To wonder why some people think girls are more troublesome to bring up than boys?

[FirstOfHerName]

My cousin is pregnant with her second child. Her oldest is a 4yo boy. She's just found out that baby no 2 is a girl and said her DP is disappointed as he was hoping for another boy so he could play football with his sons, and also because girls are more of a hassle to raise. In fact, they're both in agreement on this latter point.

They have every right to have a preference for the sex of their child of course, everyone has, but AIBU to think the whole "girls are more trouble" attitude is stupid and sexist?Kids are kids!

As a mum of two boys I do get a lot of mums with one of each telling me it must be so easy (never mums of only girls) but I also get a lot of mums telling me how hard they find their son compared to their daughter and how do I manage 2 of them. It doesn't quite even out though. From my observations of mums with one of each (and being very generalised) mums do seem to clash with their daughters more, but partly because they seem to be more invested in the little details of their lives ...possibly because mums seem to have firmer ideas of what their girl should be like because they are a girl whereas boys are a mystery so there is less expectation. I don't mean as in old fashioned stereotypes, i just mean that they are expecting someone like them and then find their daughter has her own opinions. I also see a lot of Dad's finding the 'impossible' daughter quite easy, but struggling with alpha male clashes with their 'easy' son. I tend to think some children are hard and some are easy and different ages and stages suit different children. My mum had only girls and said in her day every one said how easy girls are and it got on her nerves and now she only has grandsons ever one is saying how easy boys are and she says she can't see a difference overall. If your child is struggling at school, ill, being bullied, it doesn't become easy to cope because of their gender

I have one girl and one boy ... boy is waaaay easier

I've had friends say the exact opposite to each other. I only have boys so can't comment as a parent. However, in DH and I's wider family we seem to have a lot of chilled, laid back boys and a lesser amount of girls (boy heavy families) but the girls tend to be more strong willed, independent and vocal. I don't necessarily think that's a bad thing and maybe ultimately these girls are easier to raise when older as at least know what they are thinking. My laid back boys are 16 and 15 ad I wish I knew what was going on in their heads and that (in DS1s case anyway) they would start making their own decisions instead of expecting me and DHto decide for them.

I think personality and genes and parenting style and attitude have a lot more to do with it than gender.

I have a DD (9) and expecting DD2. She's independent, confident to pass opinion on things and stick up for herself- she seems to already have a full range of emotions. This is certainly sometimes more difficult than some of the boys her same age who are much simpler (in the nicest possibly way) but I wouldn't change it for the world - well behaved women rarely make history after all!

I have 2 girls and a boy. The boy is much easier in that he's more laid back, also much more affectionate toward me and generally simpler to understand. Both girls have been very independent and always on the go, they both seem to create more drama, + opinionated - maybe it's hormones? they're both ace but wear me out emotionally and physically whereas ds just doesn't, so in my experience the boy is much easier than either girl but whether this is a gender thing or just different personalities i couldn't say.

Nb - we all play football together, not sure why the father mentioned in the original post was worried about that. In fact dd2 is an excellent footballer, ds just likes a kickabout in the garden for fun if he can be bothered, both are fine.

Yep, yanbu

They sound stupid and sexist.

If you think girls are going to be a lot more trouble, it's likely to be a self-fulfilling prophecy

DD was easy as a baby, birth, weaning just everything really. No dramas just got on with things. DS very lovely but total stretch from eating to being hard work at school - all worked out around 15
. I'm not sure I gel well with these boys are easier than girls types

I have one of each and just think every child is their unique self but they all have a lot in common too - having worked with hundreds!

I think there;s a whole tonne of sexism mixed up in most of these kind of statements.

And I'm kind of shocked/disappointed that MNHQ have billed this as ....
Baby girls - Harder than boys?
Though I guess they'd say that's kind of how the thread turned out
(I wouldn't really know I've not read much of it. Just got in)

Teenage DS some ADHD type tendencies. Can be hyper, stroppy, excitable, difficult! I myself was a quiet, peaceful kind of daughter!

My DD is definitely harder work than her brother was at the same age, its hard to pinpoint but mostly she is impossible to bribe and very stubborn!

Soubriquet

It's because boys behaviour is excused with the "boys will be boys" attitude

I think there is something in this. I see parents with both varieties who seem to subconsciously hold their girls to a higher standard. To expect more of them and give them a bit less freedom. This then feels more like hard work.

One thing I will say is that boys are far far less likely to hold grudges.

Girls can be experts at that.

As a teacher, I've found boys can hold grudges just as much as girls can be forgiving. I don't see a gender split, just individuals.

Really? You don't notice a single difference in teaching all boys or all girls or a mix? You don't notice any difference as you walk around school between a group of boys or girls?

Other differences I notice:
There is a lot more physicality. I can't remember seeing girls holding each other in a headlock for fun, and both parties falling about laughing afterwards. I can't remember seeing a group of boys sitting in a circle cross legged with their packed lunches having a natter. A group of boys knows the exact hierarchy of everyone in the group and can list people according to their status. Girls will have more fluid status levels within their groups. About 95% of boys falling out will make up. Really tends not the case with girls.

There are obviously exceptions and while I obviously see individuals I absolutely definitely see trends of behaviour which are very different between girls and boys.

Children need a lot of time and attention, I have both boys and girls, I have never generalised and thought x gender being harder, I've always went by their personality and temperaments.

You may see these differences, but are those behaviours innate? Playfighting is common in young mammals - is there more of a tendency to discourage girls from doing this, while boys are encouraged or at least not discouraged?

DC1 a whirlwind, never sits still, never listens first time, boisterous, always running, loud, disobedient. Very kind.
DC2 happy to sit and concentrate on something, likes cuddles, very stubborn and wilful. Prone to massive temper tantrums. Very funny. Thoughtful.
They fight and play together in equal measure.

Both the same sex. Both wonderful kids.

Errol - largely innate. Just like male and female monkeys.

I heard this a lot from older women at various places and basically they really meant -girls can get pregnant. So, not worried about boys who might end up murderers, rapists or burgulars then????

Rubbish. DS was an awful baby, an exhausting toddler, and a wild teenager. DD was a baby that always slept, played happily with others or her own as a child, never cheeky or rude and I can count three arguments in all her teenage years.

Love them both equally but no way IMO are girls harder.

"They have every right to have a preference for the sex of their child of course, everyone has, but AIBU to think the whole "girls are more trouble" attitude is stupid and sexist?"

Not everyone does, at all.

This notion that boys will do some activities and girls others is mental. Perhaps they should think they're having a baby, not expectations that their daughter will want to crochet and play barbies.

It's 2017 FFS.

3 boys and one girl.

All are difficult and easy in equal measure and the three boys are not remotely alike.

I can't remember seeing girls holding each other in a headlock for fun, and both parties falling about laughing afterwards. I can't remember seeing a group of boys sitting in a circle cross legged with their packed lunches having a natter.

But we can't decide whether that's 'innate' or learned until we somehow manage to test it on a control group of children who have magically never been subjected to gendered socialisation. And that's so pervasive.

I used to attend a playgroup which was dominated numerically and socially by a cluster of boisterous little girls (the oldest children there, aged four, and heading to school the September following) who would spend the two hours running around the hall roaring and jumping off the stage, making dens out of the chairs, racing the tractors, having often quite physical fights, and taking off their clothes and running around nude. The boys were all a year or a year and a half younger, didn't know one another as well the girls had all played together for years so tended to play solo and not get very involved with the older girls' group.

After a while my three year old son got more confident, and started joining in with the 'big girls' and running around shouting and jumping off things, and a couple of other mothers laughed and made remarks like 'What a boy, eh?' and 'Boys will be boys!' -- even though he was engaging in exactly the same behaviour as the girls had been doing for months. It was as though they only 'noticed' the behaviour when it slotted into their pre-conceived categories of 'boys' behaviour' and 'girls' behaviour.'

I have often heard the expressions "little girls don't do that" to girls climbing trees or "little boys don't..." to playing with dolls, crying, skipping, etc.

I recently has a mother at my house saying she had a daughter because her 7 year old son was crying, FFS. I did explain that my DD rarely cried unlike my second boy.