re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

[user1485342611]

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

Of course she should have stood up, but obviously so should the person telling her to stand up! ... the stranger was having a laugh telling the 12 year old to do something she wasn't prepared to do herself

The person asking her was already standing.

I don't see any reason why a 12 year old should give up their seat rather than a fit adult. How much you pay for your seat is irrelevant as old people and toddlers also pay less. The woman shouldn't have singled out a young girl just asked if anyone would give up their seat but it's sad she had to ask

The woman was standing

Dozens of adults will tell 12 year olds what to do in the course of their daily lives.

I don't think anyone should address a particular person when asking for a seat, as it's hard for a lot of people to speak up and say actually I do need the seat if they have additional needs, especially a 12 year old.

But assuming the 12 year old has no such needs your friend is being ridiculous

Exactly, Pen and 2rebecca.

Your friend should have brought her daughter up to offer her seat without being asked.

The 12 year olds mum was there and could easily have said that her DD actually does need to sit. Kids this age should stand for adults.

Teach them to go upstairs or straight to the back to avoid interfering people tutting about manners and respect.

If a woman standing near the door asked the girl to offer her seat to the elderly man, I'm assuming the girl was also sitting near the front of the bus In a seat that is expected to be volunteered for those in need of sitting, perhaps? Because the seats at the front are generally meant for the elderly and disabled and those less stable on their feet...

I'd be ashamed if my children didn't hadn't offered up a seat to an elderly person with a cane under similar circumstances.

My ds would have been expected to do this from the age of 6 or thereabouts- basically from the age when he was likely to be more agile and less likely to get hurt in a fall than an elderly person. If he did not seen the person in need of a seat I expected him to know what a nod in their direction meant.

(d otoh had an invisible disability, so we just had to endure the disapproving looks.)

I would have been embarrassed if anybody else had had to ask ds in my presence.

(But for dd's sake would have been grateful if they had asked the whole bus. Any child with an invisible disability will probably be used to incredulity from elderly people, so it can be scary having to explain.)

I don't think children should stand for adults. We're all human beings, being older doesn't make us more entitled to a seat.

Pregnant women, elderly people or people with disabilities may need seats. But it shouldn't automatically be children who stand.

kids this age should stand for adults

All adults? Should a 12 year old on a full bus give up their seat if an able-bodied 30 year old got on?

Yes they should Bigbywolf

I agree, Rhi. Don't see why they are considered less than by so many and so vilified.

Why? What makes the 30 year old more worthy of a seat than the 12 year old?

I think it's rude to ask anyone to give up their seat on behalf of someone else. If the person needed a seat they can ask (preferably addressing all the seated people rather than targeting one person). It seems mean to target a child. What if the girl needed to sit (injury/illness/disability) but was too shy to say? What if the man with walking stick was happy to stand and embarrassed by someone asking on his behalf?

I agree people should give up their seats to those in greater need of them. Children learn this by copying the behaviour of adults, not being humiliated into it.

Because adults used to be accepting more that kids needed help and that adults needed to be accepting of kids behavour. Everything from helping a mum on a bus with a pushchair to putting up with a baby screaming without any disapproval. And kids were expected to reciprocate by putting adults first sometimes.
Also until very recently it was a condition of half fare that kids stood if an adult was standing. If kids didn't want to stand for an adult, they would have had to pay full fare.

If a 12-year-old offered me a seat (30, no visible disabilities) I'd start worrying that I must look pregnant! They have as much right to a seat as I do.

I am older. I remember being offered a seat by a child when I was 18. Although even I was surprised by that. I accepted it.

I agree people should give up their seats to those in greater need of them. Children learn this by copying the behaviour of adults, not being humiliated into it.

Totally agree Nettle

If she was sitting next to the door, that would usually be the seat with the sign that says it's a priority seat for elderly or disabled people - which could well be why the woman singled her out to ask her to stand.

Otherwise I'd guess the woman didn't quite have the nerve to ask other adults to stand, but thought the 12 year old was young enough to take authority from her. And probably looked unlikely to be pregnant or have some hidden disability.

I'd have sympathy if it was a small child unable to reach the grab rails, or at risk of getting knocked around in a crowd. But not a 12 year old

But those seats at the front are priority for older and disabled people. I would say to anyone sitting there who is not older or disabled that they should give up their seat. And I have done.
Just like I have told kids and adults off for putting their feet on seats. I think that is why behavour used to be better, because adults did used to tell strangers kids off if they were not behaving correctly.

I'd understand if child was unsure on their legs or disabled but other than that I think your friend is a muppet.