Honestly do you judge teen mothers?

[Willialwaysbelookeddownon]

I had my first son a month before I turned 17, and despite really trying at mum and baby groups I was always shut out of conversations and never taken seriously. I was lucky that I wasn't dropped by any of my friends but they never had children of their own and I was quite often isolated.
I am now engaged, pursued the career I wanted and have another DS.
A girl on our road is pregnant at 16 and my heart very much goes out to her. She's seem so very lonely.
So my question is, do you judge young mums? Would you be less inclined to speak to a mum at a mother/baby group because they were say 16?

Wouldn't judge on someones age as long as baby is fine it doesn't matter how old or young the parent is.
I am actually envious as having my last baby at 37 and wishing I had done it much much younger and I could have some sort of life back by now !

I wouldn't judge a teen mother but I might be curious about the circumstances that prompted her choices and actions.

I think the real issue is the gap in age and experience between a teen mother and an average age mother.

I wouldn't judge or think ill of a teen parent but as longdiling says I've tended to make friends with other women around my age because I don't think I'd have that much in common with a 16 year old and they most likely wouldn't want to be friends with me as I'm 20 years older than them. My sister's kids are 17, 18 and 19 and they think I'm very old!

It's hard at any age making friends at mum and baby groups. I'm in my 30s and often felt like I was intruding on the grown ups conversations.

There was a teen mum at a group I went to for a few weeks, she hasn't been back and was already in a vulnerable situation, I think about her sometimes and wonder how she's doing, I hope she wasn't put off by us relics 😉 Or made to feel an outsider. I always tried to talk to her and make her feel welcome but worried that she thought I was patronising her or something

I don't judge any mother, whether she's 15 or 50. My daughter's friend had a baby aged 16 and 8 years on, has finished uni, and is embarking on a career in health care.

On the other hand, a close friend has just found out she's pregnant at the age of 46 (first time, natural conception)and is already worried about negative comments. I have told her to join the over-40s pregnant thread on here, for support.

No. I'd think they were brave. It's hard work.

Id think how lucky they are.

No. The youngest mum in my son's year, I could have easily been, without being a teen mother, her mother. She was brilliant and still is, no way did I ever judge her (she now has a master's degree). Her exh left one day for milk and never came back, but she now get's on well with him and his partner, a lesson in life for me.

Please don't think like this. There are lots of older mums in toddler groups, I had my son and last child at 40. I felt judged for being an older mum. Women have as much right to their 40 year plus fertility as men do.

Good luck with your little one and be a great mother.

I absolutely would not judge and I would try to ensure that the mother felt included in conversation (and as a pp said, worry that I was being patronising).

I would, however, wonder what I have in common with a teenager (aside from a new baby), so I might not easily extend the friendship away from the mother and baby group, unless we got on really well.

I don't judge teen mothers but depends on circumstances.

My best friend at 18 got pregnant and told me one of the main reasons was so her mother wouldn't make her be a carer for her as the youngest child.

This friend ended up regretting having children, was very unkind (beat) her eldest son and was quite an awful friend to me, we speak a bit now but don't get on.

Nope and tbh at baby groups I wouldn't even know how old anyone is as I'm rubbish at guessing ages (for e.g. at NCT classes the lady I guessed was closest to me in age was actually 15 years older). I just chat to anyone who seems friendly or starts talking to me first.

Not at all I only judge people who are not caring for their children (not parenting choices being neglectful/abusive) and they come in all ages.

I was 24 when I had my firsts and had lots of comments about being a young mum didn't i want to travel bla bla bla. Ignore them find your people and if someone seems judgy judge them right back see how they like it.

Teen mums is a wide range though - from 14 year olds at school and very ill equipped to be parents through to 19 year olds in a stable relationship and with their own home.

I would judge a 15/16/17 year old who was actively trying to have a baby, yes. I would also judge her parents harshly for letting their daughter think that all she should aspire to is being a mother rather than finishing her education, travelling, working, finding a stable relationship etc etc.

No, I judge crap parenting. I had my eldest son as a single parent when I just turned 19. It was tough but he was my absolute world and I went without so he didn't as I was skint skint skint.
I did do a judgey face in the council yesterday when I went in to pay a bill, and there was a lady with a really small baby and a man in there and she was saying 'well his mum keeps saying she should be wearing a vest as it's cold and I said well if he would pay for his daughter then I'll buy vests' then in the next breath 'wanna go out for a fag' that I judge, give up the fags so you can dress your kid. Yes the dad should step up, but you can't force it so therefore it becomes your responsibility for the basics.

I would never not speak to somebody just because they're a teenager. I like teenagers.

I would probably judge her parents/upbringing though.

Joyy that's insane that you were treated badly at the birth! I thank god, had an amazing midwife.
I once on a bus (I was heavily pregnant) told that if I 'didn't want to stand on a bus should've fucked someone with a car' I was so humiliated that I got off the bus and walked 45 mins to school.
I never ever got on the bus with my DS unless he was in his sling either as people would stare into the pram and stare at me repeatedly and I found the whole faff of getting on a bus mortifying as i felt like it gave people more time to look at me?!

NettleCake that makes me sad. I went to a breastfeeding group with DS1 every week, and would speak to the same mums. Every week they all went for coffee after and the invite was NEVER extended to me, I thought it was truly horrible and I shed a lot of tears about it.
I was young, yes. But I was mature and so desperate to have some sort of adult conversation that wasn't my (very lovely and supportive) grandma. Now I am older and have DS2 I'm so glad they didn't one day cave in and invite me as I can honestly say today that I am a kinder person than any of them and would never allow a 17 year old girl feel as low about herself as they made me feel.

Honestly, yes I do. I judge them to have been sensible enough to bear children and raise young babies whilst still in rude health and an age when they find it much easier to cope with sleep deprivation.

I know plenty of teenage or early twenties mothers who went back into education/training/workplace once their kids were at school/nursery, and who caught up with their peers by their early thirties- just at the time when their peers are looking for career breaks/fertility treatment/to find the right man.

I would tend to assume someone that age wouldn't want to talk to boring old me. If we got chatting I'd be delighted to be proved wrong. I slightly envy younger mums in a way, cos I sometimes feel a bit old and unfit for keeping up with mine, and worry I may not be around to help with grandkids as much as my parents have been for me.

I am very much an older mum and tend to assume everyone is much younger than me.

I also would love to have had my kids younger if that had been feasible.

I tend to chat/ coo over the little kids and any other conversation just comes up as it arises.

I wouldn't judge - I was born to a young mum (she was 19 when I was born) and .

I would chat to a teen mum at a baby group, same as I would any other mum, but I wouldn't go out of my way to make friends with her, because she would be the same age as one of my students - I'm a teacher - and to be honest I don't necessarily want to go out for coffee with teenagers in my free time.

I wouldn't judge based on age and I'd certainly have been happy to chat about all the baby stuff with you. I have to admit I can't quite imaging having formed a close friendship with someone 20 years younger than me but that may be my failure in imagination iyswim.

I think I would judge a bit because I don't think a teenager has the necessary life experience to make good parenting decisions.

I certainly wouldn't purposefully exclude a young Mum, but I also wouldn't go out of my way to make friends because I know I would have nothing in common with someone so much younger than me.

i feel sorry for them, having dc is lovely but it limits your options and makes everything that bit harder. My overwhelming instinct when I see young mums on the bus is to wonder why they made that choice. I suppose that is a bit patronizing really and like someone else said, it's a reflection of how hard i've found to juggle a life and work with small children. I do agree that making friends with a mum 20 years younger would be tricky - what would we have in common? I wouldn't rule it out though.

Oh people are horrid. My DD1 is 13 years older than my DS2. She got some terrible abuse when she used to take him for a walk or to the park. Yeah people are stupid too.

I wouldn't judge at all.

However I think I'd have struggled to have much common ground when I had mine at 30 - to be more than mummy acquaintances IYSWIM.