I'm wondering whether the friend's rage is more that a stranger told her DD to do something, irrespective of what the thing was. So if the stranger had asked the girl to stop talking so loudly into her mobile phone, or turn the volume down on her leaky headphones (obviously I'm not saying she was doing any of those things) then the mother would have been just as furious. So it isn't necessarily about the standing up per se.

But since we're talking about standing for others on buses, I'll admit to being on the senior side of middle-aged - so yes, I was brought up to give my seat on the bus or train to any adult who was standing. I brought my own DDs up to give up their seat willingly and unprompted to anyone visibly in need of it (elderly, disabled, small children), and I explained to them about hidden disabilities so that they would always give their seat if asked, but I didn't expect them to offer their seat to any adult. It wasn't that I'd felt humiliated as a child/teen myself, but I definitely saw the convention as being part of the 60s/70s landscape of taken-for-granted discrimination based on gender, race, class, age, disability and so on.

I'm lucky to live in a city where showing consideration on buses is pretty much the norm, so if any able-bodied people happen to be seated on the lower deck and someone visibly in need of a seat gets on, the nearest person will always stand, and parents will put toddlers on laps. If by any chance you see a person of any age remaining seated, everyone assumes they need the seat - because of hidden disabilities, illness, being exceptionally tired etc. But there's none of this waiting to see if someone else will give up their seat and pretending to be absorbed in your mobile phone before someone grudgingly moves - I notice that a lot when I visit London, and it's pretty depressing.

I've never really travelled on public transport, and very rarely as a child, but find the concept of being offered a seat merely because I am an adult a little odd. I would always offer to an elderly person, pregnant lady, young child etc and would encourage my children to as well. However they are the type to wriggle incessantly, it's part of being a small child. They've never been to Greggs though.

"Nataleejah

The people who have a go at 'bad-mannered' young mothers and children, wouldn't dare to huff at a cocky teenage male."

What a daft thing to say. Young guys like that are often really nice and would probably shuffle to their feet blushing furiously. Often they are also the ones who say "Cheers" if you hold the door as they are coming along behind you. Many entitled mummies and grumpy old people just sail through - the unmannerly oiks.

I cannot believe someone actually said their 12 year old might fall if they had to stand on the bus. Fgs. Get real. The reason they don't stand is because they are rude and ignorant - and I can only assume their parents are too.
An

Have I just read that someone on this thread has never travelled on a train!? (Public transport.)

Actually I have had a go at young men on buses for putting their feet on seats, and many other things. Most of them do as I ask them, even if they don't look happy about it.

Was that aimed at me? Cause I have, just not very often. And as a child I can't think of maybe a handful of times as a late teen, but never before then.

"FrancisCrawford

Not all parts of the country have trains, Cara.

Not all families have a need to travel by train either."

But rarely to have travelled by train or indeed tram - popular in European cities too - or shock horror bus, is quite erm...unusual, no?

Obviously doesn't seem unusual to me. When I was at school , 80ies and 90ies we were always driven to school. Primary school was nearly an hour's drive each way. Very few children caught the bus, it was a public school if that makes any difference. If we wanted to go into town we were given a lift, my social life was on the beach which was over the road so I walked. When I went to grammar school for my A-Levels I caught the bus a few times, then passed my driving test and drove.

I caught the train to London once or twice at about 18 when my mother was in hospital there.

As an adult I got the train aboit once a week for about 6 months for work, and on those days would sometimes catch the bus to the train.

My kids love going on the bus or train now as it is kind of a novelty, and I must admit I do to! It just isn't something that has ever played a big part in my life.

Ok. 😎

I don't care if it's kids or young adults, but just get up off you arses if someone old or infirm or pregnant or carrying a small child needs your seat.

Don't leave it to older people to do the decent thing. They've already taken their turn, and it would be nice if the baton could be handed on.

I don't know a single local who has used them (including me). The buses are much handier, you see.

I kinda want to, whenever I'm in town, just for the experience. But as you say, walking the buses are quicker.