re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

[user1485342611]

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

I make my (Nearly) 3 year old stand If someone who needs the seat gets on the bus, providing i'm already standing, he can stand with me. I hope he learns that if someone in need gets on the bus he should offer his seat, not because he's a child and he doesn't deserve the seat but because its the right thing to do.

I absolutely do not agree though that all children should offer their seats for able bodied adults.
You get on a full bus, your capable of standing, so stand. I would be mortified if a child thought they had to stand because I deserved their seat more.

Respect should be given by default until a person (of any age) shows they're undeserving of it.

I think a perfectly healthy twelve year old sitting in a seat whilst her mother sulks that an elderly gentleman with a walking stick needs is a seat are two people I think are undeserving of any of my respect.

Some people here don't seem to understand it's possible to have manners and consideration without expecting children to give way for adults.

I think it's outrageous to suggest the current generation of children are entitled. The only entitlement I see here is from adults asserting they are entitled to a child's seat.

The only entitlement I see here is from adults asserting they are entitled to a child's seat.

The man was elderly and uses a walking stick. How much more entitled to a seat do you think he needs to be before the twelve year old gets off her lazy arse and lets him sit down?

So at thleast age of 12 you would have sat while your parents stood? Blimey!

We travelled to Germany recently and were on a packed train on a long journey. I stood so that my 12 year old could sit down. I was happy to do so. I'm more capable of standing and holding on without being thrown around and squished between other adults than she is. She's a small 12 year old if that matters.

I'd better be careful that she doesn't turn into a selfish, disrespectful, rude and entitled child...

The man was elderly and uses a walking stick. How much more entitled to a seat do you think he needs to be before the twelve year old gets off her lazy arse and lets him sit down?

Why didn't any of the other adults get of their lazy arses I wonder?

I am so behind the times. Or something. At 40 I sometimes give up my seat to children as I feel I am more able to deal with drivers slamming on their breaks and other manoeuvres. But I also do it on trains. I am talking about younger kids, up to teenager age I suppose. It would never have occured to me that a child should give up their seat just because I am an adult. I work in the disability sector and meet a lot of people who are disabled but are not using a wheelchair or sticks.

It's different if there is an older person or a pregnant woman or someone with mobility issues but I have to confess that when on public transport I am often not people watching to see who is getting on - I am reading or on my phone so might need prompted.

I think it would be bad to tell a child to get up merely because they are a child but I think asking them, if they are able, to give the seat up as they are the nearest would be ok. But I wouldn't bypass adults to get to the child to ask them.

Why didn't any of the other adults get of their lazy arses I wonder?

You mean like the twelve year olds mother?

You mean like the twelve year olds mother?

Yes. Agree with you there. If it had been me on a bus with my 12 year old, I would have jumped up myself to let him sit down.

Sorry a year 7, school aged girl is the one being asked to give up her seat and the people of MN think is awful she hasn't been taught to do this automatically ages ago. Goodness
Perhaps at 14/15. Come on, the DD mum or another adult could have stood up. Why should a 12 year old expect to have better manners than them.
I forget that MN has perfect children with beautiful manners 100% of the time

And tbh this goes on everywhere. 8 months pregnant in London on the tube... not a single person offered me a seat, expect one man who was standing who looked so ashamed and offered me his space as it had more room.
I agree children should be taught but at the same time understand they are still children and this was probably her lesson. She will (hopefully) always offer her seat in future. Job done.
The mother is BU

I get the feeling that the mother is pissed off that her daughter was asked rather than an adult.

Perhaps if they had been sitting together the mother might have prompted the daughter?

Of course the daughter might have been sitting in a priority seat in which case I wonder what was said?

Children should always give up their seats for adults, especially on public transport. Children have a natural sense of balance that is far superior to adults', as observed on the ski slopes.

Maybe all the fit healthy adults should set a good example?

LadyLanguish what a sweeping generalisation. Not all kids have a natural sense of balance.

"You mean like the twelve year olds mother?

Yes. Agree with you there. If it had been me on a bus with my 12 year old, I would have jumped up myself to let him sit down."

And leave a 12 year old sitting?

OP, your friend should feel embarrassed that her daughter did not know - or had not been taught - what constitutes good manners.

When my daughter was 12 I would have stood and let her sit. That was because she was knocked down by a car outside school just after her 12th birthday. When the plaster came off she looked fine but 15 years on she still has pain from her broken knee joint and that was alot worse when she was 12.

Of course she looked fine and you would have just thought she was a healthy 12 year old taking a seat.

"Helloitsme87

Sorry a year 7, school aged girl is the one being asked to give up her seat and the people of MN think is awful she hasn't been taught to do this automatically ages ago. Goodness
Perhaps at 14/15. Come on, the DD mum or another adult could have stood up. Why should a 12 year old expect to have better manners than them.
I forget that MN has perfect children with beautiful manners 100% of the time hmm"

How ridiculous! Of course the 12 year should have vacated her seat. She should stand up and not expect an adult to do so.
Clearly some parents neglect to teach their children proper manners.

We always get this line about the child having suffered some sort of injury so unable to stand blah blah. I don't buy it.

Surely manners are taught from a young age by the parents. Although in this case, it seems not.
These also seem like the sort of people to be outraged if in the same circumstance their own parents/grandparents weren't offered a seat.

I have always taught my DS to stand up for any adult on public transport, what irritates me is when adults say to a healthy, strapping teenager, 'no it's alright, I can stand'.

In fact my 80+ year old mother did this recently, a middle aged man stood up for her and she said she was OK to stand - I bossily intervened and she did accept his seat.

So yes, I do think, unless there are specific health related circumstances, children should stand up for adults.

I don't think anyone on here is arguing that children should stand up for any adult on the bus.
In my opinion they should definitely stand for elderly, disabled or pregnant passengers. It would also be nice if they occasionally offered their seat to middle aged women. We always did this as children.

I agree young adults should also offer their seats to older passengers, pregnant women etc. instead of sitting scrolling through their phones and ignoring them. Likewise, parents should take small kids on their laps when the bus starts filling up. It is really annoying to see a couple with two young children taking up four seats on a crowded bus or train, when they could so easily free up two seats.

CaraAspen, do you want the hospital reports, the legal papers, the xrays? Obviously accidents or illnesses happen, if you have never had it happen then I am happy for you. Wouldn't wish it on anyone.

This is some social convention I knew nothing about. Totally yes to giving up seats to older people, disabled or pregnant. What age is this supposed to work in? I have missed at least 22 years of not getting a seat on a bus or a train and actually giving them up to kids which was clearly the wrong way round.

What age is it supposed to kick in - 5 or 8? Younger or older? What age does it stop? 16 or 18? How does one even ask? What is the form of words - "Excuse me child, I am an adult therefore that seat should be for me?" or what?