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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

688 replies

penciltop · 21/01/2017 08:48

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

OP posts:
Dawndonnaagain · 21/01/2017 10:03

Or are you saying they are fatalistic, accept they are going to be ill but don't care?
No, I'm saying that in some cases they may have mental health problems or other difficulties that these threads don't consider.

fakenamefornow · 21/01/2017 10:04

ppeatfruit

What is this magic fat burning tip then?

LostMyDotBrain · 21/01/2017 10:04

I completely get why people make these types of excuses about their weight OP. In fact, I can tell you precisely what happens when they stop doing it.

Nowadays when the topic of weight comes up, I am open about the fact that I have a very poor relationship with food and that my health issues aren't the cause but do make things more difficult. Not once have I had someone say "you know what, Lost, that must be tough for you." They all have tips and secrets to share with me, ignoring the fact that a big part of why I'm fat is psychological. And I have to sit there pretending I've never heard it before and am very grateful that someone who's never struggled with their weight to the same extent I do has taken the time to share their opinion about my problem. If I don't go through this charade, someone will get offended.

Let those who are really in denial be in denial. You're unlikely to make them see the light. But likelihood is most of the people making these excuses do have some awareness but are trying to avoid the patronising conversations that come off the back of being realistic.

NavyandWhite · 21/01/2017 10:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

lovelearning · 21/01/2017 10:09

I keep telling myself I'm the right weight. I forget to mention that it's the right weight for someone 7ft 6.

user1478860582 Grin

Nataleejah · 21/01/2017 10:09

Unless a person has MH issues, they are very much aware of their weight. No need to be constantly reminded. Remember the most of us are not film stars or supermodels who have an army of personal trainers and dieticians running around.

december10th · 21/01/2017 10:10

those who say 'big boned doesn't exist, are you really saying everyone's skeleton is identical? no one has a wider ribcage or hips - there is one standard size!
Age, genetics and conditions such as under active thyroid can all make weight loss much harder for some people.
I think in the future, telling some people to just lose weight, will be views the same as telling someone with depression to just cheer up!

Mistletoetastic · 21/01/2017 10:12

weight can creep on, I think a lot of people realise that they have gained weight when looking at photos etc

I gained 2.5 stone over 4 years, went to slimming world and was mortified at weigh in. Lost 2 stone, will tackle the other half at some point soon.

I think that people are in denial sometimes, other times just deflect attention.

BTW is there really such a thing as big bones? Surely at a skeletal level our bones are all pretty much the same? I understand body shapes and muscle mass vary from person to person.

Mistletoetastic · 21/01/2017 10:14

December10th having wider hips and wide shoulders (like me, also long legs) doesn't mean that my bones are heavier than anyone else does it?

surferjet · 21/01/2017 10:15

Op: many people are in denial about lots of things, their weight just one of them. To lead a 'perfect' life where you're always the ideal weight, your kids, home, finances, friendships, relationships are also 'perfect' is really really really exhausting.
According to all these charts I could be 8 stone and still within a healthy weight for my height. I'm 10 stone atm and look fairly slim. If I lost another 2 stone I would look seriously ill, so I'm not sure how helpful these charts really are.
Also, in some cases, depression is the root cause of over ( or under ) eating - understanding why people behave the way they do is never simple.

PinkSwimGoggles · 21/01/2017 10:15

medication/age/illness doesn't make you gain weight.
it makes keeping a healthy weight harder, but with adjustments it's not impossible. it's just an excuse.

it's damn hard to lose weight (healthy long term weight loss) but never impossible. people will have to want to, though, and will have to conjure up an astonishing amount of willpower.

VelvetSpoon · 21/01/2017 10:15

BMI is a poor indicator. According to the BMI, my oh is morbidly obese, and would have to lose I think 6 stone to be in the normal weight range. He never tells people what he weighs because they would be like this Shock. He swims up to 10 miles a week, eats a lot but not excessively (several of my Ex's, who were v slimly built would eat substantially more than him) and yes he's put on a stone or so since we met (as have I, more in my case actually) but he is just a big build, and quite muscular - his wrists for example, which have no fat on, are twice the size of mine, ankles the same. Some people do just have a larger frame/ weigh more.

As for the poster who said at 8/10 they still didn't have a normal BMI, I can well believe it. In recent years at my slimmest I was a size 12. I weighed 13.5st. For me to have a normal BMI, I would have to weigh under 11st iirc...

There probably is an element of denial - I see a person who's a bit overweight when I look in the mirror, but I saw the same thing when I was both heavier and lighter than I am now.

Original poster
penciltop · 21/01/2017 10:16

I know I feel shocked at how little food we do actually need and should be eating

Absolutely. My portion sizes have been way too big hence the weight piling on. I could get away with it when I was younger. I have to really check portion sizes for everything now to lose weight

OP posts:
fakenamefornow · 21/01/2017 10:17

I've never heard it before and am very grateful that someone who's never struggled with their weight to the same extent I do has taken the time to share their opinion about my problem.

How do you know how much they struggle with their weight? I'm not overweight, bang in the middle of the BMI table for my hieght. I struggle enormously with my weight. Basically I have learned that my appetite is pitched at a much higher level than my body needs and I am hungry every fucking day. Sorry, not swearing at you, just swearing to express frustration and depression living with hunger. I also know that I'll have to live with this for the rest of my life if I don't want to be fat because I'm not a naturally slim person.

Deathraystare · 21/01/2017 10:20

It is the same with drinkers who claim only to drink socially (but phone them up on an afternoon and hear them slur their words!), plus the social smokers who are anything but social.

I am overweight. I never deny this. Would be pointless really. Though I have been amused by both a friend and SIL who claimed to be size 16 when I was a 20 and they both were much larger than me!!!!

I know I am overweight. I am very greedy and like large portions. Plus I do snack as well.

Areyoufree · 21/01/2017 10:20

Maybe the fact that your friends feel the need to justify their weight to you says more about you than them.

JustDanceAddict · 21/01/2017 10:20

Bmi is rubbish. You need to measure your fat ratio. My weight/height is in proportion but I've got skinny arms/upper body and all my extra fat is on my belly so I am trying to change my eating habits to get rid as it's not healthy. I can tell cos I can see the fat - I'm
Not blind. It's hard to lose, but I'm getting there slowly. You have to be motivated to lose, whatever your size. Completely agree that being overweight is not healthy, it's a trigger for all sorts of diseases, so you may feel healthy in your younger years, but may be more likely to become ill in middle age.

Mari50 · 21/01/2017 10:21

A friend of a friend is like this, she's overweight and doesn't understand why because she doesn't eat anything. We were all on holiday together, she didn't stop eating and didn't move for the week . . . . . It's hardly rocket science

VelvetSpoon · 21/01/2017 10:22

And yes, if you do say you're overweight, everyone starts telling you about how someone they know lost 10st through Slimming World etc. I've done SW. I put all the weight back on and think it's shit tbh, as all it seems to do is encourage over eating (just my view). All the v overweight people in my group have put weight back on, it's only those with 2st or less to lose who seem to have kept it off.

Another thing, I have mentioned my oh and I would both be classed as obese. Neither of us has ever been told by a medical professional to lose weight - yet I have several friends who are just in the overweight BMI (like us, no significant ongoing health issues) who are given unsolicited diet advice every visit to their GP/ nurse. Go figure!

Revealall · 21/01/2017 10:23

Blimey. I must be the only one who doesn't think people who are " heavy bones" mean it literally. How would anyone know how much their bones weigh.
I think what they mean is " I am heavy but it's not all fat". Clearly this is incorrect in most cases.
But having played rugby for many years it is clearly obvious that body shapes are remarkably different and that you will carry it differently so you can see why people put fat down to other things.

Crap food is delicious( and cheap) though. That is the problem.

TalkingofMichaelAngel0 · 21/01/2017 10:24

I agree about slimming wrold velvet. I know many people on it and they do not eat healthily or have a healthy atritude tiwards food and portion size. Sun free doesnt mean keep going until you pop...

EweAreHere · 21/01/2017 10:24

I guess if theirs visable fat people are in denial but heavy bones do exist.

'Heavy bones' do not exist in the sense of 'explaining' why someone is fat. At best, 'heavy' bones would account for an extra five pounds, at a stretch.

Bone weight depends on how much a person”s entire body weighs. Bones make up around 15% of a person”s total body weight. While people do have different frame size, most who weigh too much for their height do so because of excess body fat. Body builders are the exception.

LostMyDotBrain · 21/01/2017 10:25

BTW is there really such a thing as big bones? Surely at a skeletal level our bones are all pretty much the same?

Of course there is. Or are we only accepting nowadays that variety in bone size makes us taller? Not wider?

fakename...take those feelings and add around 6-7 stone and a binge eating problem. The fact is, if you feel like that and manage to stay a healthy weight, you're at least winning your struggle. Imagine feeling like that every day and still being massive.

seafoodeatit · 21/01/2017 10:28

Probably because it's too upsetting to face or admit to other people, I'm very overweight and find the whole thing very overwhelming. I was always within an average bmi, with my first child my booking in bmi was 23,( we'd recently moved to Cornwall and I was taking advantage of all the scones! ) in pregnancy I developed really bad spd, almost had to go into a wheelchair and went from very active and mobile to not moving at all if I could help it, started eating really badly because I struggled to cook/walk to the kitchen and dh was working till 8/9pm most nights, it was all crap and my weight went completely unnoticed, after I gave birth I thought I must have gained some weight and was shocked to see I'd gone from a size 8 to 16, I couldn't believe it so just buried my head in the sand because it was so upsetting. In the past if I had to lose weight it was a matter of a few lb so a few weeks of dieting would take care of it, that won't work now and my usual long walks were gone since my hips were still crap and fitness levels at 0, I know what I am, I don't need my eyes opening, I'm not blind.

Bluebubble123 · 21/01/2017 10:30

I am over weight because I eat too much. Never denied that.
But I hate this concept that over weight people are lazy! I walk to and from work each day I have a physical job and work just as hard if not harder than some of my slim colleagues.
I go swimming most weekend and a long walk on a Sunday.