Request from new neighbour

[Amber76]

We are due to move into a new estate in a few weeks. I've being going to baby groups in the area already to get to know people.

I met the neighbour whose garden backs onto ours. She seems very nice and our kids are similar ages. She asked me if it would be okay if her ten year old uses our garden as a shortcut to main estate. She is outside the estate in an older house which doesn't have a footpath outside it on the road. Her child seems lovely and her friends live in the estate.

I was caught off guard at the time and said i didn't mind but when I said it my dh later he said no way - what if child fell over wall? started bringing friends through?, etc. He's right and I'll have to tell her we're not okay with it. How can I do this nicely without causing tension before we even move in?

This is why I don't get friendly with the neighbours. I remember being asked an awkward question from a neighbour I told her I didn't want to tell her. She threw me out of the house. Don't compromise on your space she is taking the piss out of you. I suppose she is used to fools doing what she says and wants. Know one with any decency would ever ask a person they just met to do that. Are you scared of her and that's the reason why you couldn't say no.

OP should say no because she doesn't want to do it. And a child climbing over a wall is a plainly bonkers idea. As is asking permission of your husband or making up stuff about the insurance company or getting hysterical about rights of way.

However, if the neighbours are intent on breaching the wall like the Wildlings in Game of Thrones, I fear that asking them nicely won't cut it.

Thanks so much for all the replies - its great to get all the different viewpoints.
I'll politely say it doesn't suit - if any issues arise i'll be back to you lovely ladies with part 2!!

My garden gates locked. Then the dog can go out without worrying about it accidentally opening, I don't have to worry about things being easily nicked from the garden etc. I wouldn't let someone cut thru in any of the houses I have lived in, you can be neighbourly without that.

I let my neighbours' kids do this. Not really a problem. I remember cutting through a garden when I was a child which is why I let them do it. If they start messing about in the garden I give them a stare and they scurry along.

You could install a Hampton Court style maze. Neighbour's child goes in, wanders around and emerges back where she started!

This would be a no

Child has to climb over 5/6ft fence - possibly weakening it over time and it will bend /break

Then go through your side gate which means leaving it unlocked always and any tom dick harry can get in

And if leave ajar by accident , your kids can escape garden onto road ......

Gardens need to be secure at all time with young children. ESP 3 under 5

How much further are we talking about if didn't use your garden

And can't imagine a child leaping over fence in school uniform etc

She's got to climb your 5ft fence - how wierd it's not as if it's a low walk or s few shrubs. what's the other side? Any flowers or plants are likely to get trodden on and damaged as well as your fence.
What about getting back the other way?
Also you're going to have to leave your side gate unlocked for her. I was burgled once by someone getting into my back garden and forcing a rear door. There is no way I'd be regularly leaving my side gate unlocked for a neighbours convenience like this.

You could just lock the gate and don't mention it to her and then if she ever asks play dumb, say you'll check with your husband.... And then forget all about it!

Or here's a novel idea, you could say to her that yes her child can walk through your gate on the condition that he/she is alone etc.

I understand that you're concerned that the child could get injured climbing a wall but from what you've said the wall isn't part of your property, the child would be accessing your property via a gate and unless it's an electric barbed wire covered gate I don't see how any injuries could occur.

I think it's mean to refuse to let a child walk through your gate when you don't have a valid reason. Also, does your husband always veto any decisions you make? You were content to let the child use your gate until your husband said no!

Even if there had been a gate I think I would have said no. I'd maybe have said yes but only at x times on way to school and way back but not at other times. Otherwise at a weekend you could have kid coming back and forth 20 times a day which would put me on edge and unable to relax in my own garden.

But as no gate and it involves scaling a fence on your side and possibly damaging it then no way.

No, no NO!

Your garden is exactly that - YOURS. I wouldn't dream of asking to do this and I'd take a very dim view of anyone who asked the same of me.

Climbing a 6' fence is ridiculous. It will damage the fence if done regularly. And what about her younger children? Will they be hauled over as well?

It would be a no from me but don't be such a wuss and blame your H. Just tell her she caught you off guard and on reflection, you've both decided it's not a good idea. Then put locks on gates.

Be wary of overly friendly neigbours. They always turn out to be the troublemakers in the street/area.

You need to say no to this. We had friends who said yes in a similar situation, trying to be nice to the neighbours as you were, but ended up with their drive/garden path being used as a cut through by all and sundry. The people behind actually made a gate in the fence and gave their neighbours permission to use their path as a shortcut. Our friends ended up with a steady stream of people nipping through to go shopping/catch buses/walk their dogs etc. Cause a bit of a stink when the locked their side gate and called a halt to it. Nip it in the bud now.

I'd get your husband to go round and tell her no. Then put up a high fence which no one can climb over.

Why should OP get her husband to so it? Poor feeble female can't deal with saying no to someone?

emerald surely one of the people responsible for paying the rent/mortgage not wanting a random kid to walk across the garden whenever they fancy is a valid reason?!

"I think I must have got very lucky to live in a village where people go out of their way to be neighbourly."

Being neighbourly doesn't mean that you have to be a mug & say yes to everything that's asked of you.

Presumably you would say yes in this scenario & that's fine.

It's also fine to say no & still be neighbourly!

I never said she should say yes, diddl. I suggested that having said yes already, she could see what the exact plan is once she moves in (clearly jumping a 6 foot wall would be ridiculous, but she thought there might be a gap behind the garage) and if it seems okay then see how it goes for first few weeks. If it doesn't suit then she can then say no, explaining why, or bring in ground rules or whatever.

Round here (semi rural wth large plots) it wouldn't be a big deal at all. Kids are already in and out of other people's garden collecting balls. I think that even those with smaller gardens who don't have their own kids would say it's fine to cut through in the winter after 4pm, to stop a child having to walk in the road in the dark.

" I suggested that having said yes already, she could see what the exact plan is once she moves in "

Sorry, I didn't get that from your post.

I posted a few times previously... the one you quoted was my follow up reply.

Someone talked of there not being a valid reason not to.

Surely, wanting your privacy is a valid reason.