Request from new neighbour

[Amber76]

We are due to move into a new estate in a few weeks. I've being going to baby groups in the area already to get to know people.

I met the neighbour whose garden backs onto ours. She seems very nice and our kids are similar ages. She asked me if it would be okay if her ten year old uses our garden as a shortcut to main estate. She is outside the estate in an older house which doesn't have a footpath outside it on the road. Her child seems lovely and her friends live in the estate.

I was caught off guard at the time and said i didn't mind but when I said it my dh later he said no way - what if child fell over wall? started bringing friends through?, etc. He's right and I'll have to tell her we're not okay with it. How can I do this nicely without causing tension before we even move in?

If you say yes now, you'll end up with all the younger children doing it as well. 10-15 years down the line you'll still have at least one child passing through first thing in the morning and then at school home time.
I'd personally say no because I think when the days and times and children increase it'll be really hard to restrict it at that point....and I like my privacy. But I suppose it depends on which windows look out on your garden, how easy it is to look in your house and then ultimately how friendly you actually become with this neighbour. If you become really good friends and your children play together you may decide it's ok to let her children go through your garden.

Personally i woulnd't be keen but as you had said yes, it would be worth just seeing how it goes and, any problem, you can put a stop to it. However, the issue is that your husband has said no. So it makes it easier - just approach her and say "look, I know I agreed but my husband is having none of it, if it was up to me etc etc - so sorry". Just put the blame on him! haha

Maybe when he moves in, the husband could introduce HIMSELF, chat a little, and explain his OWN view? If the move isn't pretty imminent this may not be fair on her (ok if it's a week, not if it's 3+ weeks maybe), but generally, if he's the one who decided he's not keen, shouldn't HE get to explain the change?

When I was a kid my brother and I played with the kids in the house who's back garden backed onto ours. The garages had a gap between them so we squeezed back and forth rather than walk around the entire block. When they were bringing a friend from the same street with them, she squeezed through too. So far, so good.

DM was really not amused when one Sunday morning, when we were ill and so not at Church as we were every other Sunday, she was washing the dishes and caught the friend who was about 12 (not the neighbour's kid) taking a lad for about 17 down our garden path as a shortcut! DM was really not amused. Lad was apologetic enough about getting busted but the real issue was that we were never in on Sunday mornings so how long had this been going on? You have no control over the other person's DC, not only who might they bring but also what third parties might their friends bring when none of you are about!

Privacy and the gate being open /unlocked are the two main issues

So once moved in say it won't work as gate nesss to be locked now You live there for safety and insurance reasons

And asking for a neighbours herbs as you move in seems a bit ott. No wonder you don't talk 10yrs later .....

Ffs don't say it's your husband who refuses. I'm sure you will live happily ever after in your lovely house but if you should chance to split up, bang goes your excuse ..

Have you managed to break the news to your new neighbour OP? How did that conversation go?

OP, if your husband is totally against the idea, he should be the one to tell the NDN when you move in. If all the what ifs suggested here have made you change your mind, then follow the advice and tell her with hindsight you as a family dont think it is a good idea

I'm very much in the "it takes a village to raise a child" camp, but... This is just a bit bizarre, and something I would want to say no to