re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

[user1485342611]

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

Yes some of us are arguing that children should stand up for any adult.

"grannytomine

CaraAspen, do you want the hospital reports, the legal papers, the xrays? Obviously accidents or illnesses happen, if you have never had it happen then I am happy for you. Wouldn't wish it on anyone."

I was making a general point. Some people who have no direct experience will use what I have suggested, as part of the general argy bargy.

That child should have stood and offered the man the seat without being prompted. At that age, if I hadn't bounded out of my seat to offer it to someone who needed it more, my mother would have pulled me out of the seat by my ear. And given me a telling off into the bargain.

But my mother had some very definite ideas about seating in vehicles. Things like "children do not ride in the front if that would mean adults in the back" have stuck with me, to the point where my aunt offered me shotgun in the car last month and I hadn't even considered that! I automatically parroted that line, children do not right in the front if that would mean adults in the back" and she cracked up and said "you know you're an adult too now, right?" (I'm 32).

Yes some of us are arguing that children should stand up for any adult.

Why? I've heard many arguments about this over the years, but none that has made it clear to me what people base their firm belief that children should always stand so any adult can sit on.

"brasty

Yes some of us are arguing that children should stand up for any adult."

It is merely common courtesy.

And if adults cannot see that it is good manners, perhaps they should do a crash course in manners and teach their children the basic decencies?

Yep. Adults get first dibs on the front seat of cars as well. Car sickness sufferers excepted, of course.

Well when I was 12 I looked about 10 and was incredibly shy and wouldn't have been able to offer my seat for fear of eye contact.
I'm talking about the perfect MN who all teach their 12 year old children to do this.... yet in my experience, when heavily pregnant or had a babe in arms, I was never offered a seat on crowded public transport.
I don't believe a 12 year old should be the ONLY one expected to give up their seat. Perhaps a few of those sitting should have all jumped up.

teach their children the basic decencies?

I cant find why this is though. I am genuinely confused here as I have never heard of it. In other countries the debate is about adults giving up seats for children (similarly, cant find reasons why). Why do healthy adults have seat entitlement over healthy children. Does a 15 year old give up their seat for a 19 year old? Help me out - have never heard of this and am confused.

I'm thinking that if the child was in a priority seat & needed it then the mother would have let it be known in no uncertain terms.

If someone is in a priority seat & you need one, is it acceptable to ask them if they need it?

"You mean like the twelve year olds mother?

Yes. Agree with you there. If it had been me on a bus with my 12 year old, I would have jumped up myself to let him sit down."

And leave a 12 year old sitting?

Er, yes, why not? I'm not more worthy of a seat than my 12 year old child. Why would I be?

I would hop up, offer my seat, help out someone who needed to sit down while simultaneously setting a good example to my child. I wouldn't force my child to stand up for another adult and continue to sit myself. Again, why on Earth would I?

It's not 1950 anymore where adults were of the 'children should be seen and not heard' attitude. Thank god.

Some people here don't seem to understand it's possible to have manners and consideration without expecting children to give way for adults.

This.

I have always taught my DS to stand up for any adult on public transport, what irritates me is when adults say to a healthy, strapping teenager, 'no it's alright, I can stand'

Why the fuck would it irritate you? On the odd occasion someone has offered their seat to me, I am actually mortified and wouldn't dream of taking it. I recognise it's kind of them but I would feel awkward about taking it.

Maybe all the fit healthy adults should set a good example?

Or maybe mummies of the perfectly healthy special snowflakes who deserve respect could set the example rather than expecting people who are just going about their business to do it?

When words like 'humiliated' are used and a poster compares a child having to stand to Jim Crowe, then you realise some people have lost all sense of perspective

Some people here don't seem to understand it's possible to have manners and consideration without expecting children to give way for adults.

No, adults should give way to children

My cousin always let his son have the front seat in the car and all the adults had to sit crammed in the back, despite one of them suffering from car sickness because his son 'liked' to sit there.

If a NT 12 year old can not stand on a bus, then they must be getting far less exercise than they should. Any NT child should be able to stand on a bus.

If a NT 12 year old can not stand on a bus, then they must be getting far less exercise than they should. Any NT child should be able to stand on a bus.

The same could be said for a NT adult in their 20s/30s/40s/50s.

If you don't want your children to be identified as oiks, teach them to stand up for any adult, anywhere.

"babulya

If you don't want your children to be identified as oiks, teach them to stand up for any adult, anywhere."

Exactly.

*"babulya

If you don't want your children to be identified as oiks, teach them to stand up for any adult, anywhere."

Exactly.*

But why? What is this based on? What is this deference to adults for being adults that is going on here. No-one is explaining why? It just seems to be a thing. And its the complete opposite in other countries where posters on forums are complaining about being bad mouthed for not giving up seats to children.

I would expect any child or teenager to give up a seat to anyone who obviously had some problem standing. A child under 7ish should be moved to someone's lap to let an older person sit down. Mind you a child on a seat doesn't infuriate as much as a shopping bag on a seat!
For those playing at semantics I wouldn't say any adult but anyone apparently over 50 or with a visible problem standing.