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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Request from new neighbour

209 replies

Amber76 · 24/01/2017 07:52

We are due to move into a new estate in a few weeks. I've being going to baby groups in the area already to get to know people.

I met the neighbour whose garden backs onto ours. She seems very nice and our kids are similar ages. She asked me if it would be okay if her ten year old uses our garden as a shortcut to main estate. She is outside the estate in an older house which doesn't have a footpath outside it on the road. Her child seems lovely and her friends live in the estate.

I was caught off guard at the time and said i didn't mind but when I said it my dh later he said no way - what if child fell over wall? started bringing friends through?, etc. He's right and I'll have to tell her we're not okay with it. How can I do this nicely without causing tension before we even move in?

OP posts:
Tapandgo · 25/01/2017 17:32

No time to read all responses - sorry. I'd say no - you could be creating 'right of access' issues that could cause future problems. Besides, a private garden us meant to be just that.

Cubtrouble · 25/01/2017 17:36

Absolutely not. No is a complete sentence.
No. No. No. my nan allowed this and the neighbour is a complete piss taker. Say no now and fit some decent security. How can kid get into your garden? Put up a fence and make it unable to be climbed over.

reiki73 · 25/01/2017 17:40

Personally I think it's a bit cheeky of her to ask. It's your property and you have every right to reconsider, and while you say she seems very nice, you don't really know her. That's the impression I get anyway.

EweAreHere · 25/01/2017 17:43

Your polite refusal is all that is needed. Hopefully, the neighbour is a sensible type and will fully understand and not be ridiculous about it.

mammamic · 25/01/2017 17:47

Maybe you could simply be honest. That could work maybe.

Hi - you know you asked about cutting through the garden - I was caught a bit off guard and answered without thinking and instantly regretted it as it's not my decision to make. I talked to other half and he made some good points about what if your child is injured and what if it's not convenient at certain times and things like that and we both agreed that we'd prefer it if, at least for the time being, he went round the long way.

If she gets offended, then that's her issue. And when you get to know them, you may end up offering.

When a new neighbour moved in next door to me, I explained that the previous owner let me go into the garden and take fresh herbs etc from her lovely garden and would this still be possible. She was a little taken aback and I immediately said - don't worry if you're not comfortable, totally understandable. She said she'd prefer not and it was her choice. No offence taken. 10 yrs later, they barely say hello, so probably for the best!

Libbylove2015 · 25/01/2017 17:51

It was polite of her to ask at least, but it is up to you really. If you don't want him to use it, could you tell a white lie like you are having it landscaped so would prefer not to have it trampled on?

Or if you care but your husband doesn't, will he ever be in to see the offending boy using the garden? Sure it won't amount to anything serious.

Carriecakes80 · 25/01/2017 17:59

Why would you say no?? I think your gut answer was the right answer! When I moved in our NDN asked if her oldest son could park his car in our space as we didn't have a car back then, roll on a few years and I get all the free baby sitting I want, plus some really good friends who I wuld do anything for, and vice versa, they have been a lifeline, so do think it through before you say no.

Chewbecca · 25/01/2017 18:00

I would definitely say no purely on the basis I keep my side gate padlocked and that's non negotiable.

So I'd explain that I realised to allow the child through, you'd have to keep it unlocked and you are not happy to do that.

FurryLittleTwerp · 25/01/2017 18:09

Presumably the child has already been scaling climbing over the wall & the neighbour is hoping it will continue for convenience. Is there a little worn path through the garden?

I'd politely decline for all the reasons against given above.

FannyUmbongo · 25/01/2017 18:10

She will say, oh don't worry about her hurting herself, she'll be grand.

You'll have to be firm.

BlueFolly · 25/01/2017 18:12

Looking forward to the update!

PickledCauliflower · 25/01/2017 18:12

I think I would just add a few bits on to subject when you see her.

A shortcut twice a day is ok, but no friends in tow. If he is goes flying, it won't be your fault and any of that nonsense.

I used to let my neighbour cross through my house (through hallway and kitchen to get out back gate) as a shortcut to shops. It wasn't like Piccadilly Circus as they didn't use it all of the time or at difficult hours.

PickledCauliflower · 25/01/2017 18:13

Sorry - she. Thought it was her son.

Creampastry · 25/01/2017 18:16

Say its not possible as the gate will be locked at all times. You really don't want people thinking anyone can get into your garden. You could lie and say you're quite hot on home security or something.

FurryLittleTwerp · 25/01/2017 18:23

Presumably the younger siblings will also want a go climbing up the wall and leaping off as well Shock

Quintessing · 25/01/2017 18:28

My parents have had the neighbours kids use their garden as a short cut for years. Two little girls. Much safer to go through our garden to get to and from school, than the long way around on busy roads. They are not so little any more, and always pleasant and polite.

BalloonSlayer · 25/01/2017 19:14

Ah it'll be easy to just breezily say: "Oh about the coming through the garden thing, I said yes when you asked me because of course we'd want to help out, but we weren't living here then and I couldn't picture it. The second we moved in we realised it won't work at all as we will need to keep the gate locked. Sorry!"

Suttonmum1 · 25/01/2017 19:24

I'd be saying that it's against my house insurance.

neweymcnewname · 25/01/2017 19:27

Get a pet Wolverine, and say that unfortunately it's not safe for her DC? ( tho then u probably won't be able to use the garden either...Grin)

Nanasueathome · 25/01/2017 19:32

Would you have to keep your garden gate unlocked so that the child has access coming and going?

Stonewash · 25/01/2017 19:34

Say something like "Sorry to have to tell you this, but I'm afraid we're going to have to change our minds about your child coming through our garden. It may be our responsibility if anything happened to them and we're not comfortable with that."

sleepingkoala · 25/01/2017 19:34

It wasn't fair of her to put you in that position when you haven't even moved in yet! I would only ask that after getting to know a neighbour and becoming friends with them and even then I'd still think it was an imposition and would be totally fine with them saying no. So especially considering the way she asked you and putting you on the spot like that, I think it should be fine to tell her sorry but now you've moved in you realise you can't. If she isn't okay with that then she's being unreasonable and it's not your fault or responsibility.

Tweedledee3Tweedledum · 25/01/2017 19:36

If you have to tell her that you don't want this to happen, you just have to bite the bullet. Be assertive.

SlankyBodger · 25/01/2017 19:39

You have to have ground rules.

Only him, no others. If he's with mate/s then they go the long way.
If he litters or causes any sort of damage or problems then permission will be rescinded.
Route through garden agreed by you and he sticks to it.

Anything else you think of.

ClaudiaNaughton · 25/01/2017 19:57

So if you're on holiday for example you'd have to leave side gate unlocked? Afraid it would be a definite no from me anyway. Nip it in the bud OP.