To wonder why some people are in denial about their weight?

[penciltop]

Not criticising anyone here but just wondering.

I had a morbidly obese friend who says she is that size because she is muscular and has 'big bones'. I don't comment but she clearly has a lot of fat on her body and she does overeat.

I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger. People say it is because of genetics. Everyone is overweight in their family and that is the reason they are.

I know weight loss isn't easy - trying to lose weight myself! - but surely pretending it is because of reasons outside of your control isn't going to help. People keep telling me I am fine and I don't need to lose weight. Err yes I do according to BMI. I am in the overweight category

Not denying the reasons for people who have real medical reasons such as disabilities or because of medication

When you are overweight you often spend so much time and energy self loathing, crying and hating yourself that sometimes it's nice not to for a bit, to maybe think that your desperate unhappiness isn't totally your own fault.

Maybe it's because they don't want to be judged and don't want people to know they have an overeating issue because they are embarrassed and ashamed.

Maybe they need to break the cycle of self loathing to get to a point where they're ready to address the problem.

Maybe they are just in denial

Some people are fat because they unknowingly eat too much, some people are fat because of illness, some people are fat because of medication, some people are fat because they have an eating disorder, some people are fat because they are having a really shitty time and food is their crutch, some people are fat because they are greedy.

Without knowing any of this it's probably best not to make any judgements on others. Saying well I know I'm overweight so I'm on a diet so why don't they do the same is as stupid as wondering why someone is addicted to heroin when you know taking it is bad for you. The point is you think like you and they think like they do. Not everyone sees themselves and the world in the same way...thank fuck.

Justanotherposter00 - not strictly true is it? The cost of obesity to the NHS and therefore the taxpayer or anyone else needing medical care is significant. And those who love you are faced with issues - worries about your health; the risk of your kids also being overweight due to your choices; getting teased at school etc.

Not fat bashing as I am fat myself, but these are all major reasons why I am trying to lose weight myself!

I can't believe anyone actually believes there are such things as 'heavy bones'. You've only got to look at the human skeleton (loads of pics online) and the only differencials are age and sex. I've yet to see some elephant size leg bones on a human skeleton. Your skeleton reflects your overall height and age so that would relate to BMI measurement and therefore is an irrelevance.

I also know a man who is obese but says he is healthy because he plays football and is very active.

It's just so easy in today's world to overeat and eat rubbish and so bloody hard to lose weight. I'm not overweight myself but on the odd occasion, like post Christmas, I need to lose a few pounds, it really kills me.

I can't be arsed arguing this morning. Every bloody thread I go on these days someone is pulling me up

Go and have a cuppa and do something fabulous for you today if you can

I wouldn't want you to feel got at for something I've said, it's just that you've said something that doesn't tally with my experience so I've politely questioned it.

Take care

"I have come across other people too who say people are healthier these days so are going to be bigger."

I don't believe this is entirely untrue for those who are modern sized 8/10/12.

There was a thread recently asking what your 10 year old's waist measurement was, and I found out my short, 4st DD has a 22 inch waist on the back of it.

That used to be considered a normal waist measurement for an adult woman back in the days when every one ate soup for dinner, but I do have my doubts that it's something an adult woman should aim for now I know what it really looks like.

Obviously there are lots of people who are too far at the opposite end of the spectrum (myself included), but it really did make me stop and think.

RebelRogue There is a good way to lose weight with NO calorie counting, or anything like it. I did it and have maintained my target 3 stone off for well over 4 years . It's with Paul Mckenna . It works for people with 10 stone or 1 stone to lose !!!

It's not a diet as such it re-educates your body ; you have to eat WHEN YOU ARE HUNGRY stop when you're FULL It includes eating healthily and eating SLOWLY really enjoying your food (you can't eat shit when you eat and chew properly slowly). Not standing up or in front of a screen when you start. Give it a go.

FizzBombBathTime

Sorry, the "happy" comment was about the anorexic person. You might be very happy as a smoker, but you are not healthy, and deep down you know it. (ex smoker here )

mambo there might be stuff going on inside I don't know about but I have no adverse side effects yet (I do accept that at 23 it likely wouldn't be showing yet!!)

I did wonder about the happy thing 😂

I think we have a lot less control over what size/shape we are than is currently believed.

I eat a reasonable amount and am fairly slim. When younger I was very skinny. I know a lot of people on diets who appear to eat hugely less than me and who are much bigger than me. They can't all be secret eaters!

mambono5 No one has claimed ever that being overweight is healthy (nice straw man though). What people have claimed is that it's absolutely none of anyone else's business and you should keep your mouth shut about it. Most people don't organise their lives to optimise their health - we eat too much sugar, don't exercise enough, drink too much, don't get enough sleep.

Most of us would be annoyed if we constantly had to justify how much sleep we got or why we had two glasses of wine instead of just the one.

For some reason it's only if the unhealthy behaviour leads to weight gain that people feel they have some right to comment on it.

When does she say she's that size because she 'has big bones'? Does she bring it up out of the blue or is it when food and diet are being discussed? There's a strong chance she just doesn't want to honestly join in conversations about food and diet because she is is overweight and struggling to change it. It doesn't mean she's 'in denial'.

fizz I hope you won't take offence to this and I mean it in the nicest possible way, but you are proving the "denial" point made by others on this thread...

Smoking is of course just one of many possible vices though (I certainly have my own).

I remember at school, during some science lesson or other we had to weigh and measure ourselves and make some sort of calculation. Anyway, I did the thing and got the number and took it to the teacher. Fine.

5 minutes later I was called up to her desk and told my calculations were right but the numbers I'd used were 'clearly wrong' and made to get on the scales in front of the whole class which sounds awful but wasn't, she was very nice with it. My numbers were right and my teacher was mortified.

It could well have been BMI. I think it must have been. I was / am short, slim and muscular but have a large frame for my size, huge hands and feet, big rib cage.

BMI is a handy tool but surely well acknowledged to have flaws.

When does she say she's that size because she 'has big bones'? Does she bring it up out of the blue or is it when food and diet are being discussed?

She brings it up herself. She is always trying to eat healthier so talks about food a lot. She then ends up explaining she is the weight she is because of big bones and also sports she played 15 years ago.

oh dear, a fatty thread. It won't end well!

I think you have found the answer right at the start; they are in denial.
This is because it's too hard for them to take action, they can't be arsed with the hard slog of changing their habits, and they put their heads in the sand and think 'it won't happen to them'. ( ie illnesses.) Making small changes like 30 mins walking a day, giving up sugar in tea and coffee , not buying and eating cakes or pizzas are all within people's ability, but they just don't want to.

I also think that people are in denial about what their quality of life will be like if they don't take action.

I know people who say they'd be happier to die at 75 and not 90 (and therefore it's fine to shorten their life by being overweight or smoking) but what they don't understand is that from 60-80 they may be in very poor health ( 2/3rds of over 60s have a chronic health issue) and have poor quality of life, being a burden to their children or partner.

mambo your vitriol with regard to some mumsnetters defending others is worrying. There are many reasons people are overweight and they're not all to do with over eating. There are many reasons people defend those who are overweight and they're not all good reasons, but some of them are.There are many reasons people overeat, perhaps a bit of empathy would be kinder.

That's true about the BMI Marlene

It's also true that some people will get fat on the same type of food that others won't. (That must be true or we would all be skinny or all obese would n't we?).

a) When people say 'big bones' I don't think they generally mean actual bigger or heavier bones, they mean they are heavy set/chunkier. I'm a slim-ish size 8 but I have chunky arms and legs for e.g..

b) There are loads and loads of people in denial about what they eat. Just go on the forums on My Fitness Pal and people who ask for advice on why they are not losing weight are always told to measure and weigh food, even if it's just for a while to get a gist of portions. Those people fight and fight against this advice and insist they don't overheat. They invariably come back and say you were right I was overreacting.

c) People over estimate exercise calories burned. A gentle 30 min gym workout three times a week will 'buy' you back about three slices of toast a week. And don't even get me started on the bloody counting steps thing! I walk everywhere and never count steps against food, if I did I'd me mahoosive!

*overreat

they can't be arsed with the hard slog of changing their habits, and they put their heads in the sand and think 'it won't happen to them'.
In some cases, not all.

Does it affect you that she's in denial? Presumably not. So why waste the energy judging her and posting about her? She's probably had enough of people telling her to lose weight etc.

*overreating

Fuck you autocorrect