To wonder why domestic violence is seen as a womans issue and abused men are often ignored

[IHaveArrivedAtABadTime]

Not trying to start an argument, am just curious that's all.

40% of domestic violence victims are men yet male victims seemed to be ignored a lot of the time.

Women have shelters and refuges but there seems to be little in place to help abused men. I've just googled help for male dv victims in my city and there's nothing

AIBU to think there should be more help for male victims and we should be working on removing the stigma attached to being a male victim?

stats for men committing suicide where domestic abuse by the female partner is the overriding cause?

Wouldn't that be impossible to measure? The woman is not going to admit she was abusing the man and likely the man hasn't been able to tell anyone its happening.

I remember last year an MP was trying to get a debate on International Men’s Day but the female Labour MP Jess Phillips tried to get it blocked.
Oh my god, get outta here you MRA

Exactly, so we have no idea how large a problem it is. I don't see that there is a societal issue of women driving men to suicide. I think that would be a bit of a stretch. Yes there is a big problem with male suicide but I don't think you can blame women for it.

I think the issue in this thread is that someone came on here, a majority female site, to ask about gendered violence. All services, for men and for women are massively supported by the poorly paid work of women. I've worked in homelessness, recovery, social services and offending for decades, mainly with male clients, and the vast majority of the staff are female. Not the management oddly.

So why not ask your male MPs, male business leaders, male judiciary why there's an issue? Women are doing more than their share of suffering AND working to deal with issues.

Men are free to set up refuges. Go ahead, but stop asking women to sort out everyones problems.

Indeed. Just because women are mothers, it doesn't follow that all women are everyone's mummy.

My brother WAS a victim of DV to a very horrific extent. We actually found support through a local women's charity who were very willing to give us contact details for a male support network in our area who dor reasons unknown do no promotion etc.

They told him that the 60/40 star is a very accurate figure for genuine cases of DV and that they feel they are fighting a losing battle with the attitude that men pretend. There was a campaign not to long ago that tried to highlight this by staging a man attack a women and a women attack a man in public to show the differences in reaction.

After witnessing what DB went through, I find it heartbreaking that attitudes that denounce male victims still prevail.

Most women who are abused by male partners get no support from any organisation.
I am willing to accept it may be a 40/60 split for less physical DV. But it is women largely who are killed by male partners.
Also many many women never tell anyone they have experienced DV. There is actually research to show that when men report DV to police they do it sooner and for less serious incidents than women do.

Also many many women never tell anyone they have experienced DV. There is actually research to show that when men report DV to police they do it sooner and for less serious incidents than women do.

I've been victim of DV and never reported it. Wasn't too far in that I couldn't escape, so I left. I actually called the police on the last occasion and then couldn't face going through it all (and what he'd do) so didn't tell them who it was. He'd already claimed his violence and agression was "self-defence", he really seemed to believe it too. I suppose it was "defence of the ego" or something...

Actually I knew a man who was being controlled and sometimes treated violently (and very frequently aggressively) by his female partner. Interestingly, it was the women who were concerned and the men just turned a blind eye.

And many DV agencies do now offer support to men. In fact I have read about DV projects for men closing as there was not enough uptake. I think that is because the women who go to refuges go because they have no other choice. Most simply leave, or go to family or friends. And I assume it is the same with most men too.

There was a campaign not to long ago that tried to highlight this by staging a man attack a women and a women attack a man in public to show the differences in reaction.

I remember this. It was quite shocking.

Do you think there would have been a difference in reactions if the man was physically smaller than the woman? i.e. that people intervene if they see someone who looks like they are physically weaker being attacked by a stronger person rather than based on what sex the people are.

Was it an actual campaign or one of those experiments people do for TV shows or video clips?

"They told him that the 60/40 star is a very accurate figure for genuine cases of DV and that they feel they are fighting a losing battle with the attitude that men pretend."

Really? What organization said that?

The 60/40 statistic may be real ( I imagine it is), but without more detail of what it measures it isn't very useful.

As posted above, not all victims of domestic violence go to refuges and people generally need refuges because they are homeless, particularly with children and need protection from very violent partners.

A refuge is a place of last resort.

The 60/40 statistic has now been revised as the Crime Survey now counts sexual violence (for the first time last year) and it is no longer the official ONS statistic. It is 31/69.

Plus there are many other reasons why the statistics are misleading. They are explained in some of the links people have posted above.

Sorry 69/31 to be consistent.

@brasty

Men are free to set up refuges. Go ahead, but stop asking women to sort out everyone's problems.

When were they asked to do so?

There is actually research to show that when men report DV to police they do it sooner and for less serious incidents than women do.

The statistics I cited showed the opposite. What alternative actual research are you quoting?

@MrsTerryPratchett

So why not ask your male MPs, male business leaders, male judiciary why there's an issue?

This is a discussion forum. It wouldn't exist if everyone who posted in AIBU was pointed in the direction of a professional who could enact change.

I think the issue in this thread is that someone came on here, a majority female site, to ask about gendered violence

As in, women don't care about male issues? I don't see how your comment could be taken any other way.

There have been many mocking "but what about us men"s, but many, many posters have written nothing but longer versions of "what about us women".

What reply do you want Comic? you seem to be sitting waiting to shoot down whatever is said. Leaving thread now as this is GFery.

A few years ago in Northern Ireland a community worker was interviewed on the radio about funding for community projects.
He was complaining that the "other" community got a lot more funding for various projects.
When it was pointed out to him that the funding was available to both sides of the community but had to be accessed through officially recognised groups he replied that this wasn't fair and asked why do "them ones" (in the other community) have all the self help groups anyway??

So the question should be why have all these male victims of domestic violence not come together to form their own self help groups instead of complaining about women who have felt so strongly about the issue and decided to do something about it.
Take women out of the equation and discuss why men don't see the need to help other men.

*There have been many mocking "but what about us men"s, but many, many posters have written nothing but longer versions of "what about us women"&

Because that is what we care about. Men and women are not equal in society, we need to work for women.

Your stupid argument is basically the same as when people complain about BlackLivesMatter and want to know what they are doing for the white folks.

"Because that is what we care about."

Clearly and sadly true.

I hope to hell you're never on the receiving end of such sexism.

"Because that is what we care about."

Clearly and sadly true.

I hope to hell you're never on the receiving end of such sexism.

Sadly true? Women caring about other women is sad to you? Women volunteering in the area of DV, raising money, manning helplines is sad to you?
I'm sad FOR you, if you have such bizarre notions.

I hope to hell you're never on the receiving end of such sexism

Funny. As a woman, I've obviously never been on the recieving end of such sexism.
Women caring for women is not sexist to men, its necessary because of the widespread and endemic sexism from men.

Are you truly saying that women who are working hard to make the world better for women are sexist and should be working to help men instead?

Women's groups are the ones who have set it up women's refuges through their own voluntary work.

How on earth is it sexist to suggest men do the same?

Telling women to stop doing work for women and started doing it for men because the men don't want to do it, is the very definition of sexism.