To wonder why some people think girls are more troublesome to bring up than boys?

[FirstOfHerName]

My cousin is pregnant with her second child. Her oldest is a 4yo boy. She's just found out that baby no 2 is a girl and said her DP is disappointed as he was hoping for another boy so he could play football with his sons, and also because girls are more of a hassle to raise. In fact, they're both in agreement on this latter point.

They have every right to have a preference for the sex of their child of course, everyone has, but AIBU to think the whole "girls are more trouble" attitude is stupid and sexist?Kids are kids!

Wait until they hit 10/11 then you'll know what everyone was going on about. Cliches are sadly based on real life experience.

I get the opposite remarks! I have three sons and two step daughters....
I often hear remarks like " Oh I bet it's lovely when the girls come , they're not as boisterous or messy as boys!" Well actually they all have their moments! I couldn't ever relate to gender stereotyping .
Kids throw up their challenges regardless of gender.

My DM says boys are harder until puberty and girls are harder after puberty. So far I'd say she had it about right, though of course we only have a small sample size between us.

All the research (not just what people have observed in their personal studies of their own children) shows no difference between genders when kids are young. Our society (heading in the same direction as America) attributes certain characteristics to each gender and most adults often unwittingly encourage these by reinforcing the behaviours they want to see. I have one of each and find how they are treated at school very uncomfortable. I want both my kids to both be active and caring and grow into adults like this too! What are they hoping these little people will turn into?

Reading the OP has really upset me. That poor child has been branded before she's even been born!

Some people have no idea how incredibly lucky they are.

What totally bigoted and ignorant individuals

As someone who has 2 boys and 2 girls I can say it is absolutely nothing to do with their sex but the personality of the child
Ds 1: lovely, obedient well behaved
Dd2: practically perfect child
Ds2: little bugger
Dd2: little bugger in the making

They all have their moments of course but youngest two are definitely harder work!

She's just found out that baby no 2 is a girl and said her DP is disappointed as he was hoping for another boy so he could play football with his sons, and also because girls are more of a hassle to raise

Why can't he play football with his daughter? Our DD has loved watching/playing football since she was wee and is constantly asking to come to a game with me. I've told her she's too wee (she's 3 and it's a noisy, jam packed stadium) but once she's 5 like her brother was, I'll take her. We're making it a girls day out with her auntie.
I find the comments that the husband made in the OP quite depressing to be honest.

I get the opposite because we have two boys; everyone assumes we must be desperately hankering after a girl to 'princess' with after spending so many years being a rugby mum. It's such nonsense; I consider myself incredibly lucky to have had children at all. Children can be challenging regardless of their gender, age or toy preference.

I work in a Reception class so come into contact with both genders and have no preference for either. Children are children; they can be a million different things; why stereotype them at such a young age? It only limits their ability to see themselves properly.

No YANBU.

DP is disappointed as he was hoping for another boy so he could play football with his sons, and also because girls are more of a hassle to raise

That's depressing.

My ASD child is more difficult to raise than the others.

I worry so much about sexism raising my DC - they experience so much of it, they need to try and tackle issues of inequality and abuse so early. My biggest fear is my boys growing up to believe in these standards of masculinity and ending up abusing women and my girls growing up experiencing sexual abuse from men and boys.

I don't mean I would be happy for my girls to be abusers and my boys to be abused I just think this is the most likely scenario in this current world.

It's tough for my 11 year old boy negotiating what sexism means to him, feeling confident having discussions about or critically analysing some feminist points or points made by people about feminism.

He lacks the experience/will/understanding of heterosexual relationships - where most of it hangs together though he is sure of his sexuality and finds it difficult.

It's sad but I hear so much from my kids - being told to be 'a lady' and not be boisterous, computer games (mainly GTA) all their friends seem to have played since age 6, friends talking about liking Donald trump and slagging off feminists, my boy twin being invited to a party because it is a 'boy thing' him being too scared/not interested and his twin sister crying because she really wants to go...

It's tiring for their young minds when I don't think they really should have to deal with so many gendered expectations pigeon holing them from pre birth!! A way the adult world truly does impinge on the 'innocence' of childhood IMO.

Always been more bothered by pink/blue/girl/boy/cars/dolls than talking to little kids about how babies are conceived/grow/feed!

I think it is entirely down to the individual.
Possibly if you have a DD very like you it will cause arguments- but possibly not.

Mum of boys here. They are totally different to each other. The DS2 is probably trickier. Don't think aDD would have been harder and I'd have been delighted. As it is DS2 and I spend all day at ballet, he's finally beginning to like reading and can have some good conversations. DS1 much more one track footy.
So no u r not bu. Doesn't matter the gender,matters the person.

I have one DD and another on the way - I'll admit, I'm dreading the teen years, but only because of the grief I remember putting my DM through, and am worried that it will be my turn! Of course if they were boys they could be just as much of a pain in the arse as teens as I was.

From personal experience my DS age 9 is MUCH harder than DD age6. But thats because he is generally hard work compared to other boys not just because he is a boy.
As a woman whose parents wouldn't let her grow up and from observation, parents like their boys to turn into men (or big babies) get girlfriends etc but with daughters they want them to stay innocent., have earlier curfews etc. Its about control and I hate the double standards!

I'm reading down this opened mouthed when people are saying boys are easier and amuse themselves. My two boys have me run ragged at the minute. Constant demands and requests and want to be with or on me at all times. I'm particularly tired as I've just had a little girl. And if she's harder...well. I'm away back to work and paying a childminder.

I've got 4, 2 of each. It depends on the child. My oldest son is laid back and no trouble. My 2nd son is gorgeous but highly strung yet the most protective of his 2 little sisters. My 3rd (girl) is the most caring yet clingy to me and her dad. My baby (girl) is only 2 but so self assured I'm thinking it's terrible 2's lol.
So in a nutshell every child is different and I see a lot of me in my 2nd child it's actually scary.

My MIL (now dead) always used to say she was glad she'd had two boys, never wanted a girl. I found this quite perturbing and used to point out that she in fact a female herself!

No sex stereotyping here! I have mixed twins, and they sure are different. I wouldn't say that the girl is more difficult than the boy, or vice versa. A lot of it is to do with personality (and they are very different) although there is some truth in the Mars/Venus thing. Boy is more physical, focuses on one thing at a time, unbothered about his physical surroundings, monosyllabic, lazy. Girl is fashion oriented, very eloquent, devious, can turn on the charm, sees everything, very perceptive about people, hoards stuff.

These aren't necessarily gender traits. However it is interesting watching the two grow together, in identical circumstances (although now at different single sex high schools).

If absolutely forced to say which was easier, it'd be difficult, but on balance I'd say the girl, as communication skills are much better.

I have a 6 y/o boy and 1y/o twins b/g twins. Boys aren't easier, I think they just have different difficulties if that makes sense. Your friends DH sounds like a bit of a twat, and as someone already said is creating a self fulfilling prophecy. How awful to be disappointed at having a healthy baby because it's not the right sex for some misguided sexism about a football ffs. How do they know girls are harder if they've never had one!

I'm one of 5 - 3 girls and 2 boys, my mother always said the girls were all awful and difficult and that the boys were both a breeze! She used to say my biggest punishment would be a child just like me!

It is just lazy stereotyping by stupid people. One of my boys was the most discontented baby ever, the other was happy most of the time, whereas my two girls were an absolute breeze! But I wouldn't be so stupid to say that all girls are easy and boys difficult!!

I have a real problem with stupid, sexist idiots who chime out lazy stereotypes.

OP your cousin's DH (D for dickhead) sounds like one useless, hateful, damaging man! I can't stand men who openly state they want boys. For some reason it really grates on me!! Every single time, the men turn out to be absolute knobs!

My son is going to be 5 in two weeks and my daughter is 3 1/2.

She is a much more of a handful than my boy has ever been. But their personalities are SO different. My son is very chilled out and calm (like daddy!) whereas she is very feisty and stubborn (like mummy!)

I have boy /girl twins. Everyone said what pps have said - i.e boys are harder work pre teen and then girls take over. They're 8 so currently in between - we're past the worst of the lively young boy stage (when DD was an angel) and I can well believe things will reverse in due course - but you can never generalise for all. Think there may be some truth though that many boys live in the present and don't overthink things like relationships/rows at this age - whereas girls are more sensitive to stuff and have longer term or more anxious fall outs etc. But how stupid and thoughtless to let any of it influence your pleasure in a new baby! They are all lovely whether naughty or good, active or quiet etc. My DS isn't the mini-me son DH had hoped for, and prefers computer games - but DD is always with DH in the garage tinkering, or playing football, she's a real daddy's girl, and very physical and active! Who knows what we're going to get - but they're all amazing!!

FirstOfHerName YADNBU. It's crap to sterotype either child as more trouble/difficult etc.

I have a boy and a girl. They are both difficult!

And amazing!

I think bringing up children and passing on ideas to them that you think one is going to be more difficult is a really bad idea, and potentially a self-fulfilling prophecy.

(EG this dad isn't going to play football with his dd and so he will fulfill his own limited plans for his own family - sad!)

Boys do have cliques, they do bully, exclude, spread lies and rumours, and gang up on other boys in friendship groups. Just like girls.

Unfortunately maybe the subconscious way many people bring them up, they don't talk about it or hold on to those emotions instead of telling their parents or teachers.

I have 2 ds both completely different from each other, if they were a boy and girl I'd easily be able to tick the gender stereotype boxe's.

But I brought them both up to 'talk' to me about how they feel and express there emotions. So throughout school they have told me what goes on in the school and play ground, how 'friends' have treated them or other friends, the shifting of power in cliques, and ring leaders.

I was always flabbergasted when talking to other mums of boys that they had no idea what was going on in school with their ds but could tell me how awful the whole friendship thing is with their dds.