re child giving up seat to an elderly person on the bus

[user1485342611]

My friend is furious because her 12 year old daughter was asked by an adult to give up her seat on the bus for an elderly man.

Apparently the bus was full, my friend and her daughter were sitting separately and an elderly man with a walking stick got on. No one stood up so a woman who was standing near the door asked friend's dd if she would give the man her seat, which dd did. My friend is going on about the 'cheek' of 'some stranger' telling her daughter what to do and why didn't she ask another adult etc etc

AIBU to think she's being ridiculous, and her daughter should have stood up without prompting?

I don't think a child should stand up for someone in their twenties. But it would be nice if they offered their seats to women in their forties/fifties. They're not elderly but they do often appreciate a seat more than a child would. I actually don't think most kids even mind standing up. It just doesn't occur to them because they've never been taught to look out for people who might need a seat.

Myself and my sister, along with a load of commuters, had to stand the whole way into work once because a load of boys from the local school were on an outing and taking up all the rush hour seats. The two teachers were standing, but didn't ask any of the boys to stand up to let older people sit down. My sister muttered something to me, one of the teachers obviously overheard, and gave her a dirty look. Great example they were setting.

If you don't want your children to be identified as oiks, teach them to stand up for any adult, anywhere.

Who will identify them as oiks? The 1950s brigade?

Why should a child stand for any adult, anywhere? Why?

BigbyWolf

Its a good question. No-one seems able to say why.

Scottish I'm as baffled as you.

For that matter, why should children be prevented from buying alcohol or cigarettes if they want to? Adults can, so why not children? They have rights too.

Your friend is not BU. A child is just as entitled to sit in their seat as an adult. The woman should have either said nothing at all or asked the whole bus. Or the man himself could have dealt with it by asking the bus.. Picking on a child (who could have just as equally needed the chair as much a the man, the woman wasnt to know) is quite cowardly imo. People are questioning why should an adult have to explain their invisible illness, surely no ones asking them to explain anything other than, im disabled, can i have a seat inthe same way your expecting a child/another adult to say no you cant have my seat as i also have a disability. As an adult, i would much rather stand than let a child stand. Id save my disdain for all the rest of the other selfish arsed adults on the bus who were quite willing to look the other way rather than give up their seat.

To me this sits among a bigger issue of children being at the centre of everything and being entertained 24/7.

The mood has shifted from children being seen and not heard to adults finding it near impossible to have a conversation because darling Hugo keeps butting in and demanding attention.

Children were raised to make way for adults and Know Their Place to demanding a seat from tired commuters on a busy train.

Kids were out playing in the park etc all day over the holidays and now mummy and daddy have to meticulously plan every day with outings and educational trips and make sure DC do not get bored.

Of course not every case is like this, I am generalising but that's the kind if themes I have noticed.

eddiemairswife Well that is an odd comment. Perhaps because they dont have that right and that sales of those items are limited due to risk factors of letting children having them. What are the risk factors of children not giving up a seat on a bus for an adult who is neither disabled or pregnant?

Hmm, what ive noticed is the change from children being non entities with no voice where abuse was rife and accepted (because they are just kids), to a realisation that children are actually humans too and deserving of the same considerations as other humans. Obviously this is a generalisation as well.

Completely baffled as to why some people think children should vacate their seat for a perfectly fit and healthy adult.

I would offer my seat, move my child or if already standing would ask someone else to move if there was no seat for someone who needed it.

Why are adults more entitled to the seat? why, when you are capable of standing, is that not acceptable if a child is sitting? Why go on about 'entitled' children not moving for elderly/pregnant/disabled and then feel 'entitled' to a child's seat? so you got on a full bus, tough luck, you stand in that situation.

It is clearly not just children who have no manners or common decency these days as Iv been 40 weeks pregnant, standing with a 2 year old on a bus and train surrounded by fit and healthy adults who completely blanked us.

Similarly been on full buses with a newborn in a sling and holding 2 year olds hand and again blanked by a bus full of fit and healthy adults, only to be offered a seat by a teenage boy of all people.

I use public transport regularly and have experienced far more problems with adults than any child.

The mood has shifted from children being seen and not heard to adults finding it near impossible to have a conversation because darling Hugo keeps butting in and demanding attention.

Children were raised to make way for adults and Know Their Place to demanding a seat from tired commuters on a busy train.

Kids were out playing in the park etc all day over the holidays and now mummy and daddy have to meticulously plan every day with outings and educational trips and make sure DC do not get bored.

Of course not every case is like this, I am generalising but that's the kind if themes I have noticed.

I actually agree with you on some of this. There definitely are parents who pander to their children's every want and never let them amuse themselves and I find them as irritating as you probably do.

I think that the best way is somewhere in between the two extremes of 'seen and not heard' and pandering to them constantly.

I still don't think children should always have to move out of a seat for an adult though

Op to be fair to the teachers on that school trip if the kids fell or whatever because they were standing it would be an insurance night mare much safer they sat down.

IMO the best way we as adults can ensure that children grow up with manners to do things like give up their seats for those who need them more is to demonstrate the behaviours to them. So if someone needs a seat I get up and offer them mine, I don't sit back and wait for someone else to do it!

I think it's much more fair to have asked all the adults on the bus if anyone can get up than pick on a child. The woman didn't know anything about her and had know right to assume she was the best person for the job. I would much rather stand up rather than my kids as standing is more dangerous and we are supposed to protect our children.

Attitudes to children have changed, they ares seen and not heard any more and I think that's a good thing.

On a more general point as raised on this thread: As for the planning every day out rather than sending them to he park etc how can that be bad? Only a generation ago fathers were distant people who had very little to do with the raising of there own kids, never said I love you, stiff upper lip and all that. Now they are much more hands on and want to spend time with their kids, including going on days out etc. That to me is a good thing.

'But it would be nice if they offered their seats to women in their forties/fifties. They're not elderly but they do often appreciate a seat more than a child would. '

Oh, PLEASE! As a woman closer to 50 than 40, speak for yourself! The level of venom and hate towards children on this thread really speaks for itself.

I teach mine to go to the back or upstairs. But automatically offer up a seat to fit, able-bodies people just because they're 'adults'? Um, no.

On a more general point as raised on this thread: As for the planning every day out rather than sending them to he park etc how can that be bad? Only a generation ago fathers were distant people who had very little to do with the raising of there own kids, never said I love you, stiff upper lip and all that. Now they are much more hands on and want to spend time with their kids, including going on days out etc.That to me is a good thing.

Totally agree with you. We're guilty of planning most of our weekends and doing things/going on days out with our children. My Dh has always been a fantastic hands on dad who spends loads of time with our dds. A far cry from my mum's father who, she tells me, barely spoke to my mum as a child unless he was telling her to do something. He certainly never told her he loved her. She was born in 1950. How sad is that?

I have taught mine to stand for adults. And to sit in the back of a car if there is an adult present. And to hoover and cook. And to entertain themselves some of the time. And to be able to stay at home alone and go out alone. And to make polite conversation even if they feel shy. I do make their packed lunches, though.................

Iv been 40 weeks pregnant, standing with a 2 year old on a bus and train surrounded by fit and healthy adults who completely blanked us.

Oiks, the lot of them. Is it any wonder the country's in the state it's in?

WinterWinds001

You've said in the same post:

Completely baffled as to why some people think children should vacate their seat for a perfectly fit and healthy adult.

and

as Iv been 40 weeks pregnant, standing with a 2 year old on a bus and train surrounded by fit and healthy adults who completely blanked us.

Don't you think there might be a link between the viewpoint you've expressed and the phenomenon you've experienced?

If those healthy adults who blanked you when pregnant had been taught as children to give up their seats to adults, I very much doubt you'd have been left standing up when you were pregnant.

For that matter, why should children be prevented from buying alcohol or cigarettes if they want to? Adults can, so why not children? They have rights too.

Absolutely, let's give them the vote and let them decide whether or not to go to school.

The madness of mumsnet where deluded people think that to teach chidren respect for others means you hate them. Fortunately, in the rational world drivers and parents make DCs stand up for those who need seats.

'The madness of mumsnet where deluded people think that to teach chidren respect for others means you hate them. Fortunately, in the rational world drivers and parents make DCs stand up for those who need seats.'

Fit, able-bodied people don't need seats more than any other fit, able-bodied person.

"the venom and hatred towards children"

What an obnoxious statement expat. No one has demonstrated venom or hatred towards children, and how dare you post that underneath a quote from one of my posts.

'What an obnoxious statement expat. No one has demonstrated venom or hatred towards children, and how dare you post that underneath a quote from one of my posts.'

Wind your neck in, user1239495u3u5uuy5yy whatever. Get over it and grow a hide, it's not against Talk Guidelines to quote and post, particularly if you find the person's posts ridiculous.

Well I hope it's not against Talk Guidelines to say that your posts are making you sound pretty vile and unpleasant.

The kind of person I wouldn't engage with in RL, so I won't bother on here either.

I'm retired. I still offer my seat to someone who looks tired/pregnant/ill/more frail than I am. Surely it's just common sense and courtesy? I agree that someone standing when a frail person comes on board should make it a general question and ask who'll stand rather than specify a child. But the OP's friend should have done that anyway