To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

but the underfunding is for both men and women

it hugely relies on charity and volunteer work - that is done by mainly women

why are there not more men working on setting up charities, trying to get more men to work as volunteers. The victims that have suffered from violence from their female partners would probably feel safer around men as they may have issues about trust with women so it makes sense that more men do the ground work

To be fair, the name of the thread actually contradicts you - "[AIBU] to wonder why domestic violence is seen as a women's issue and abused men are often ignored". It is a women's issue. It affects women disproportionately and kills significantly more women. Women self funded refuges and charities to support women because no one else was doing so. If men are ignored it's because no one has yet done the same for men. I'm not surprised that women haven't set up these facilities for men yet, as the pressing need was for women's services.

Men's provision might be lacking but women are DYING for lack of services. If red haired people were DYING from a disease and blondes were catching it but not DYING I would say the resources should be diverted to the red-heads.

If the blondes weren't arseholes they would agree.

Nope. A boring and predictable question (sexist?) but I' a female MRA. Also WRA and TRA... egalitarian, you could call it

You say potato. So its even worse, a female MRA!

That male victims of DV are not adequately provisioned for and that more needs to be done

I don't know whether they are adequately provisioned for, its not my area. Does more need to be done? I don't know, but my point, yet again, is that if more needs to be done, why are men not doing it?
Why are you haranguing WOMEN about our interest in mens rights and mens needs? If you really are interested in provision of DV services for men, what are YOU doing about it, other than waffling here?

IT all sounds a bit "waah, we need X and Y, why won't someone hand it to us on a platter"? Get off your arse and do something about it!

And I've spent most of my life in men's or majority male services. As I mentioned.

The same as the OP and numerous others, this was to discuss the under-provision of DV resources for men

What's to discuss? Several posters have said that where there is provision, it is under used. If that's not the case and more centres need to be set up. Great!

No one is saying that shouldn't be the case.

why are there not more men working on setting up charities, trying to get more men to work as volunteers. The victims that have suffered from violence from their female partners would probably feel safer around men as they may have issues about trust with women so it makes sense that more men do the ground work

I agree. Thanks for replying to the OP.

why are there not more men working on setting up charities, trying to get more men to work as volunteers.

An intelligent question I wish had been asked and answered on this thread.

@MrsTerryPratchett - but fuck the gingers. I'm a brunette so only care about brunettes.

So its even worse, a female MRA!

Yep. A woman who believes in mens rights. What a cunt!

I'm worried that if I said exactly what I think about you the rest of my post would be deleted. Considering how frequently your posts are deleted on MN, I wish you'd take the hint and delete yourself.

abbrev = SansComic!

I posted a link about a year ago referencing a Woman's Hour interview with the Director of the Tavistock Clinic which was about the problems men faced in relationships and the failure in general to give any credence or support to men in troubled relationships. The response on here was negative and I felt chased off the thread.
I think it is hard for this kind of issue involving men to get a fair hearing and reasonable discussion on MN.

In any kind of service, providers will try to ensure the best possible provision to the most amount of people, in the most need. Times are hard, resources are scarce, we are now in the situation where a UK city has no refuges for women (Sunderland). The most benefit in terms of lives saved/harm reduction is in providing services for women. The best use of scarce resources is in providing services for women.

I'm another one who says if men need it, they are the ones who need to set it up. Only men who have been through DV will know exactly what kind of services they need. If things need to be done, they need to organise, fundraise, lobby MP's etc themselves.

@dangermouse

What would you say to a man if you were told the reverse of if men need it, they are the ones who need to set it up. Only men who have been through DV will know exactly what kind of services they need. If things need to be done, they need to organise, fundraise, lobby MP's etc themselves.?

…and I think anything pleading about men's experience is, realistically, going to get short shrift on mumsnet. I think you'll find a higher proportion of women on here than in the general population who have been through some sort of abusive relationship with men, or been completely screwed over by a man. Many of us came here through looking for support through those kind of experiences. A more sympathetic hearing may be found elsewhere, wherever that may be.

abbrev or SansComic or whatever you're name-changing to... are you going to address how fatal DV is to women? Or just suggest that people you don't agree with delete themselves? Which sounds vaguely threatening BTW.

I would have thought my decades of work keeping men off the streets and safe would have pleased you. Maybe there's no pleasing some people.

well, women have already DONE it sanscomic

And it is generally accepted in any service provision that the best ones are 'user led' rather than imposed from the top down.

What would you say to a man if you were told the reverse of if men need it, they are the ones who need to set it up. Only men who have been through DV will know exactly what kind of services they need. If things need to be done, they need to organise, fundraise, lobby MP's etc themselves.?

They were told that. They did do that.

your reverse question is exactly what women have had to do and are still having to do

…and as a former political activist if I felt that something was lacking, yes, I would try and campaign for it myself, as I have done in the past!

this was to discuss the under-provision of DV resources for men

We don't know there is an under provision, you've just stated that as a fact with no back up?

What would you say to a man if you were told the reverse of ^ if men need it, they are the ones who need to set it up. Only men who have been through DV will know exactly what kind of services they need. If things need to be done, they need to organise, fundraise, lobby MP's etc themselves

We've been told that for over 50 years. And we DID organise, fundraise, lobby etc ourselves. And still do.

You haven't yet told us why men can't do this, and why you expect women to do it for them?

…and I think anything pleading about men's experience is, realistically, going to get short shrift on mumsnet.

So, so true. I think that this is what I've been trying to say.

I'll say again,

"This thread didn't seem to be about wanting things as opposed to acknowledgement and beginning a conversation about male victims although, as has been made clear, "we only care about women [on MN]".

@MrsTerryPratchett

abbrev or SansComic or whatever you're name-changing to...

immature and pointless as there was no attempt at deception, was there?

are you going to address how fatal DV is to women?

It's terrible, disgusting and horrific. Interestingly, all adjectives I've used in previous posts. This thread wasn't about women. Does that make you feel overlooked and insignificant? Most threads here are about women but this wasn't. Are you annoyed that this thread was about men? Are you a lesbian? Remember that women in homosexual relationships are the most vulnerable group. Whilst women may be the class in most danger, men aren't the class most likely to hurt their partners.

As this has become about women, how do women's refuges cope with homosexual relationships? All talk on this thread has been about keeping men away from their victims: very heteronormative!

Or just suggest that people you don't agree with delete themselves? Which sounds vaguely threatening BTW.

I'm sorry. I didn't for a second mean to sound threatening and apologise if that is how it came across.

immature and pointless as there was no attempt at deception, was there? It just the second time recently that an obvious name-changer has had a go at me based on my posting history. Which I don't name-change away from. I think if people want to bring up people's posting histories, the least they could do is make their own available...

Thanks for apologizing. Big of you (not sarcastic BTW).

SansComic- what do you want to happen?

If you want more to be done for male victims of DV, no one is stopping you.

Women did it, you can too with the help of Womens Aid and Rape Crisis. Which you would know existed if you ever did anything more than spout off on forums.

If you had come here with a link to your fundraising campaign. women would have donated.

The thread title puts the issue of men as victims in contrast/conflict with women as victims. I know you're not the OP, SansComic (well I guess so), but that was the starting point of the thread. Unsurprisingly people pointed out that the reason it can be perceived as a women's issue is because DV disproportionately affects women and women are killed as a result.

sanscomic womens refuges don't discriminate on sexuality.

And lesbian women aren't the most vulnerable group, you're talking nonsense. Stats for lesbian/bi women are the same as for heterosexual (checked with Stonewall).