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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

347 replies

user1485342611 · 25/01/2017 15:25

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 25/01/2017 19:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theyhaveallbeenused2 · 25/01/2017 19:52

The mum.is being ridiculous. I was giving up my seat for adults unprompted by 12.

auntyhiro · 25/01/2017 19:53

Yes, children are sub human and should know their place. Acts of humiliation like this teach them whats whats.

Maybe next time she'll get to the back of the bus and won't have this problem
Hmm

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/01/2017 19:57

Sub-human? Acts of humiliation? Seriously? Are you always this prone to hysterical overreaction?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/01/2017 19:58

Are you comparing what happened with the racial segregation in the US? Now THAT is offensive

SplendorSolis · 25/01/2017 20:01

It was just common courtesy when I was growing up and when my dc were, elderly/disabled/pregnant/burdened adult requires a seat: able-bodied child stands or, if still too small and unsteady to stand unaided, perches on parent's lap. This whole business of sexist/reverse ageist is ridiculously ott, stop it, as was the mum's reaction in this case. My kids by age 7-8 would have stood unprompted and if not I certainly would have made them, at 12 there'd be a talk from me once home to reinforce good manners if I'd had to prompt them.

madein1995 · 25/01/2017 20:06

I think the woman who asked the dd to move should have offered her seat if she were that bothered. Yes it is good manners, and I offer up my seat, and would encourage my children to do the same. But there is no reason why the child specifically should have had to get up - what about all the adults who were sitting? It seems to me that the woman on the bus felt bad enough to sugest the old person got a seat but entitled enough to pick on a child rather than offering up her own seat.

I also hate the view that children are second class citezens. Why should they either sit on a lap or stand? What's wrong with the other adults standing up and letting the old/pregnant etc person sit down? Why are those adults so precious they need a child to do it instead? I've also seen on here suggestions that children should stand to give ANY adult a seat, even if not old/pregnant/disabled or similar, which really takes the biscuit. Why should they have to? Also more dangerous for a child to stand than an adult. And for posters saying over the age of 7 it's perfectly safe - Ok, then why don't the other adults or YOU stand and let the bloody kid sit down?

brasty · 25/01/2017 20:10

Comparing expecting kids to stand up for adults on buses, with Jim Crow laws is incredibly offensive and racist

TheCustomaryMethod · 25/01/2017 20:10

"I think the woman who asked the dd to move should have offered her seat if she were that bothered."

The woman was standing up too!

3rd time I've pointed that one out Grin

From OP

No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd ...

(My italics)

bumsexatthebingo · 25/01/2017 20:10

The woman who asked the girl to move was standing. The girls mm should have give her daughter a set if she was so incensed at her being asked to stand.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/01/2017 20:13

brasty I'm glad I'm not the only one who was offended by such a cuntish comment

FrancisCrawford · 25/01/2017 20:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

jackbuzz · 25/01/2017 20:18

My mom always told us growing up that we needed to stand if an adult needed a seat, I now do this with my children. But must say I was a little annoyed when I had asked my daughter to move to let a lady sit down and she didn't even say thank you to my daughter, manners don't cost anything

WishIhadtheWherewithal · 25/01/2017 20:29

Comparing expecting kids to stand up for adults on buses, with Jim Crow laws is incredibly offensive and racist

And an inaccurate comparison - in time, children will grow to be adults, they won't be forever expected to stand.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 25/01/2017 20:32

This is what happens - people go too far with the hysterical statements. A child standing up on a bus is not comparable with actual humiliation and being treated as 'sub-human'.

Perhaps read up on race relations in places like USA and South Africa before comparing the two.

madein1995 · 25/01/2017 20:36

Oops, my mistake! All the same though, she could have asked someone else to move? In all honesty I'm shocked the adult (parent of the child) didn't move themselves, and that others sitting didn't. My parents wouldn't have made me stand on the say so of some stranger - but would have stood up themself in that situation

BertrandRussell · 25/01/2017 20:46

"My parents wouldn't have made me stand on the say so of some stranger - but would have stood up themself in that situation"

So at thleast age of 12 you would have sat while your parents stood? Blimey!

FrancisCrawford · 25/01/2017 20:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WeirdnessOfDoom · 25/01/2017 21:06

It used to be normal when I was a kid to give up the seat to somebody needing it more.I hardly ever sat on public transport.

DiggoryDiggoryDelvet · 25/01/2017 21:11

Obviously we can't know one way or the other, but it's quite possible the 12-year-old was the only person sitting in the priority seats who was not elderly/pregnant/visibly disabled. Where I live it's not uncommon for the entire front of certain buses at certain times of the day to be all elderly people.

TheCustomaryMethod · 25/01/2017 21:15

It used to be normal when I was a kid to give up the seat to somebody needing it more.I hardly ever sat on public transport.

Yes - I remember when I had a broken arm in an awkward plaster cast when I was nine, and my mum said I'd better stay sitting down on the bus when it filled up - it felt weird and embarrassing to be seated when adults were standing, even though the reason for it was obvious.

Nataleejah · 26/01/2017 05:37

I personaly noticed that people huffing about the bad manners are the most obnoxious and rude.

FairModerateGood · 26/01/2017 05:57

What has the world come to?

Caprianna · 26/01/2017 06:45

Of course you should give your seat, but a child does not have less of a right to a seat than other able bodied non pregnant adults. Maybe the 12 year old had period pains or felt unwell. You should never target anyone in particulat to give their seat but ask generally. I am so often turned down when offering my seat now i rarely bother actively asking unless the person is 100 years old, baby onboard or on crutches....

Sirzy · 26/01/2017 06:56

Part of the problem here seems to be so many people look for an excuse why other people should be standing up before they do rather than people simply seeing someone who needs a seat and offering.

I don't look around and analyse the age, or "ability" of others and therefore decide they should stand before me. If I see someone who needs the seat I offer them mine.