To feel absolutely dreasful about asking parents for equity release.

[Meluamelua]

Just that really.

I'm in a very difficult position with a one pre school DC and one school aged dc and working part time. Unfortunately h left me two years ago (there were problems but I would have worked at it- he is now unemployed and living at his mums). Our home is rented and the land lord has made noises about wanting to sell for the equity. A little, cheap house has come up locally to buy (unusual as is an area with low housing stock) and I could just about do it if one or other of my parents released a relatively small amount of equity (about 100K each) Between them their homes are valued at about 3.5 milion. They have never given me any money before.
My mum is livid I have even asked her and says I am spoilt and grasping. My dad simply put the phone down on me. My brother said I should expect these reactions.

I feel dreadful. Is it so bad to ask this of them? At the end of the day it is security for their grandchildren while still school age and the money will go to them eventually in some form.

Am I naive, grabby, entitled?

Perfectly prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. Go easy though I'm a bit sore from all the stress!

How much is the house that you want to buy that requires a £200k investment? Presumably you are in the South east or Similarly priced area? How will you pay a mortgage with only a part-time income? I think you're going to have to work full time and try and make this work yourself. I'm sure in your situation my mum would try and help me in some way financially if she could... probably by suggesting I move in with her in order to save up. However I think YABU to expect them to release a large amount of equity in houses that I presume they've worked to buy and pay off.

It is a relatively small in comparison to the joint worth of their homes, no? In the south east so 300K seems to be how much small house costs. I could relocate but I'm trying to avoid instability of house moves for the kids.

The interest is 4.4 percent and compound

What if interest rates go up? Have you tried to get a mortgage at all?

I would never have asked, ever.

I thought you were going to say it was a couple of grand!

Personally I would help my child or grandchildren if I could. Better spending it on them than paying care home fees.

come on, it's obvious that one or both parents could downsize slightly and easily release that much equity. They're hardly going to be eating beans to repay a loan if they're sitting on that much housing wealth.

Aw that's ok then they can just go through the process of downsizing nm if they enjoy they're home and don't want to leave how selfish of them

It is a relatively small in comparison to the joint worth of their homes, no?

It is their home the value of it is irrelevant.

What if you default on payments etc.

I'm not sure I'd release equity, mind.

wow ok all families are different but... this is not something I would expect my parents to do, no.

come on, it's obvious that one or both parents could downsize slightly and easily release that much equity. They're hardly going to be eating beans to repay a loan if they're sitting on that much housing wealth.
You think a parent should have to sell their home and buy a smaller / cheaper one just to lend her the money?!
Yes, if the parents are wealthy it would be nice of them to offer, and I'd hope they would. But asking each of them for £100k when they've never given you anything before is grabby in my opinion. £100k (each!) is a lot but you don't seem (from what you've written) to see that.

Yes all points taken.

It's unreasonable.

I don't understand how you plan to repay 2x £100k loans, plus presumably a further £100k mortgage (if the house is around £300k as you mention) on a part time job.

If you can afford to, why not take out a mortgage for the full amount? If it's a matter of not having a deposit, why are you asking for 2/3 of the value of the house?

a relatively small amount of equity (about 100K each)

Not really a small amount of equity!!

Hmm. If I was your parent and we had a good relationship, with no back story, I'd want to help you out, if I could afford to.

If your parents are v wealthy and have enough spare cash to service the remortgage, then why not. I wouldn't like to see my dc struggling.

Do they think your ex should be paying for his own dc/trying harder to get a job? Do you generally get on well with them?

I cannot image (literally cannot) imagine sitting on a million pound house and watching one of my kid's kids and my grandkids struggle in rented accommodation. Having said that a 200k deposit is a hell of a lot for a small house. Perhaps you should consider focsting before you kids get much older.

We've just downsized.

Bear in mind you will also need to pay land tax, estate agents fees and solicitors fees, plus removal costs, surveyors etc. Plus any personal taste stuff like redecorating the new place.

I reckon it's costing us in the region of 40k-50k to move, not including any new furniture or fittings we may need. So the parents combined would need to release nearer £300k between them to cover costs. Total waste of resources.

Asking elderly parents to go through the stress and upheaval of moving, from a home they probably love and has taken years to get how they want, is not as simple as "oh they could just downsize".

Relocating

I could relocate but I'm trying to avoid instability of house moves for the kids

Just move, your children are very young and won't give two hoots. I moved several times as a child, as have my DC (forces parent) and they are absolutely fine. I'm sorry, but I think you are looking for excuses not to move to a more affordable area and would rather your parents pick up the slack for you

So the GP in question can and have said no. Op, you have to find an alternative plan, given their reactions you're clearly flogging a dead horse. Yes I do think the GP in question should help their daughter, personally I'd not want to see my GC struggling along whilst I sat on a house worth an absolute fortune. Obviously they do though and are of the mindset of a lot of people on this thread that you don't have a right to ask.

Asking them to take out equity release is putting restrictions on them moving in future, the interest will add up quickly. What if they need to pay for care fees when older? Or if house prices crash and they're stuck in their original house they're no longer able to afford to maintain and can't move because of the equity release contract? Unless they're willing to gift you the money, it's very unreasonable.

They don't have any obligation to give you money but to be honest I hope I would never watch my children and grandchildren struggle like that if I could easily help them.

Could you not move in with one set of grandparents? And save for a deposit that way?

How can you afford to service the loan? The repayments would be huge! Am assuming you are a high earner, in which case you should save up.

£100K is not a small amount of equity!! I get annoyed with people seeing their parents money as their own! Its not your inheritance its their money. If they CHOOSE to help you out fair enough and you should be grateful. You need to make your own way in this world.

I hope I would never watch my children and grandchildren struggle like that if I could easily help them

Bloody hell, she's not on the breadline, she just can't afford to buy a £300k home without help! The OP will either have to relocate somewhere cheaper, or continue to rent like millions of other people!

You say if they did it then you'd service the loan.....can't you just get your own mortgage?