re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

[user1485342611]

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

Fit, able-bodied people don't need seats more than any other fit, able-bodied person.

There are many things we do that we don't need to do but which are an accepted way of showing good manners and consideration. We don't need to add 'please' when making a request, but it's accepted as being polite to do so. We don't need to hold doors open for fit and healthy people who can open them by themselves, but it makes the world a pleasanter place when we do.

If we reduce every question of what's required by etiquette to a 'needs basis' much of what we call 'good manners' would go out of the window - is that really the sort of world people want to live in?

'Well I hope it's not against Talk Guidelines to say that your posts are making you sound pretty vile and unpleasant.

The kind of person I wouldn't engage with in RL, so I won't bother on here either.'

Thank goodness! I'll be keeping my seat on the bus, too.

Some people see it as 'good manners' that all children stand for any adult on the bus. Others see it as over entitlement by adults who expect this when they are fit and able-bodied. Tis the way the world turns.

expat

You're possibly overlooking the fact that adults who expect children to stand were almost certainly expected to stand for adults when they themselves were children - so their 'entitlement' as it might be called has been earned by years of showing consideration for others by doing the same thing themselves.

Oh, and user, it's pretty 'vile and unpleasant' to go behind your friend's back and start a thread on a site with millions of users to heap scorn on her and her child and bang on about how morally superior you are. Some friend! If you think so little of her, why not tell her to her face and stop being friends with her in RL since you can't sully yourself with people who don't agree with you? Or does it make you feel better about yourself to slag her and her child off on the internet?

Exactly customary. Middle aged people might not actually be infirm, but you can bet that most of them spent their childhoods standing up for others. Having the same courtesy now extended to them is nothing to do with 'entitlement', but just the. norm of consideration and kindness that they were brought up with.

'so their 'entitlement' as it might be called has been earned by years of showing consideration for others by doing the same thing themselves.'

Earned? In what, the Currency of Imagination? Is there some Master of Things Most People Don't Notice or Care About who keeps score of moral superiority and awards dividends to regular players? It's amazing how many people waste precious moments of their lives seething about slights only visible to themselves.

If friends came around to your house would you let your children lounge in the comfortable armchairs and expect the adults to sit on kitchen chairs though, morning.

I think it's just a nice courtesy for children to extend to people who have gone beyond a certain age. It teaches them general courtesy and consideration.

Is there some Master of Things Most People Don't Notice or Care About who keeps score of moral superiority and awards dividends to regular players?

Possibly - it's called treating others as you would wish to be treated yourself.

Oh, well. I've noticed that the parents who let their children wriggle round energetically on their seats while adults stand are often the same ones who let them scoff sweets and Greggs pasties on the bus, and then leave crumbs and wrappers behind - perhaps we should just accept that good manners and consideration for others are now relegated to the realms of Things Most People Don't Notice or Care About

Someone stood up for my eighty year old mother on the bus the other day. She was actually really surprised, as it rarely happens. Children and young adults just seem oblivious of others nowadays. Children can't be blamed as they need showing and telling. Unfortunately many of them will probably grow up to be rude twenty somethings who can't look up from their phones long enough to notice an elderly or infirm person in need of a seat.

It's pretty sad.

Yes, indeed! What is this world coming to? We're all doomed because all children don't automatically kowtow to ME! So I'll chuck my teddy out my pram on the internet and stamp my feeties in indignation! They are all pond scum compared to ME! Doesn't it ever grow tedious to tie oneself in knots over something that's so insignificant?

Yoof these days!

It's odd that deference by children to adults is a terrible thing and humiliating for the poor little snowflakes and yet adults are expected to defer to children.

*Someone stood up for my eighty year old mother on the bus the other day. She was actually really surprised, as it rarely happens. Children and young adults just seem oblivious of others nowadays. Children can't be blamed as they need showing and telling. Unfortunately many of them will probably grow up to be rude twenty somethings who can't look up from their phones long enough to notice an elderly or infirm person in need of a seat.

It's pretty sad.*

Hmmm I wonder why all the middle aged people who claim to have spent most of their childhood standing on buses didn't teach their children to stand. Because it's those people that are raising or have raised the young people of today's generation.

Exactly formerly

And actually if I went to a friends house and their child was sat comfortably I would happily sit on the floor. I have no reason I can't so would no more expect my friend to sit on the floor than I would their child. Just like if someone offered me a seat on a bus I would say no as I don't need it.

So I'll chuck my teddy out my pram on the internet and stamp my feeties in indignation!

Yes, OK then, let's confine ourselves to bland, fence-sitting posts in case expressing an opinion more strongly might upset someone .

Doesn't it ever grow tedious to tie oneself in knots over something that's so insignificant?

There are plenty of more 'significant' discussions you could post on if you're finding this one tedious, expat. I find questions of manners and etiquette fascinating, but I don't expect everyone else to.

Well that's a good question Formerly. Are young adults genuinely unaware that they should stand up for certain people; or has society just become so self absorbed that they just can't be bothered. Or did Neo-liberalism, as someone suggested earlier, lead to many middle aged adults just not training their children to have the kind of manners that were the norm a generation or so ago.

Whatever the reason, many elderly people are now ignored and left to stand on public transport while young fit people hog the seats. That can't be good

I give up my seat to anyone less able to stand than me. So someone who was heavily pregnant or disabled or carrying a young child or someone a lot older than me. I find with men they have to be VERY old otherwise they are offended, as they have been brought up to give their seat to a lady (that's me ).

I find that usually this embarrasses someone younger than me into offering theirs instead.

its not about deference, it's about kindness and courtesy.

One day very soon I shall be old and I will glare at kids in school uniform until they let me sit down. And I won't feel the slightest twinge of guilt.

I'm often fall asleep on a bus. Is that rude?

I wonder why all the middle aged people who claim to have spent most of their childhood standing on buses didn't teach their children to stand.

Many of the people on this thread claiming that are saying that they teach or taught their own children to stand.

user makes a good point about changes in society and neo-liberalism.

Nataleejah only if you snore or dribble on their lapel

To be honest, if my 12 year old had been asked to stand on a bus I would have got up instead. Buses aren't the safest for standing up and so I would have felt better me standing than my child. I suspect thought that the women who asked the girl to stand up didn't realise that she was sitting net to her mum.

I agree with pp

Children shouldn't have to get up any more than adults- I'd always offer my seat but I don't expect my dd11 to get up any more than I do!

In this case I'd be miffed too - by all accounts someone should get up but u don't see why it had to be the 12 year old

"if my 12 year old had been asked to stand on a bus I would have got up instead. Buses aren't the safest for standing up"
12, not 6! When mine were 12 one of them was my height, the other nearly. And they would have been mortified to be seen sitting while I stood.