To feel uncomortable with this - Mil having bath with DD 4

[BornFreeButinChains]

I cant think why any grown woman would want to get into the bath with a 4 year old

It doesn't matter that its MIl - if my own DM had done this I would be asking her - why.

I think there is a difference between being in the bath and DC coming along wondering what your doing etc. But as a granny if I needed to wash with young dc there its more likely I would forgo my wash until later or have a quick shower.

Maybe I am mad maybe its very common? They feed DC off their own forks in spite of being OTT about dirt and cleanliness - its like a religion for mil - but very happy to feed dc off fork shortly after illness..very smooshy with them kissing on lips - FIl is very very physical with them - lying down on grass in summer with DD on top of him after playing .

FOR THE RECORD if I felt anything else was going on of course I would stop them going but my family are just not this physical...DF would give bear hug at greeting and thats it. I really struggle with it - but keep telling myself its OK they are loving GP - but having a bath with DD?

why> why on earth would you want or need to do that?

YANBU. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions and decisions over what happens with their own children. My 7 year old niece does this with my MIL and frankly it really freaks me out. As many have said, I don't understand the need, and especially not at that age. OH's family is just more like this, and if it were my children, it wouldn't be happening. If anything, it's just good that this thread has shown that all opinions are okay, but parents should have the ultimate say over what goes and what doesn't.

I recall being about 5 and my great aunt constantly grabbing me trying to kiss my face and lifting up my top to blow raspberries on my tummy. I actually remember feeling invaded and harassed and eventually I didn't want to go around there anymore. It wasn't sexual in anyway and I don't think that's why the OP has an issue either. The MIL doesn't respect boundaries. It's the OPs kids and she has the right to not like it.

Fernanie you have made two interesting points there - the sharing of the dead skin cells is something I can get over - it doesn't bother me, but now you have said it - its yet another example of a woman who freaks out about dirt doing something that can be seen as potentially dirty.

Secondly this is also what I feel about the NSPCC pant rule thing trying to teach dc about their bodies etc and boundaries.
On the other hand I can see in warmer climates or people with hot tubs and pools all this probably does seem OTT of me, its context I suppose.

Nice words and important point Oswego.

Can anyone put into words what is wrong with a grandmother being in the bath with her 4yr old gd? I'm genuinely curious.

How would you feel if the FIL did this! Then answer this thread!

But that's not what the thread is about is it? Fwiw if it was grandfather, I'd think it was very unusual (much more unexpected than a grandmother) but if I thought he was not a paedophile then I wouldn't have a prob.

Can anyone put into words what is wrong with a grandmother being in the bath with her 4yr old gd? I'm genuinely curious

No, I can't, and Im a granny 6 times over. But that said Ive never been in the bath with any of mine - but only because we only have showers. I have been in the shower with them loads of time though. If we have sleepovers we all get ready for bed together and that includes everyone in the shower together, if we go camping we share the kids and take them for showers and its everyone in together, if we swim at home we share the kids and get in the shower with how many of them we each have. My eldest grandson who's now 9 does however shower alone through choice, but my eldest granddaughter who's 11 gets in with me, her mum, or her aunty. Oh and when we have sleepovers I cover the floor with mattresses and we all get in together even though there is more than enough bedrooms for everyone.

Long and short of it - nothing anyone has said has me me think we should change our ways as a family.

How would you feel if the FIL did this! Then answer this thread!

the thread isn't about a grandfather.

Sharing a fork - gross, kissing on the lips - unacceptable, bathing with a 4 year old - so many crossed boundaries, I don't know how to comment.

YANBU.

Wow. Loving grandparents enjoy playing with their grandkids. The issue is they are not playing the way you want them to play. You want them to play in the way your family plays. Your family wouldn't play like this. It sounds like you don't think your mil is part of your family.

I've read the thread quickly but it seems you make no mention of how the children feel. If the children are distressed and uncomfortable stop it immediately. If the children are fine then it is your problem and it would be sad to make the children aware and uncomfortable because you are not comfortable with nudity.

I think there is something lovely and relaxed and friendly about family being naked around each other. We all have bodies, no need to cover them up with our nearest and dearest. We've nothing to be ashamed of in our nakedness. Of course they'll reach an age when they don't feel comfy and parents/grandparents should be alert to this.
That's me trying to put into words why I think it is ok.
What you describe MrsPeely sounds lovely.

This would bother me, a lot.

Does DD look uncomfortable or say she doesn't like it? If so it stops, if she uses it as a playtime and is happy then I wouldn't worry.

I'm a bit more about the 'it takes a village to raise a child' though, as long as there are no sex offenders in that village. And maybe having gps with a more relaxed view than yourself will be good for your children.
But as pp have said if your children are fine with it, then why impose your less relaxed views on them? I still haven't seen a good explanation of the prob?

Pendrive - I think DH are pretty normal actually. I EBF dd - and then till she was 3 half - which I guess some may find icky, as previously said - DD will often want to join daddy for his Saturday morning bath, no one bats an eye lid...we do usual tickling, games, cuddling dd to sleep if necessary - I would hardly say we are remote cold people who shudder seeing some one hugging our child.
I kiss both DD on the lips but briefly, and mostly on the cheek. They ride on mine and DH backs in the garden in summer, I am happy for DD to come into bathroom if I am having shower, I am happy to shower with dd's.

But I still feel I respect their bodies and their boundaries. I also think its good they have family who do interact with them but I wish it could be toned down a little and not be soooooo psychical all the time.

I agree with takes a village but not all the villages needs to get naked in the bath to it its just not necessary.

The whole village gets naked in the sauna where I live think you'd have trouble fitting them all in a bath though!

It's odd that GPs are paranoid about cleanliness but share forks and baths. The two dont' go together.
I think that possibly those saying what a good thing it is that DCs are at ease with nakedness, shared bathing and shared forks have a warm and loving relationship with their elder relatives. The OP seems to have an uncomfortable relationship with hers so is unlikely to be so relaxed.

God no yanbu that's bloody weird!! There's no need at all to bathe with Grandchildren!

Yes a whole village might be ott. I wasn't assuming you're a cold fish at all. You sound like the vast majority of people, including me. But my point is, is it worth harming a relationship with loving caring grandparents over something that Dd is not bothered by and probably enjoys. She'll let them know when she's had enough if she's like most children, and then of course you step in if gps don't step back.
But some people in this thread are just so... no way i would allow that.. that I just want to understand a bit more about what is really wrong with it.

Bornfree so it's OK when you show physical affection etc but not your mil and fil?
Again do the children mind?

Is it possible your strained relationship with mil might be making you uncomfortable with their relationship with your children?

YANBU. What zzzz says.