To wonder why some people think girls are more troublesome to bring up than boys?

[FirstOfHerName]

My cousin is pregnant with her second child. Her oldest is a 4yo boy. She's just found out that baby no 2 is a girl and said her DP is disappointed as he was hoping for another boy so he could play football with his sons, and also because girls are more of a hassle to raise. In fact, they're both in agreement on this latter point.

They have every right to have a preference for the sex of their child of course, everyone has, but AIBU to think the whole "girls are more trouble" attitude is stupid and sexist?Kids are kids!

I have two boys and a girl. My hardest child is a boy... and my easiest child is a boy.

So in my (vast) experience I'd say it depends on the child not the sex

When I had just my 2 DDs, friends with boys were forever telling me how much harder it was to raise boys. Now I have a boy as well (and he is sooooo much easier!) they have all backtracked. Girls and boys bring their own different challenges, but on the whole, I would agree that girls are more difficult. In my experience it is due to them being much more emotional than their brother, who is so laid back.

It's sexism pure and simple. Children's behaviour is all down to personality until they are conditioned by what society expects of them. All this "girls are so much more difficult" is a self-fulfilling prophecy (when it's true at all).

My DD is 2, and already, whenever she shows any personality, expresses her own feelings on something, gets cross about something, the comments start "what a little madam" "who's having a mood" "bet you're dreading her as a teenager" etc etc

When a boy shows the same behaviour? "He won't put up with any nonsense!" "He knows his own mind" - said approvingly. Girls are shafted by society before they even start.

Yep, personal opinion here too but my DS is/aways has been a walk in the park compared to my DD. They are only little just yet but most people I know with both would agree that girls are more 'difficult'. Can't count for everyone though, sure there are some girls much easier than boys.

My own personal experience of having two boys is that it's personality that makes them easier or harder to raise.
Mine are like chalk and cheese, I've taken to referring to them as the irresistible force and the immoveable object.
My eldest is sensitive, kind, shy and isn't remotely interested in football. He's turning into a geek just like his mum and dad! We sit and watch Star Wars together.
My toddler is the polar opposite. No sense of danger, rarely shy, already likes kicking a football around.
I could compare them to girls I know of similar ages. Not easier, not harder, just different.
I agree with Somedays it's how the behaviour is described by adults that seems to make the difference. Bad behaviour is often excused in boys that wouldn't be with girls.

I am a gender critical feminist too, and I see children as individuals. If you go in looking for confirmation of girl/boy differences you are likely to find them. I could be wrong, gender traditionalists could be wrong. Who knows for sure..

I was one of three girls, and we were all brought up to do all sorts of 'boy' things including using an axe to chop wood from about age 10, and helping dad change the oil in the car, etc. Somebody had to do it. There were no boys so we girls put on our anoraks and hats we had knitted in handwork class and out we went. We also learned to cook and were encouraged to learn knitting and sewing and domestic arts in general though a lot of that was water off a duck's back for me, to my regret, because I later had to learn on the fly.

I have four DDs, each one of them her own woman, and very different growing up. DS was different too, but I can't ascribe the difference to him being a boy. One of the main differences I noticed was that DS used to like to get down to wheel level to look at how the wheels turned on his truck, while the DDs used to pile dolls and stuffed animals into the truck and incorporate it into a narrative. But DS could also play pretend games, and he had a huge invented story about the building of our house, complete with a name for the man who built it.

The teen years were easy for some and rocky for others. In general, DS was terrific in situations that required harnessing nervous energy - driving test, exams in general, and putting his ears back and studying. The girls were better at steady slogging, but DDs1 and 2 were also great revisers and took exams in their stride. DD3 was a bit more nervous, and DD4 dealt with exams by just ignoring them. Each one different. All of DS's friends are different people too, and their dads have different personalities, deal with things differently. I really don't think we can generalise.

YYY to Somedays, though I think the narrative foisted on boys hurts them considerably too.

Not all boys show the same behaviour as girls. Mine didn't, which is exactly why he's easier!

I was told last week that I need to have a girl (have a DS) so I will understand how easy boys are in comparison. Surely it's individual children not gender that makes the difference?

I agree with Somedays too - you definitely hear different language used around girls which wouldn't be used for boys. It carries through to adulthood too - 'bossy' women and suchlike.

I've got 2 boys and a girl and one of my sons is more similar to my daughter than the two boys are to each other, personality-wise.

So whilst some things I think might be gendered, much more is personality.

I think this is sometimes said by, or to parents that really want a dd.
Just my opinion

I have both.IME boys are definitely easier.

' I think the narrative foisted on boys hurts them considerably too.'

at this point in time, it's generally more socially acceptable for girls not to conform to gender stereotypes than boys. Maybe my DD would have been a 'hassle' if she'd been constrained to an artificial set of expectations.

If you think either a boy or a girl is a hassle because of their sex, you might want to ponder why.

Yes Math it does, I would agree. Women are still getting the worst deal at the moment though and it starts in childhood.

I challenge it whenever people make these comments, for both my sons and daughter, but it makes people very irate when I won't accept I am destined for a nightmare with DD!

What a pile of crap.
I've personally only ever experienced this type of comment going in the other direction, i.e. people telling me they thought girls were easier than boys, which is just as ridiculous. I have 5 children (boys and girls), and am an infant teacher and I think that some children are more difficult than others, regardless of their sex.

And to those people saying they think it so because it's true in their case... really? Your one experience makes it a general rule, then?

Both my boys, now 15 & 18, were, and still are, easy. I am one of 6 girls and some of us were more difficult than others.

After almost 40 years working with children I make the following observations:

The language used for girls and boys by adults absolutely has an effect on their behaviour and sense of importance.

Between the age of 10-13 girls seem to encounter more bullying and 'frenimies' than boys, especially from other girls within their own group. Maybe this period is what parents see as 'difficult'?

Parents like to feel that other parents have it easier or harder than themselves.

And some of the people saying such things haven't had personal experience of both genders so it's anecdotal at best.

Its definitely personality. I have four girls and one boy. My son was always very easy going and so is one of my daughters, they are both just naturally easy going (like me). The other three girls are all quite high maintenance, (like my highly strung dh) albeit in different ways.

Firstof they say they are just easier in general, no stess, emotional drama that you get with girls, both my sisters who had a boy and girl first said they were hoping for a boy third time around as they were easier

I had my oldest 3 in four years and my friend had 3 boys in four years at the same time and the difference I noticed was that the boys were so much more loud, play fighting, in to everything, constant bumps and bruises, in fact it was a joke that my friends son has a bump/bruise to his forehead in every picture for the first 4 years, where as the girls seemed to play more, sits for hours colouring etc.

Like I say I only have 4 girls so can't comment from experience only what people with both have told me

Thefreaksshallinherit oops I did notice that afterwards: That when I posted, I'd extrapolated my own personal experience (largely personality, not gender) into a general rule - sorry. Of course I can't do that. It is only my experience.

I suppose what's been interesting for me, having grown up in a totally female household, is experiencing boy children firsthand, and my experience not conforming to the received wisdom.

People can think something is true in their personal experience without assuming it's the same for everyone and that it must therefore be a general rule.

I just can't get worked up over such throw away comments because I don't take them particularly seriously. In my experience it's true, does it mean I think it's the always the case, nope. Anyone with half a brain knows it's not.

Have only skimmed the thread, but it's because of a load of stupid, sexist reactionary ideas which are still too often promulgated by men and women -- that (a) girls are spiteful, devious and socially sophisticated, while their sexuality needs to be policed and protected, and (b) boys are energetic and very simple animals, Neanderthals whose emotional range extends from 'grunting about the football' to 'grunting about computer games'.

Those kinds of attitudes if left unchallenged grow up into the kind of women who come on here and claim they avoid women because 'women are bitchy gossips and backstabbers who only care about their nails/hair/celebrity gossip'. Or emotionally constipated male thugs for whom the world is a howling desert of baffling emotional demands with an unwavering devotion to Chelsea the only beacon of stability. Only, obviously, it's not funny.

Well I am about to have 2 DDs and whilst I don't know what DD2's temperament will be like, I do know that I've never thought about the fact that DD1 (2.5) has an attitude problem in relation to her being a girl. She's just who she is! Plenty of my friends with girls and boys have the same. We all comfort each other

What a load of old hairy bollocks.

I had 2 of each and all of them were a pain in the arse

As a mum of 4 boys, my experience is the opposite. I frequently get pitying looks about how exhausting it must be, how girls are easier, quieter, have less attitude, the list goes on...

I can honestly say all four of my children have completely different personalities that bear no relation to their genitalia. They've had difficult phases, but generally haven't been any harder or easier to raise than 4 girls would've been.

I have a boy and a girl. I find my son much harder work, mainly because he is so physical and has so much energy. Don't get me wrong, my DD needs exercise as well but not to the same extent. For example, if the weather is bad, my DD will quite happily stay at home, playing, colouring, reading and pottering around. Even on the worst weather days though, I'll have to take my ds out to get some physical exercise otherwise he is climbing the walls. I find it exhausting. I'm not an outdoorsy or sporty person at all. I'm much more similar to my DD in that sense. I love them completely equally but find my DD much easier to parent. Probably because we are more similar.