To feel absolutely dreasful about asking parents for equity release.

[Meluamelua]

Just that really.

I'm in a very difficult position with a one pre school DC and one school aged dc and working part time. Unfortunately h left me two years ago (there were problems but I would have worked at it- he is now unemployed and living at his mums). Our home is rented and the land lord has made noises about wanting to sell for the equity. A little, cheap house has come up locally to buy (unusual as is an area with low housing stock) and I could just about do it if one or other of my parents released a relatively small amount of equity (about 100K each) Between them their homes are valued at about 3.5 milion. They have never given me any money before.
My mum is livid I have even asked her and says I am spoilt and grasping. My dad simply put the phone down on me. My brother said I should expect these reactions.

I feel dreadful. Is it so bad to ask this of them? At the end of the day it is security for their grandchildren while still school age and the money will go to them eventually in some form.

Am I naive, grabby, entitled?

Perfectly prepared to be told I'm being unreasonable. Go easy though I'm a bit sore from all the stress!

The reaction was ott but it was a huge ask im sorry but they are not responsible for their grandchildrens future. a small loan isn't 200k

To ask your parents for 200 grand in this scenario is in my view very unreasonable, very grabby. Many peoples homes are worth a lot here, and especially if they have lived in them a long time but they may be still be cash poor. Releasing the money, is effectively taking out a loan for you as you well know.

I don't know what planet you live on, but for me, a hundred grand each is a lot of money, this isn't asking for a couple of hundred pounds for a new table.

Have you asked for more stuff from them, is that why you got such short shrift? In my experience, a first request may be met with politely no, but not normally hanging up or being angry. So either you've asked for stuff before or you were not pleasant in the way you asked or even both.

YANBU to feel absolutely dreadful about asking, no.

If I had assets of 3.5m I wouldn't see my children and grandchild without a secure roof over their heads

But they clearly don't see it like that,

presumably they bought for far less than the current value and the increase in equity is just money siphoned out of the economy and pumped into the housing bubble

Bloody hell, she's not on the breadline, she just can't afford to buy a £300k home without help! The OP will either have to relocate somewhere cheaper, or continue to rent like millions of other people!

I would class 'struggling' as being in short term rentals with children. I know that lots of people have to be and make the most of it, but it isn't ideal, particularly when children are at school and have the constant threat of being moved.

Some posters seem to think that as the GPs at least appear to have loads of money, that the amount asked for is nothing - I can't say I agree -

£200k from a combined house value of £3.5m is almost 6%.

If the GPs each lived in a more 'regular' house valued at say £200k each, that's almost £24k between them.

Would people still feel that that's nothing and easily found?

What if they have several children?
What if they have debts/mortgages themselves?

200K is not a lot of money for a house, where I live (not London) 200K gets you a 1 bed flat if you're lucky. It's also a small percentage of what the DPs properties are worth. However it is not a small amount of money. I do think it's unreasonable to ask, especially over a phone call, if I had to ask I would have prepared all the info of how I would pay it back etc. If they had that in spare money then it's not massively unreasonable, but to remortgage is, what if OP loses her job or fails repayments? The responses from the DPs are a bit OTT. I doubt it'll be easy to get a mortgage for that amount on a part time wage.
So there's two choices, rent somewhere else or move in with one of the DPs if that's possible to save for a substantial deposit

do you know whether your parents have other savings outside their houses or good income from pensions op? Can they easily repay the loan or would they struggle? But as I said, in any case you've had a hard no so you'll have to find another way.

RogueStar come on, it's obvious that one or both parents could downsize slightly and easily release that much equity.

Are you kidding? Why the fuck should they?

I don't agree that yabu to ask
I don't think ur dp's are being unreasonable to say no
But I do think they are being unreasonable to react in the way they did. To be so shocked at their own daughter asking to borrow money, if it's true that u have never asked before is completely irrational imo - my own rather poor dm would much rather I asked her before going to a bank and for your do to react by putting the phone down is just weird! Only Imo of course...

why the fuck shouldn't they? They are multi-millionaires with DC living in rental accommodation that is being sold out from under them! You have your views, I have mine.

Am mystified by this - my parents have a much much much cheaper home and when I got into house buying they simply announced they were doing an equity release so I could have a deposit again amount proportionally much smaller

There was no question I was going to pay it back, they just thought it was something parents did.

Which is why I find my ILs mystifying as they sit on £100,000s plus loads in property but will never part with a fiver for their kids, who have nowhere near the same lifestyle as they have. Apparently they are saving it 'for the children' as an inheritance. Came as a shock to them when they did their wills to find out what they had really done was save it up for the government as tax.

I think it was a large amount to ask for (2/3 value of the house - too much) but money for a deposit is not an unreasonable thing to ask about.

Given their responses to her request (not so much the refusal but the way it was refused) I can't imagine either is going to be offering the OP a place to stay.

It's a different world .

A 'cheap little house' needs £200k of loans plus presumably a deposit?

You must have the world's most fabulous part time job if you can service a £200k mortgage on it. I couldn't manage a mortgage of that amount and I earn £40k pa.

4.4% is quite a high interest rate in the current climate - you would get a much lower interest rate on a standard mortgage. Equity release is usually a rip off.

The reaction must have been really hurtful a simple no we cant do that would have been better.

I couldn't be living in a 3.5 mil house while my daughter was renting. But that's just me.

In no universe is a request for £100k "small".

That's all.

Well, it's not unreasonable to ask. It's not unreasonable for your parents to refuse. You do seem to have a sad relationship if that brought so much upset.

I can't understand why so many people here think once a child is an adult it should never receive any help, and should be completely abandoned. Some people seem awfully bitter on here, thankfully other families are much more supportive to each other.

The amount you need is huge OP. Your parent might have a £1million house each, but if they bought them many years ago, it does not mean they are cash rich, or that they ever had a big mortgage. Don't forget how much the prices have gone up in 20 years! I think they are wrong to be so unpleasant, but practically it's not that easy.
Past a certain age, and work situation, it's not that easy to remortgage! You can't expect them to downsize either.

At the end of the day it is security for their grandchildren while still school age and the money will go to them eventually in some form. in this you are completely wrong. In the UK, they are perfectly entitled to will their money/ property to anyone they chose. In theory, a charity or a friend could inherit everything. Your parents might need expensive care in the future, and no money will be left when they pass away. In that statement, you do sound a bit grabby.

They are multi-millionaires
On paper. It's not the same as cash in the bank. My house is worth a fair few bob (sadly not 3.5 million or even close) but if I sold it (for a profit over what I paid) then I'd still be spending a lot to get a decent sort of place round here just because of property prices. To get £100k free (taking estate agents etc into account) I'd be buying something tiny or seriously grotty, or having to move to a totally different area miles and miles away.

I can't imagine my dm being 'livid' for anything I asked for. Even if she couldn't afford the money (which I wouldn't ask for because she has none to spare) She would at the very least try to help in any way she could.

I think it's the parents reaction that has really upset the op and maybe there are other issues at play here.

I think that whilst your parents have a lot of equity, that's not the same as having cash as others have pointed out. To release that equity, they would have to either sell their much loved home (and have all the stress that goes along with a house move, one that they haven't chosen and may not want) or take on £100K mortgage each. That would be in the region of £700-800 per month for them to repay each.

This wasn't a small ask OP.

I don't think you have thought this through and as such your parents are cross.

How are THEY supposed to draw down that money? If they are older the bank might not let them remortgage.

You say you can pay them back and service a small mortgage, but on PT hours....how?? Even with a very small 33/66 LtV mortgage your still looking at few hundred pounds, then council tax, utilities, maintenance (1/2% of the house value annually). What if you lose your job? Then what?

Would they be more interested in listening if you were to lay out some sort of plan for them?

I wonder why they are reluctant to help you, it does seem harsh.

My husband said family are wealthy and we asked for a £5k loan to help us with some
Of the upfront cash costs of house buying. We have a direct debit each month now to pay them back. They could well afford to waive that cash, but wouldn't neither would we expect them too!

Good luck.

I cannot image (literally cannot) imagine sitting on a million pound house and watching one of my kid's kids and my grandkids struggle in rented accommodation.

Exactly this. Beyond that, their reactions were rude. Surely, even if they found your request unreasonable, they could have said something along the lines of, "Very sorry, but we've got other plans for that money / we're not in a position to do that."

What is your relationship with them like generally OP? Do they disapprove of your life choices or summat?

I agree that equity release is an inefficient use of resources

RogueStar come on, it's obvious that one or both parents could downsize slightly and easily release that much equity. Are you kidding? Why the fuck should they?