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Original poster

To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

688 replies

penciltop · 21/01/2017 08:48

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

OP posts:
snapcrap · 21/01/2017 11:41

Brightredpencil I'm sorry that that's been your experience Flowers. I can see why this discussion is raw for you. I can honestly say for myself personally I never, ever judge larger people and when I see very overweight people in my gym I feel chuffed that they are there and realise it might have taken a lot of guts to join. I'm falling over myself not to sound patronising here. Fat is a feminist issue and all that - or at least a very emotional issue and it plagues women.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/01/2017 11:43

"I think most people are not in denial but I do know one person who is. She doesn't think she is overweight at all. "

It's not just denial about being overweight, it can also be denial about eating. When I was a student I remember a girl piling her plate up really high and saying 'I don't know why I'm overweight when I eat healthily'. It was plainly obvious to me that as a 5'2 woman she was eating for a 6'2 man, but I didn't dare say anything. I suppose she was given large portions at home so thought that was normal.

WhooooAmI24601 · 21/01/2017 11:45

I'm fitter at 35 than I was at 25. I weigh more but am also more toned and healthy. I drink less, eat better and know more about nutrition. I don't gauge it by weight and don't own scales because I hate the whole negative-cycle of weighing myself, feeling shit about what I weigh then binge-eating because I'm sad. It's totally revolutionised my health and fitness. I recently had to visit a physio for an injury at school, he said for a female in their 30's my health is great and my core strength is cracking. I'm alright with that.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/01/2017 11:47

"There's about 260 calories (I think in a mars bar) . So I was over eating by just over one mars bar per week. It's easy for weight to creep on without realising it. "

Yes, that's quite scary.

I didn't weight myself for a while and of course I knew I'd put on some weight, but I was really shocked to find out when I weighed myself in January that I'd put a stone on between September and Christmas. If you don't weight yourself regularly, you can really fool yourself it's just a few pounds you've put on and those particular trousers had always been a bit tight etc.

snapcrap · 21/01/2017 11:48

It really is about portion size and exercise. It is rubbish that some people can eat more than others and not put on weight. If you do the maths, the latter will always be either consuming less calories or burning off more calories.

I'm not saying it's easy btw, or the old 'just eat less and move more' mantra, I get that it's a big emotional issue for many, many women.

fakenamefornow · 21/01/2017 11:49

Please don't try to put a positive slant on binge eating

But there is a positive slant to binge eating. Eating feels good, food tastes wonderful, it makes us happy, it fills us up, it provides comfort, it takes away hunger and pain. If there was no positive slant to binge eating nobody would do it. Just like nobody would take drugs or drink to excess or do anything else bad for us if there were no positives and we weren't getting anything out of it.

GizmoFrisby · 21/01/2017 11:50

I always think people are quick to comment if your thin or too thin. But if people are fat nobody wants to comment. Never understood this

DustyMaiden · 21/01/2017 11:52

I have heavy bones, my DM had osteoporosis so I was advised to have a scan, I have high bone density, heavy bones.

I'm also fat.

minimonkey11 · 21/01/2017 11:59

I know people who openly admit they dont like vegetables or fruit and dont exercise and are slim (one in particular who is not lying or stealth boasting) so i think genetics absolutely does come into play- in fact ehy wouldnt it?

Original poster
penciltop · 21/01/2017 12:00

I always think people are quick to comment if your thin or too thin. But if people are fat nobody wants to comment. Never understood this

For some reason it is offensive to tell fat people they are fat and not offensive apparently to tell thin people they are thin or too thin

When I used to be thin, I was mocked, now I am fat no one says anything Grin

OP posts:
Brightredpencil · 21/01/2017 12:01

Thanks snapcrap. Honestly that's the least of it. Ive been overweight my entire life apart from about 1 year in my twenties because I was ill. It's shit for all the reasons and more I explained. I am intelligent and educated and have some good personal qualities but these will ALWAYS be marred by my fatness. I know that. I'm in my early forties and I still cry myself to sleep about it and still have to try and suppress the guilt I feel. I am constantly in a state of both personal and public apology for my physical presence whether it's overt or constantly having to be implied. I can't use the NHS for anything without my body being an issue because as I said I am wrong at all times. OP - of course I would choose to be slim and of course I have battled for years to try to be slim in the face of all the crap against me I would have been mad not to. Please feel free to take the moral high ground over fat people and continue to make us feel bad.

VelvetSpoon · 21/01/2017 12:02

Gizmo I can only assume you've never been fat. I am. I have been thinner. At my slimmest as a teenager I was heckled I'm the street and called fat. I was a size 12. More recently a couple of years ago I was walking to a SW meeting, having lost 3st, and a passing car driver shouted abuse at me, calling me a fat ugly cunt. I had men on dating sites when I was single (and yes, overweight but a size 14-16) saying I was too fat/ should lose weight/ be surprised I was not more desperate at my size/ say how easy 'big fat girls' like me were to get into bed...

I could go on ad nauseam but you get the picture. Do my friends say I'm fat? No, because I know I am, they know I don't need telling. I don't comment on their weight, some are overweight, some 'normal', some underweight with weight issues. If they brought it up I'd discuss it, but why otherwise?

My oh and I talk about weight. We both want to lose some. We have cut out snacking (where a lot of my gain came from) and I am looking to exercise more. I don't think our portions are particularly big, but that will be the next thing I try and address.

FizzBombBathTime · 21/01/2017 12:03

baby how am I in denial? I've just said that smoking hasn't made me ill yet

That's not denial Confused

Original poster
penciltop · 21/01/2017 12:04

I would think if they are blaming it on something else e.g. big bones then it means there's nothing they can do about it and it's not their fault. Whereas if it is due to overeating then it is their problem. Possibly

I think that is true in the case of my friend. She says sporty people are naturally heavier. She did sports for years but hasn't for the last 10 years due to her size. She even said her doctor said she can eat what she wants because of her big bones

I think it bothers her because she talks about diets and food a lot. She got quite upset when I said my New Years resolution was to do more exercise. She warned me about losing too much. I am overweight!

OP posts:
Original poster
penciltop · 21/01/2017 12:06

Please feel free to take the moral high ground over fat people and continue to make us feel bad

Not sure if you read my OP properly, I am fat myself!

OP posts:
LostMyDotBrain · 21/01/2017 12:07

But there is a positive slant to binge eating. Eating feels good, food tastes wonderful, it makes us happy, it fills us up, it provides comfort, it takes away hunger and pain. If there was no positive slant to binge eating nobody would do it. Just like nobody would take drugs or drink to excess or do anything else bad for us if there were no positives and we weren't getting anything out of it.

Well, end this enormous struggle and let yourself pile the weight on if you think binge eating is such a wonderful thing. Don't come onto a thread about weight and tell someone who struggles with binge eating that actually the struggle of binging and being fat isn't as hard as the struggle of feeling hungry and being healthy FFS. Seriously, what's going through your head that made you think this was a good case to try and argue?

yeOldeTrout · 21/01/2017 12:09

Adults can say what they want about selves. Including self-delusion.

What gets me is people who are in denial about what they could do to help their fat kids not be fat. From people who otherwise seem quite organised and capable in their lives.

"Oh yes we're very worried she might be obese like her mother" So why did you switch from walking to driving to school every day?

"He's just big like his dad" I've seen his dad, he's not even plump

"I suppose he does drink a lot of smoothies" yes and they are too calorific for a four-yr-old, if you stopped to think about it

"Yes I have to buy her trousers that are 4 yrs older than their actual ages & I'm spending an fortune in getting the hems taken up" So why do you drive every day to school, why do you make them eat all their tea & why don't you take them to the park to run around?

And yes I DO KNOW these parents could do different in their lives. Have time to walk to school, could take them to park more or deny them smoothies. They just... don't. Confused Sad

RortyCrankle · 21/01/2017 12:09

I'm overweight and am fully aware of it. The problem is I have no idea what to do about it. I'm disabled, can't walk without a walking frame, also have endocrine and thyroid issues which don't help. I lead a very sedentary life so only eat one meal a day which is usually meat and 2 veg, have a lot of pain until hopefully an op in the next couple of months - one of my replacement hips has come out of socket and arm of prosthesis is grinding against the inside of the bone. Can do upper body exercises but they don't shift the fat round my waist.

Any ideas?

Brightredpencil · 21/01/2017 12:12

Like I said OP try empathy occiasionally and congratulations for positioning yourself so you are not AS FAT as your friend (and therefore much better able to pass judgement). You're quite obviously taking the imaginary high ground here and perpetuating all of this shit. Why?!

Original poster
penciltop · 21/01/2017 12:16

Rorty 5:2 diet works well for people who can't exercise. My friend tried it and the weight shifted quickly.

OP posts:
Clnz4fun · 21/01/2017 12:17

I don't think it's blatant denial op in some cases, maybe they can't see in the mirror what others see.
Post dc I gained almost 4 stone but according to bmi and gps was still healthy and about a size 12 I was still trying to squeeze into size 8 as I didn't really see the obvious for some time.
I was happy actually but I looked fat, I didn't really see it until a few months ago when someone sent me a picture of myself and I looked huge.

Again when the weight dropped off I didn't notice til I was pulling my trousers up all the time and my tops were gaping.

I'm now less that the weight I was before dc but still healthy according to bmi.Confused. I don't put too much trust into bmi, you can be skinny or slim and still be unhealthy.

It is all about what you eat and how you eat it versus activity.

BrondeBombshell · 21/01/2017 12:18

I think you're brave posting this but you're right imo.
To answer the question though I guess it's a self-protection mechanism. Like, I believe that I look younger than my age. Do I really though. Maybe I'm in denial. So the answer is self-protection mechanisms because being down on yourself achieves nothing.

Gwenhwyfar · 21/01/2017 12:19

Brightedpencil - are you saying we shouldn't be allowed to talk about the obesity crisis? Do we ALL have to be in denial about it? OP hasn't said anything nasty as far as I can see.

Original poster
penciltop · 21/01/2017 12:20

I know people who openly admit they dont like vegetables or fruit and dont exercise and are slim

I think just like overweight people underestimate what they eat. Some slim people over estimate what they eat.

I don't think genetics solely accounts for the morbid obesity that is common now. Over eating plays a huge role.

My friend has a metabolic disorder and in order to maintain her weight she has to eat significantly less than most people to keep at a healthy weight. She said it is possible but she has to accept her body needs a lot less food

OP posts:
Fishcakey · 21/01/2017 12:20

I'm not exactly massive but there are certain people (like my once very obese but now skinny SIL) who go on and on and on about diets and always have to comment on my weight who I would NEVER admit to caring to. As far as they are concerned I love my fat arse! I love pies! I love lard!