re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

[user1485342611]

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

Sorry, just read that the woman was also standing. But why didn't she ask an adult to stand instead of a 12 year old?

'Yes young people i.e. school age should give up their seat for any adult looking like they need it whether it's an old person, a pregnant female or a parent with a baby or toddler.'

Why not other adults?

I don't really understand that logic expat. There is a valid reason for saying that a child who is fit and healthy and has only paid half fare should offer their seat to an elderly and frail person. The counter argument doesn't work.

And it's certainly not always someone female who's asked to give up their seat. It just happened to be in this case because she was sitting near the door. I've seen schoolboys being asked to stand in the past.

Maybe the 12yrold was the nearest person to her sounds a busy bus i cant see anybody scouring a busy bus looking for 12yr olds to move.

By that logic, then the man should have stood since he probably wasn't paying fare at all hmm. Big assumption, too, as some bus companies charge full fare at 11+.

I said young persons in my post, and for a reason.

#readingfail

I obviously don't think older or disabled people who may have free travel should give up their seats.

Rather than kicking up a fuss, your friend should be ashamed that someone had to ask her daughter to stand - both my children were brought up to offer their seat to adults and have never questioned it - I am proud of their manners.

the elderly person had a walking stick - so would definately find standing a problem
Of course the 12 year old should have stood up and offered without being asked - sad lack of consideration there.

When I was a child it was just accepted that children stood up first, and then fit and able adults.

Yes, same in my childhood (and I erroneously looked forward to the days children would stand for me).

However, if seated myself, as a fit and able adult, I'd feel a bit 'off' prompting a child to stand up for an elderly person - I'd rather stand up myself and set a good example. (I'd also be wary in case the child had a non-obvious disability/illness).

If standing, I'd just say 'Could anyone offer this gentleman a seat?' and hope to prick some consciences.

I know things have changed. Now the view seems to be that adults make allowances for kids. but kids do not make allowances for adults.

Sorry I misread the OP the woman was already standing

I agree the kid should have given up her seat.

I think your friend is probably embarrassed because her DD had to be asked.

Our children would have automatically stood up to offer the seat. I'm proud of that.

My 12 year old offers his seat to anyone who looks like they could do with it more. Kids travel for free on London buses too!

Whatever happened to good manners and respecting the elderly?

My mum used to say to me 'that could be your granddad you know'. It did take me a little while to figure out that she was genuinely confused about her own dad's identity.

A 12 year old isn't a small child who might fall over! My 12 year old is adult height and I would be very upset if she didn't realize she needed to stand for an elderly man with a stick.

What did your friend's daughter actually do, OP?

Did she stand up? Did your friend say whether her daughter felt aggrieved at being asked?

If your friend was that bothered about her little flower having to stand, why didn't she stand up herself?

I agree with Customary.

I agree that asking if anyone in the vicinity can give up their seat is better than picking on individuals. Young people can have invisible disabilities/mobility issues too, and might not be able to stand, or be assertive enough to explain why they need the seat to a stranger.

This isn't the case for OPs friend's DD, though, so it would have been polite of her to offer her seat to the elderly man. I do think that young people who are capable of standing should offer seats to elderly people or others in need, but that's something I was taught as a child myself - it just seems rude not to. Then again, at 30 I'll still offer a seat if someone needs it, so maybe it's more of a general courtesy issue than being specific to young people.

If your friend had such a problem why didn't she stand and let her daughter sit?

It's sad that someone who was standing had to ask for a seat for someone who is visibly disabled - in fact every able bodied person on the bus over 10 should be ashamed that that had to happen!

What did your friend's daughter actually do, OP?

The original post tells you the answer to that.

It's a matter of respect. Sadly in short supply in the mememe society.

The original post tells you the answer to that

So it does.

How does she feel about it though?

The last time my DD offered an elderly gentleman her seat, he said "thank you, what a kind young man you are" DD was not happy