To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

The only real exclusion zones are the refuges where women and children only are allowed for safety and security so a woman who is escaping having been terrorised by a man is not likely to bump into one in the corridor.

Comparing this to natural disaster doesn't really work. You wouldn't provide refuge to a victim in a place containing an earthquake/fire/flood to be avoided - you would do your best to get them to a place of safety.

The two situations cannot be compared effectively.

I don't doubt that some men are victims of domestic violence.

But the issue, surely, is that very few men are actually in fear of their lives. How many men are killed by their partners or ex-partners compared with women? Very very few, yet there are several women killed in such circumstances very week in the UK.

Official DV statistics are here'
www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/statistics.htm

30 men a year are murdered as a result of DV; most of them are victims of other men.

IDK where the figures 'one man a week' or' 40% of victims' come from and no one will post sources for those.

"No one has spoken about the type of help 'required' simply that men seem to be under-catered for"

From the OP: 40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men.

From the article that carried the statistic:

"Their plight is largely overlooked by the media, in official reports and in government policy, for example in the provision of refuge places – 7,500 for females in England and Wales but only 60 for men."

Existence of women's refuges deliberately compared to men's, without any context showing why and how they were set up, who funds them or wider analysis of the 40% statistic.

It would be more relevant to explain why the 60 refuge places aren't adequate.

comparing men's and women's refuges isn't comparing like with like. Do men actually need refuges or do they need other services? Do they need to bring children with them? Are they in same sex relationships?

Shelters are exclusion zones for the simple reason that violent men hunt down and murder the partners that dare to leave them.
If they cant do it themselves they use another man or woman to do it.

Its sad that the people posting here 'in defense of men' keep refusing to look at the facts. They are not doing male victims any service at all.
There are women here doing more for male victims than them.

Women do support mens services. We give practical support.
Women pay for the services used by women more than the taxpayer.
Men need to do more to fundraise, and tackle male violence

Men need to do more to fundraise, and tackle male violence

If for no other reason than that practically, the people who allocate funds in government, the police, social services etc. etc. are more likely to be men.

The police and social services are likely to be men? There's more women on my team then men, and I've met one male social worker in my entire career!

From professional experience DV is very much gendered. Domestic abuse not so much. What really hasn't helped is the broad definition of what constitutes a "domestic" That's why I'd never trust any stats

*Its sad that the people posting here 'in defense of men' keep refusing to look at the facts. They are not doing male victims any service at all.
There are women here doing more for male victims than them.

Women do support mens services. We give practical support.
Women pay for the services used by women more than the taxpayer.
Men need to do more to fundraise, and tackle male violence*

Well said.

I said it somewhere upthread and will repeat it here - there are huge differences between male and female perpetrated dva. Huge differences. And therefore the support that male victims require is massively different than the support that female victims need.

Yes, support for male victims of dva is lacking. No one has denied that. There's a lack of support across the board, women's refuges are being forced to close due to lack of funding. But demanding male refuges because women have them too is not the answer. People need to start by recognising that male victims need support tailored to their needs.

(and, once again - mensadviceline.org.uk )

Sorry, I wasn't clear.

People allocating funds to social services and the police are more likely to be men - e.g. the current minister in charge of that department, the chancellor of the exchequer.

"Oh come on Op.

1. There is a very real anatomical difference between men and women. It the vast majority of cases men are taller than the female partners, broader and stronger. They are therefore able to do more damage. A lot more damage.

1. Women and children generally come as a package. The rights and wrongs of that can be debated, but it's a fact. Hence the importance of protecting women because they are invariable with their off spring.

1. Read the news on any given day on any given country. Find a disturbing story. Whether it's a mugging, a rape, a violent burglary. The chances are, a man has committed it. 92% of provision inmates in this country are.... men.

So really, do I need to go on?"

I really do have to agree with the above. I am in no way disputing the fact that men are also victims of domestic abuse or the seriousness with which that fact should be treated.

I was, however, surprised with the figures, stating that 40% of victims are male. I find that quite hard to believe and would need to investigate further. There are, after all, lies, damned lies and ........ statistics

Trust me, I'm an accountant and I can make the figures what you want them to be .... within reason, of course.

Having read this thread I'm shocked at the responses.

It doesn't matter whether victim of DA is female or male they still need support and help to get out of their situations. Yes men do need more help in the way of shelters.

If most of these responses were to a women on here claiming to have been abused you would all be shouting about victim blaming which is what you are doing here.

And yes I may be biased as my brother was a victim of DA by his exwife. And no he didn't do anything other then leave her when he found her in bed with her male friend.

When he came home he was covered in bruises and bite marks from her and I wish to god he had gone to the police about, but he wouldn't because like most men in that situation he believed the police wouldn't believe him.

And what are you proposing women do about male victims? Why is the onus on women to change this rather than on men who hold the purse strings and the power to change things?

20-25 years ago a men's refuge was set up in a neighbouring area. LA money was diverted from women's support to fund this in response to 'unfairness' claims (despite women's services being set up by fund raising and not local authority money). It closed due to lack of demand, despite advertising and being willing to take men from outside the area. Women's refuges were turning women and children away due to lack of capacity.

On a more trivial level I've been involved in setting up online communities for men - often in response to 'its not fair' accusations against an active successful women's community. Each time, within a short period the tumbleweed is rolling through. If men don't want to engage with each other then I'm not sure why this is the fault of women. I can provide moral support for men who want to educate and mentor their juniors to be more communicative, empathetic, respectful and collaborative to others but I can't make them do it.

My brother was a victim of domestic abuse, I think he may also have been physically attacked but he never disclosed this. I felt desperately sorry for him at the time and he has lived with the repercussions ever since, but at no time would a refuge have been of use to him. He would never in a million years have informed the police, in my view very few men would, because of patriarchal assumptions and also because he wouldn't want to bring outside agencies into a situation with kids. At no point did he admit he was being abused, his take on it was that his relationship had problems.

I remain convinced that male refuges are not needed or wanted, but that attitudes need to change, and I'm not sure what women alone can do about that.

On a much lighter and indeed hilarious note, google Richard Herring and International Men's Day. Priceless, and a perfect illustration of the perceived 'unfairness' of women's services.

See also Race for Life and all the male only races that have fallen back due to lack of uptake.

@Clutterbug

Very true. As well as the statistics being questioned. Whilst they should be, should that have happened when talking about DV towards women it would be 'missing the point' or being pedantic, misogynist, MRA etc.

Regarding the statistics:

"In terms of injuries, 62% of those injured in domestic violence were women." Archer, J. (2000)

"women are more likely than men to throw something at their partners, as well as slap, kick, bite, punch and hit with an object" Archer, J. (2002)

"Results indicated that women were significantly more likely than their male partners to express physical violence. The authors also report that "measures of partner agreement were high" and that the correlation between past and present violence was low." Ray, N. (1999)

"With regard to current relationships, 11% of men and 5% of women reported being victims of partner aggression." Carrado, M. et al (1996)

@Bibblewanda

"courses in social work are so biased that they put off male trainees and should be considered as intimidating and oppressive to male trainees in the social work field." and "A skewed view which permeates both training and practice is criticised as disabling for male clients and as result benefits no-one. In particular, issues of male victimisation are ignored. "
Gutridge, P. (1995)

In a study, men and women were told a story "“Scarlett and John have been arguing for the past three days. Scarlett has been getting frustrated that John has been spending a lot of money from their joint bank account. The bills are supposed to be paid in two days and John has asked Scarlett to pay more than his half once again. Scarlett and John start arguing and John pushed Scarlett out of the way to leave the room. Scarlett pulls John back and punches him in the face”

"men are far less likely to have reported their crime to either police or a support network. Two-thirds of both intermittent and chronic victims had not" Mirrlees-Black (1999)

“Primary aggressor laws usually result in arrest of the male and ignore research showing 50% of domestic assaults are mutual combat." Carrado et al (1996)

re. the need for refuges for male victims, the original post, according to ManKind.org "On at least 120 occasions in 2010 a caller decided not to consider a refuge or safe house because they were too far away and would mean having to completely uproot their lives, often having to leave their children and their job behind."

"Of those that suffered from partner abuse in 2012/13, 29% of men and 23% of women suffered a physical injury, a higher proportion of men suffering severe bruising or bleeding (6%) and internal injuries or broken bones/teeth (2%) than women (4% and 1% respectively). 30% of men who suffer partner abuse have emotional and mental problems (47% women). Only 27% of men sought medical advice whilst 73% of women did."

That took about 15 minutes. I think there are some shocking statistics there.

Why is the onus on women to change this rather than on men

Who has said that and where?

Nobody is questioning that there are male victims of domestic violence.

However, John Mays, quoted in the article linked to by the OP wants 'equal' provision, not just appropriate provision.

His organisation 'parity', among other things, wants quotas to be used in speech and language therapy hiring (too many women) and thinks local authorities spend too much money on women.

It's a puzzle that with 453 male MPs and so many male board members (about 90% in FTSE companies) men are still such a marginalised group.

However the point of the article is not just that domestic violence against men isn't taken seriously, but that women have the temerity to apparently be taken more seriously.

Of course in order to have equal provision of refuges, you would need equal volunteers and equal charitable donations. That might be a bit of a problem, but then if all you want to do is winge about shelters for women, that doesn't really matter.

Don't just look at the message. Look clearly at the messenger.

@MerryMouse

They have been disputed and minimised throughout the thread. From this page alone:

I remain convinced that male refuges are not needed or wanted seems to be refuted by the stats from mankind.org

I was, however, surprised with the figures, stating that 40% of victims are male. I find that quite hard to believe and would need to investigate further.

IDK where the figures 'one man a week' or' 40% of victims' come from

wider analysis of the 40% statistic.

I don't doubt that some men are victims of domestic violence.

"If all you want to do is whinge about shelters for women, that doesn't really matter"

I still haven't seen anyone do that.

"It's a puzzle that with 453 male MPs and so many male board members (about 90% in FTSE companies) men are still such a marginalised group."

Is it really?

It's also a puzzle that with so much equality legislation and equality of opportunity between the sexes that women can still pretend to be such a marginalised group and aren't better represented in FTSE companies and as Members of Parliament.

Well, I disputed the suggestion that one man a week is killed by his female partner because I don't know where it came from. It is absolutely fine to query statistics- that's what
should be done.

It's also a puzzle that with so much equality legislation and equality of opportunity between the sexes that women can still pretend to be such a marginalised group and aren't better represented in FTSE companies and as Members of Parliament.

I can explain that quite easily. Women are still largely responsible for child care, and equality of provision of maternity leave only happened very recently. It may be decades before men actually care for children equally and employers assume that both men and women are equally responsible for children.

However, your assumption that women actually have equality of opportunity now does give some background to your views.

The 40% statistic still hasn't been explained.

But the issue, surely, is that very few men are actually in fear of their lives
I would disagree, I think its semantics if the woman directly kills the man, or uses abuse to cause him to commit suicide.

They are therefore able to do more damage. A lot more damage
Is this relevant? Picking up an iron and smashing it against someones skull would probably have the same result no matter which sex did it, same with a knife. etc

I remember last year an MP was trying to get a debate on International Men’s Day but the female Labour MP Jess Phillips tried to get it blocked.

So. This one man a week killed by his female partner thing...........

Do you have stats for men committing suicide where domestic abuse by the female partner is the overriding cause?

FWIW - it's 3 women a week that commit suicide to escape domestic abuse. So add it all up. That's 5 women. 5 women a week that die because of domestic abuse.

www.refuge.org.uk/what-we-do/campaigns/takinglives/

"approximately 400 people commit suicide each year who have attended hospital for domestic abuse injuries in the previous six months, 200 of these attend hospital on the day they go on to commit suicide"

Doesn't say which gender though. www.lwa.org.uk/understanding-abuse/statistics.htm