Honestly do you judge teen mothers?

[Willialwaysbelookeddownon]

I had my first son a month before I turned 17, and despite really trying at mum and baby groups I was always shut out of conversations and never taken seriously. I was lucky that I wasn't dropped by any of my friends but they never had children of their own and I was quite often isolated.
I am now engaged, pursued the career I wanted and have another DS.
A girl on our road is pregnant at 16 and my heart very much goes out to her. She's seem so very lonely.
So my question is, do you judge young mums? Would you be less inclined to speak to a mum at a mother/baby group because they were say 16?

No,but I know it goes on
Lassie at my baby group 18,the hv asked if she was the nanny!
In fairness all us other mums were 30something.so some were double her age

Good God no. I've got a teen dd myself. I don't know her future holds.

I have judged. A girl at my school was pregnant at 16 or 17 and didn't know who the father was (apparently). I judged a lot then.

Now - no I wouldn't. I would judge anyone who was a shitty parent but although I might be surprised I wouldn't judge.

Teen mums is quite wide in terms of label.
If it was a 13 or 14 year old I would think why have they been allowed to be abused and who was taking care of them to allow them into that position. So yes I would be judging.
But for older teens I just think bloody hell it is hard being a mum at any age.

I have to add teen mum worked in nursery she was most savvy of us all
Hv eventually gave her a steer to groups for younger mums
She was included but she was also v gregarious so found easy to approach folk

No, not in any different way than I judge other mothers, I mean I judge everyone, not in a nasty way of course.

There's been a few I've come across in baby groups, just talked to them as normal. I mean they had kids young they're not aliens! They've all just been normal, maybe a little quieter. But I was often quieter around 'proper adults' when in was a teenager.

Looking back some other parents didn't know how to approach them I think, but I was already considered young for my area at 23, so I think we probably gravitated towards each other as closest in age anyway.

I'm mid 20s and wouldn't judge anyone on their age, but I'm very shy so think everyone wouldn't be interested in talking to me

RogueStar that's interesting that you think 'why did they make that choice?' Imagine if every time you got on a bus someone thought, 'oh god why didn't she abort?'
I think that's what is so hard about having a baby as a teen, people appear to assume that aborting or giving a baby up for adoption is a much less traumatic experience than it would be for any other mum

No I wouldn't judge any mothers by their age. I work with some amazing young mums.

I wouldn't judge.
But am well aware that others do.
I'm 22 but look a hell of a lot younger! I have a 21 month old and a 13 week old, and I always get funny looks from people at toddler groups!
I went to an information meeting with the welfare team on my dh's RAF base before he deployed and was asked if it was my dad who was deploying

To those saying "I wouldn't know what to say to a teenager"/"we wouldn't have anything in common"/"they wouldn't want to talk to somebody as old and boring as me", I'm sure none of those are true. I'm 31, I work with 15-18 year olds and we all have plenty to talk about. I get on very well with most of them. Remember, your kids will be 15 one day (and you'll likely be in your 40s by then!) and then I'm sure you'll learn to like them despite their age

I judge a little in the sense that I have prejudices - I tend to assume it's an unplanned pregnancy, and that they must be quite soft-hearted, because if I'd got pregnant at that age I'd have had an abortion for sure. That's about me though, not about them - I had an abusive family situation and didn't feel anything other than terrified by the thought of children until I was living 300 miles away from my family of origin and earning over the average wage.

I always tried to be friendly to teenage mums at baby groups but TBH I figured they'd want to make friends with mums closer to their age (I was nearly 40 when I had my kids).

I think as mums we should all be honouring each other's struggle, god knows I found the first couple of years with my twins a real struggle, and I have the utmost respect for anyone doing that at 17 or 18.

Honestly, no, I do not. I have relatives who had their first babies in their teens and are excellent mothers. I knew a number of girls from school who had their first babies in their teens and are excellent mothers. I used to run a Young Parent's group when I worked in children & young people's services and in all the time I did that, with all the families I worked with, there were only ever three mothers I judged as not able to parent safely and well enough- and their age had nothing to do with that.

I was 24 when I had my first baby, I'd happily have been friends with a 16 or 17 year old fellow mum (although I lived and worked in a small town so it wouldn't have worked, as said 16 or 17 year olds would have known me through my job!).

No I wouldn't. You can't assume anything about anybody and if someone is nice, I'd definitely chat to them in a group situation. I agree that loads of people at these groups often feel a bit out of their depth and we all need as much friendliness and chat as we can get when we are grappling with a young baby. And age difference wouldn't bother me either. I have friends who are much older than me, so why not much younger? If someone is your sort of person, I don't think age is so important.

Yes in all honesty. I would feel sorry for them though and be friendly.

Most people on here wouldn't judge. But people "on the outside" judge all the time.

I wouldn't judge. I was born when my DM was a teenager and she's always been absolutely brilliant.

I haven't met any teen mums at the baby groups I go to, but they often post on local Facebook groups saying that they feel ignored or judged when they go to them. I would talk to them like any other mum.

I would probably gravitate to a younger mother at a baby group.

I was 24. Married, good job, house, mortgage. I had planned the pregnancy and we'd taken 6 months to conceive and I took my vitamins and knew my Bugaboo from my Phil&Ted. I realised when I entered baby groups that I was the youngest in the room. By far. Like, they were 35-40 and seemed ever so grown up to me. And I realised they were smiling awkwardly at me and walking off because they thought I was a young, youthful, possibly teenage fool who wasn't 'the same' as them. I had a few sneery comments like "Was it intentional?" and "Is Daddy still in the picture then?"

(Oh, I see it there actually - " I'd be friendly and for polite but wouldn't invite her to join us for coffee afterwards. I'm mid-30s and so are most of my friends." Yes. This kind of attitude. "You're just not like us, hun." )

By the time I had my second I was 29 going on 30. I 'fit in' better. The mums - different mums, obviously - came over and talked to me with more ease. But I wasn't at ease anymore. I was still smarting from their rejection the first time around and I didn't go to the groups to make friends.

I wouldn't judge them and I would smile and say hello but I'm 37 and about to have DC3. I'm a secondary school teacher and would struggle to see someone who was 16 as someone I could be friends with (professional distance and all that) or someone I had much in common with.

I judge anyone who has DCs that they can't afford, whatever their age.

If teenage mothers work to support their DCs and don't rely on the state for money I have no problem with that.

(Forgot final paragraph. So, in conclusion, no I wouldn't judge them and would probably sit by them, because I'd reckon we were in it for the same things - mutual support, bit of clumsy confusion as to how this baby lark works, a bit more of an appreciation for the youthful stuff we might still want to do, how to handle our friends not being at the same stage, what it's like being the youngest in the room and people either ignoring you or trying to work out what contraceptive error you made.)

I don't judge teen mothers at all on their mothering or their choice to have the child. I would be polite and talk to them.

But I wouldn't expect any 17 year old to want to be friends with me (I'm 40, had my ds at 37). I'd think I'm too old, not cool and we'd have nothing in common except for both having children and i'd assume she'd rather have friends her own age, but then that's my issue with feeling old at baby groups - we all have our own insecurities.

I would never judge! A girl of 18 I know has recently had a baby and she's doing really well, and making a fab go of the baby stage. I worry about her because she didn't finish her A levels and is bright enough to be at a good university, and I hope she can pick up her education again later. But she made a real choice to have her baby and not terminate and I respect her for making that decision. Plus the baby is scrummy and if she thought for one moment I was judging I'd never get a cuddle!

I was 37 when I had my first though, so I would have been unlikely to have much in common with a 16 year old had there been one in my baby groups! I still found it hard making the 'baby friends' which seem so important at that point, and felt there were plenty of times when 'everyone else' was going off for coffee with somebody else. I think that stage can be tough for many people.

I'm horrified and the abuse on the bus though. What on earth gets into people?

MarmiteDoesYouGood I think you may be missing the point. Of course I'll like my own children when they're teenagers, but when I was in my late thirties I wouldn't have wanted to socialise with someone under 20.

The OP asked for honest opinions and mine is that I have no interest in forming a friendship with someone half my age. When I had my children I had been married for over ten years, been working for nearly twenty, I had a degree, I had travelled the world and I enjoyed chatting to, and making friends with, people who had at least some of that experience in common.

Even things like how you were brought up, how you spent your free time as a child and what you did are school are vastly different if you come from a different generation and all those things inform how you are as a parent and the things you want to talk about with other parents.

No I don't judge. But people always judge me. Im late 20s but look younger so people always ask me if 'I'm still with the dad' or 'was he planned'. So annoying. Sorry to hear you have been judged.