To wonder why some people think girls are more troublesome to bring up than boys?

[FirstOfHerName]

My cousin is pregnant with her second child. Her oldest is a 4yo boy. She's just found out that baby no 2 is a girl and said her DP is disappointed as he was hoping for another boy so he could play football with his sons, and also because girls are more of a hassle to raise. In fact, they're both in agreement on this latter point.

They have every right to have a preference for the sex of their child of course, everyone has, but AIBU to think the whole "girls are more trouble" attitude is stupid and sexist?Kids are kids!

Think there may be some truth though that many boys live in the present and don't overthink things like relationships/rows at this age - whereas girls are more sensitive to stuff and have longer term or more anxious fall outs etc.

Why would you put this down to gender rather than personality though?

My DTD is boisterous, sociable, plays wrestling with her friends, is brave and doesn't easily get scared, doesn't overthink relationships/rows whereas my DTS is sensitive, scared, doesn't like rough play at all, gets very offended easily, cries easily etc

My ASD DD (obviously) doesn't deal well at all with social situations but this is due to ASD not gender. Her older brother is a straight mix of stereotypically boy and girl attributes, he is highly emotionally intelligent for example, quite sensitive but secure in himself, very sociable, is happy helping littler children or playing wild games with older kids.

All my children have different personalities but they are an even split of boy, girl, boy, girl.

It is creepy to me to think biology influences personality in a child that has no adult hormones etc people's ideas about gender really do influence children's development though which to me is absolutely shocking.

I thought I was a boy until I went to school and found out I wasn't. That happened because of uniform and because I had 'boy' interests, why can't children just be children why do there have to be 'girl' things and 'boy' things?

Well my ds is much harder work than dd. She is easy going, kind and even though hormonal is not too much bother bar a few friendship issues. Ds has asd and can be very hard work. Depends on the child.

Is it maybe due to the influence of hormones on teenage girls?

I'd say mine are very different to raise. I have one DD aged 9 and one DS age 4. I'd say my son is more straightforward. Same tantrums as DD etc etc and he needs a lot of ways of burning off energy so he burns off all mine too. My DD takes up my mental energy. She'll be more clever (or so she thinks) by going behind my back. She is currently harder for me as a parent with pre-pubescent hormones kicking in. Yet at 4 she'd let me choose her clothes whereas DS has to choose everything himself. He has very clear ideas about what he's wearing. Friendship issues at school are awful for DD. The girls are awful to each other but I hear from friends with boys that the boys can be mean, but not always in the same way. My DD had some bullying about being adopted but that was from a boy. I'd say all our children are individuals. Generally boys seem more cuddly and more open to interpretation yet those testosterone surges are like being hit by a hurricane (or one of the endless sticks that need to be banged on everything). He can literally roar like a lion and I'm wItung for him to start thumping his chest. However being a girl myself I'd say we are complex creatures. Our hormones bring us all sorts depths. I'd agree we use different terminology for the same behaviour which possibly is sexist. I think it's the hip swinging that brings the word "diva" though. My DS throws things when he's angry, I've never seen the hand on the hip from him like with DD. However do they just pick this stuff up as they model their behaviour from their peers (and, dare I say it....us)? So yet I'd say my children of opposite sexes are very different but then so are me and my sister and I think some diversity is great as a parent. It keeps me from getting bored and means I can express different parts of my personality with their different ones too.

I will just finish by saying as someone who was unable to have children naturally, just be thankful for what you have. Children are a miracle that not everyone can make. Celebrate the gift you've been given. Whatever their sex you have the joy of knowing your child's whole history and are able to protect them right from conception. That is a gift beyond measure for you both. Xx

I used to live next door to a boys' secondary school and it was incredible the 'bitchy' conversations I used to hear, who said what to whom, you're not my friend, conversations about clothes etc. It certainly opened my mind to the complexity of male teenage friendships - perhaps they don't open up to their families about all this due to societal expectations but it all definitely happens.

I only have a 4-yr-old DS so not much parenting experience to offer, but he is equally happy running around letting off steam or sitting doing jigsaws. As soon as he does anything boisterous I get the 'typical boy' comments though. I see lots of b/g parents subconsciously passing on gender stereotypes to their children and then claiming proof of gender difference when they behave differently. I am sure I do the same - and sometimes consciously too, even though I try not to (e.g. superhero toys, clothes colours etc.)

I think most children are a mix of pre-set personality, parental and societal influences, and hormones. While the hormones are of course different in boys & girls, imo the influences are mostly responsible for this idea of gender difference, and individual personalities are unique and non-gendered.

I find this old adage holds true - A son is a son until he takes a wife, a daughter is a daughter all her life. I've one of each, and if I didn't chase up my son, I'd rarely see him. My daughter is my shadow, for which I am very grateful, particularly as I get older. Oh, and in my opinion girls are much easier to raise, more independent, less hyper, better mannered, and more considerate of others at a younger age. I was able to take her out in public under the age of 10, without strict warnings. Not so, my son!😜 But boys are more openly loving when they're young. And are still very loving when they're older (when no-one else is about!😀)

I agree with Tess123. My dc are still young but from what I've seen around me, daughters stay close to their mothers and sons less so.

My own DM is dead but all my girlfriends see their mothers all the time. Dinners during the week, shopping at weekends etc. Even during my teenage years, I remember my friends would spend every Saturday shopping with their mums. Then when women have babies, their DC always seem naturally closer to their family rather than the father's family.

I've raised as a nanny three baby girls and one baby boy.

They were all different. Girls are more stubbon then boys and boys are often harder to potty train. But I enjoy both.

I have stepsons and two DD's. Having been in the boys lives since they were tiny, I'd agree they were much easier to raise. My girls are loud, dramatic, need constant attention, can be spiteful and are generally very hard work. Boys in comparison (huge generalisation I know) seem much more straightforward.

Do people honestly look at their new born babies and believe that if a girl, this beautiful new human, who has no idea what sex or gender she is, is going to grow up being more difficult to raise because of her biology?

I was raised a feminist. I treated my dc all the same. No difference at all.

From birth all the ds were easy and good sleepers.

From birth dd was more demanding.

Dd is the youngest now at 10. Needs lots of attention, cries over everything and is stubborn and awkward as hell. She is still lovely though .

Ds's were easy going, less dramatic and generally more placid.

Bit I raised them the same..... -and had no expectations of either gender as to how they would turn out

Load of rubbish. I have a lovely 6 year old daughter. Loving and friendly, polite and kind child. I've heard that about girls, I even had some comments "wait until she is a teenager" I don't let those comments affect me as it's all about how you treat your child irrespective of their sex and that helps determine their personality. Perhaps those who've had bad experiences with girls being difficult then they should look at how they parent instead of generalising that all girls are difficult to raise. Each person has their own personality irrespective of their sex.

Ok but to all the 'my girl is different to my boy' posters why do you assume that is because they are different genders and not that they are different people?!

Having one of each, i can definitely say that they have been mischievous in different ways, none more so than the other. I do find that society can at times deem a girls behaviour less acceptable than if it were a boy portraying the same behaviour, 'boys will be boys' i would often hear from school, friends, neighbours, strangers on a bus etc...where as if my DD acted up i'd get looks and one guy telling me she needed a good smack just cos she was crying having been upset!!
My DH does all sorts of activities with our DD, wall climbing, bowling, cycling, all bonding exercises which is all men generallly mean when they say they want a boy to play footie with.

I think my cousin's DH isn't referring to the theoretical girl when she's a child, rather when she's a teenager and can be "trouble". So the whole policing of girls' sexuality etc. He's not very bright, how he got to be a deputy head teacher is besides me!

My DD was quite a demanding small child and has got progressively easier. No trouble at all through her teens. Apart from that I could have howled with laughter at a comment upthread about boys being messier.

mysticTwat spot on

It's about different personalities, not gender in most cases. Many of the 'hormonal' causes kick in later and both sexes have pubertal hormonal surges which may cause moods/aggression/anger. Parenting styles also count for a lot. In my close family, I know of both boys and girls having fairly easy teenage years...no particularly 'difficult' girls

I think boys are (generally) harder when little - rushing around/won't sit still and generally exhausting. However, pay back time is later, when I think boys are a lot easier than girls

I have 2 boys two girls, all brought up the same way, all slightly different, one girl and one boy were difficult the other two not, sex doesnt make any ifference!

I've had four children 2XDD and 2xDS, one now an adult, two teens and one distinctly pre teen. My conclusion is that they're just people. I find it hard to make generalisations like your cousin. I generally find that people who have had more than one child start to recognise that it's individual character that dictates things, not gender. My other conclusion is that boys and girls are all hard work and tricky to deal with at some point, but then I've been doing the teenage thing for years so am a bit jaundiced

I have 3 of each. At the moment I have 2 teen boys, 2 teen girls and one of each as pre teen.
My older 2 boys were much harder work when younger, much more energetic than the girls, as teens the girls are proving much much harder work, the boys are more chilled out.
The youngest boy, however, is a much more gentle soul and I suspect that he will be different again.
I think I would say that girls are easier when they are younger but 'harder' as teens, things seem more complicated with them, but that is my experience of my own children.

I have two of one sex and one of the other.

Two of them love performing, one would rather die.
One finds maths easy, two find it baffling.
Two of them love art and will sit and draw for hours.
One got a job the moment they were old enough, the other two need their arses kicking into gear.
Two of them spend a fortune on clothes and hair products.
Two of them have terrible social anxiety.
Two of them will be a listening ear for worried friends, then fall out with them the next week.
One likes strength training, one prefers to swim, one will decide repeatedly to do Couch to 5K and give up on week 2, all are crap at football.
Two of them worry about their weight.

And I absolutely defy anyone to work out which is which from any of that.