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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel absolutely dreasful about asking parents for equity release.

383 replies

Meluamelua · 20/01/2017 10:33

Just that really.

I'm in a very difficult position with a one pre school DC and one school aged dc and working part time. Unfortunately h left me two years ago (there were problems but I would have worked at it- he is now unemployed and living at his mums). Our home is rented and the land lord has made noises about wanting to sell for the equity. A little, cheap house has come up locally to buy (unusual as is an area with low housing stock) and I could just about do it if one or other of my parents released a relatively small amount of equity (about 100K each) Between them their homes are valued at about 3.5 milion. They have never given me any money before.
My mum is livid I have even asked her and says I am spoilt and grasping. My dad simply put the phone down on me. My brother said I should expect these reactions.

I feel dreadful. Is it so bad to ask this of them? At the end of the day it is security for their grandchildren while still school age and the money will go to them eventually in some form.

Am I naive, grabby, entitled?

Perfectly prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. Go easy though I'm a bit sore from all the stress!

OP posts:
BananaPie · 20/01/2017 10:36

How would your parents pay the additional mortgage from the equity release? Could be around £500 a month to pay back a £100k loan.

FourToTheFloor · 20/01/2017 10:36

Personally I think if your dp could afford to help you but choose not to they are arseholes. But that's not the general line on MN and you'll probably get told you're being grabby.

IrregularCommentary · 20/01/2017 10:37

I can't imagine asking my Mum for that sort of money tbh, but I equally don't think she'd have a go at me or put the phone down on me.

I do think yabu to expect that much money though - you say they've never given you money before so I'm not sure £100k was the amount to start of with...

showcropper · 20/01/2017 10:38

YAVVVU. 100k each? Yes some parents offer to help their kids out when buying a home, but usually if they have cash to spare, and are happy to OFFER. You are asking your parents to take on a very large debt so you can be more comfortable. How you ever thought this was ok is beyond me!

Your parents don't owe you or your kids anything.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/01/2017 10:38

How are you going to pay them back? Or are you expecting them to give you the money and pay back the loan aswell?

TheWrathFromHighAtopTheThing · 20/01/2017 10:39

It would be nice if they helped you out, but £100k is so much more than helping out!

RubyWinterstorm · 20/01/2017 10:39

isn't "releasing equity" just a fancy way of saying take out a loan or mortgage?

So if your parents give you £100k, it is a loan they will have to repay the bank.

Would they have the means to pay off this mortgage? Do they have enough income?

Essentially you are asking them to take on debt to help you out.

Also, IMO, 100k is a big ask

It's a shame they are not helping you out in a difficult situation though, would they help babysit so you can up your hours?

Do you qualify for any benefits?

Grindelwaldswand · 20/01/2017 10:39

A small loan of £100k each Hmm yh not much at all that, I'd put the phone down too. Why can't you just rent somewhere else cheaper if your LL is selling

RogueStar01 · 20/01/2017 10:40

I'd have asked if my P were that wealthy and if my DDs were in your shoes and I was sitting on huge house wealth i hope i'd downsize for my dc and my gdc. I'd hope i was a good enough person to do that when the time comes. Yes it's not ideal to have to ask and £100k is a lot to ask each parent for, but you're obviously desperate and in a tough spot. I think your brother's right though, you weren't wrong to ask, but your parents obviously might've reacted badly. I don't think a lot of them for it though if they could easily help you.

BreezyThursday · 20/01/2017 10:40

I thought going by title you were going to say they could ill afford money they were going to give you, hence feeling guilty.
I'm not judging whether or not they should give you the money, but you shouldn't be made to feel guilty about asking if you felt they might actually be willing to help and their reactions sound unreasonably unpleasant - do you have a strained relationship anyway?

Dare I ask how much this 'cheap house' actually costs (where I live 100K would buy you a small little thing outright with money left)??

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 20/01/2017 10:41

Asking your parents to effectively remortgage their house for you is not something I would do, no. If you can't afford to buy now, you'll have to rent.

Parents have an obligation to raise you to an adult, they really don't have to financially support adult kids, even if they can afford to.

pinkyredrose · 20/01/2017 10:41

It could be seen as a bit grabby but it depends how much it costs them to do that. Maybe if you asked them for it as an advance inheritance and when the time comes you get £100,000. less than your brother as you've already had it?

It's a lot of money however you look at it. Could your exs parents help? It's thier grandchild too.

NapQueen · 20/01/2017 10:42

Why do you need 200k to buy a house? That's a ridiculous deposit! How much could you get a mortgage for on your wage?

Underthemoonlight · 20/01/2017 10:43

Are you asking for equity as a form of inheretance or as loan? The house your looking at must be big to warrant 200k between your DF and DM. You parents don't owe you money it's not a right not sure why you thought they should let alone ask.

RogueStar01 · 20/01/2017 10:43

come on, it's obvious that one or both parents could downsize slightly and easily release that much equity. They're hardly going to be eating beans to repay a loan if they're sitting on that much housing wealth.

2014newme · 20/01/2017 10:44

I wouldn't have asked them for £100k. I would have said a house has come up that I am interested in and I wonder if you could give me some advice on how I may afford it, I would appreciate your advice as you have experience with property.
Maybe they would have offered.

You aren't money grabbing just a parent desperate to have a secure home but it maybe that your parents want to to stand on your own two feet as an adult and be independent.
Good luck

user1484317265 · 20/01/2017 10:44

You asked your parents to remortgage their homes to each give you ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS?

And you think this perfectly normal behviour and are surprised anyone would have a problem with this "small" request for money?

How did you propose the money would be paid back? Or did you not think about that?

reallyanotherone · 20/01/2017 10:44

100k a "small amount" of equity?

So you are asking them to take the risk and finance 200k of loans? What are you pitting into it? How much are you raising via mortgage?

Is the 200k the entire amout or a deposit?

How are you going to pay them back if you can't pay a mortgage? Have you even thought about repayments?

Tbh rates are so low these days you're probably just as well getting a mortgage. If you can't get one you can't afford to repay your parents either.

It would be less cheeky to ask your parents for a contribution to the deposit, with clear agreement for repayments, and get a mortgage for the bulk, like anyone else.

I have a lot of equity in my house, bit couldn't afford repayments on 100k mortgage to release equity.

empirerecordsrocked · 20/01/2017 10:45

You don't get the equity for nothing they will have to mortgage it. How old are they do they even have the income to do it? If they're retired I don't think they'd be able to get a mortgage anyway regardless of the value of the house.

YABU. Maybe you could have asked them to help you with the deposit not buy you a whole house!

Original poster
Meluamelua · 20/01/2017 10:45

Thanks for all responses. I do agree they are not expected to fund an adult child.

The interest is 4.4 percent and compound, and I would pay that. I am not asking them to service the loan.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/01/2017 10:47

come on, it's obvious that one or both parents could downsize slightly and easily release that much equity.

What if OPs siblings then want the same? Do they move again?

It isn't that simple.

Underthemoonlight · 20/01/2017 10:48

How could you afford the repayments if you work PT?

user1484317265 · 20/01/2017 10:48

If you can service 200k of loans on your part time job, why not just get a mortgage yourself?

stitchglitched · 20/01/2017 10:48

I can't imagine ever asking that of my parents tbh. Mine lent me just over £1000 last year to help with an unexpected expense. I didn't ask, they offered and I paid it off asap with a set amount each month. I felt uncomfortable enough owing that much. £200k? Bloody hell!

RogueStar01 · 20/01/2017 10:48

it could well be that simple. Howmany siblings do you have op? Parents with assets worth 3.5£m have plenty of options. Of course they can and have said no and acted outraged. I don't know if Op's attitude hasn't helped saying it's a small amount of money when it is a huge amount to most people but although it's not simple I can understand why she asked.

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